October 24, 2010

NFL ATS Locks from Da Yeker

Hey ladies and degenerates!!!! I’m doing this week’s picks like Old Man Favre: Just quick pics of my junk sent direct.

I AGREE WITH YOU BLONDIE.....
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YOU SHOULDN'T IGNORE THE OBVIOUS.

CLEVELAND BROWNS @ NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (-14)

14 is 2 TDs and 2 extra points. That is also the almost exact number of points the Browns are averaging this year per game. They are @ss. Let me repeat that. They are @ss. The Saints, on the other hand, are the defending Superbowl champs and playing at home.

Final Score: Browns 10 Saints 30

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ANYONE WITH THE INTERNET KNOWS TO GO WITH THIS UNDA!!!

WASHINGTON REDSKINS @CHICAGO BEARS (UNDA 40)

The Washington Redskins have been off the mark in the passing game all year. The Chicago Bears can’t give Jay Cutler more than a 1 step drop before he gets dumped on his head. Oh, it’s also probably going to be raining. This all means run, run, run, at least if Lovie Smith wants to keep his job. Quick, ugly, sloppy game, and easy unda.

Final Score: Redskins 14 Bears 17

September 19, 2010

Sunday Funday ATS Picks...and Hotties

Just like my girl Jarah...9117.jpg
...have a smile on your face, it's MFin Sunday Funday!

Before we roll to Da Yeker's picks, I should tell you one thing. HAIL TO THE CHIEFS! Anytime Greggy G invests his Amsterdam money against his favorite QB (Seneca MFin Wallace), you know you should jump on board. CHIEFS MONEYLINE (+140) FOR ME!

And with that...
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...just like my girl says, Less Talk more Picks!

SUNDAY FUNDAY PICKS FROM DA YEKER!
Hey playas!!! If you followed Da Yeker in Week 1 you came out with a few ducats in your pocket to put towards the purchase of a new Kia Spectra. But that’s not good enough for Da Yeker. I want make it so you can roll like a Forte father, marry the one you want and kick out kids with the ex. Here are the plays that will get you on Maury in no time.

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Don't let him fool you...he's gonna be huge today!

BALTIMORE RAY RAYS @ CINNCY BENGALS (+3)
Two words: Home Dog. Those are two of the most important words for degenerates to remember. Probably, second only to “I’m wasted” from the girl next to you at a ladies night. The Ravens won an emotional one on Monday night and Batman Owens and Robin Ocho Cinco suffered a beat down at the hands of pretty, pretty Tom Brady. I guarantee Cincy used the extra day of practice to scheme up ways at the very least to keep it close to the Joe Flacco, Delaware’s finest, lead Ravens O.
Final Score: RAY RAYS 20 BENGALS 28

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Unlike our bad girl, our Ravens bad-boy ain't winning today!

OMAR EPPS STEELERS @ PORN STAR STACHE TITANS (+5.5) (Ova 37)
Both teams were big winners in Week 1 with the Titans recreating against the Raiders and the Steelers playing the little engine that could against the Falcons. The Steelers are living on borrowed time with Rothliesbig@assname still suspended for….for… well being a big@sshole. Look for Chris Johnson to run all over the 3-4 the crew from the Pitt are going to try to throw up. Frick, he might get 37 on his own.
Final Score: STEELERS 14 TITANS 30

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I'd rather blow a dude than watch this game...ok, maybe not

ST. LOUIS RAMS @ OAKLAND RAIDERS (OVA 38)
Yes you read that right, I am telling you to bet that both the Raiders and the Rams can put up at 38 points. Am I sniffing glue? Yes. But that’s not affecting my decision. Both teams Ds are banged up with the Rams having 6 on the Injury List and the Raiders having 7 on that same list, except in Oakland they call it “I don’t really feel like playing football this week because I play for the Raiders” List. Look for Emperor Palpatine lord over an offensive Dethstar explosion between the two teams.
Final Score: RAMS 20 RAIDERS 24

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I don't think it's a stretch to see a Pats blowout!

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (-3) @ NEW YORK JETS
Did you see Mark Sanchez play Monday night? Did you see Tom Brady play Sunday? All the experts I read this week said the Jets O needs to open it up this week. With Sanchez at QB, they need to add “to an @ss whupin” to the end of that advice. The Jets also lost NT Kris Jenkins who was the anchor of their defense and have been inundated with press scrutiny over Locker Room Gate. BTW, I totally believe it’s a cultural thing with the way the Mexican TV reporter Inez Sainz dressed to go into the locker room. I’m going to celebrate that tradition by wearing nothing but sombrero while watching this game on Sunday.
Final Score: PATS 40 JETS 13

September 12, 2010

Da Yeker's Week 1 NFL ATS Winners

***With Greggy G still in Witness Protection, his protege Da Yeker will be running the show...but just in case you were curious, Mr. Gamble loves the Bengals (+5)!

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Watch as these two Divas start-out Greggy G undefeated!

SUNDAY FUNDAY SELECTIONS FROM DA YEKER
After last year’s performance, Da Yeker locked himself up in his hovel like the Lohan in the LA County pokie, where I’m sure she got plenty of that. All I did for the spring and summer was play NFL films on a continuous loop and practice talking like Ocho Cinco. I now piss excellence. Seriously, my only friends these last few months have been Ukrainian chat girls looking for an Americanski husband. Silly girls don’t know they no the way to my heart is not through borscht but breaking down the inferiority of a 3-4 in a rain storm.
It’s Week 1 in the NFL, and Week 1 sounds a lot like weak lines, which is what I’m here to break down for all my degenerates out there. Read up like its Ms. Homan’s 1st period!

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Just like our friends here, the Dolphins will look just as sweet outside of Miami!

MIAMI DOLPHINS (-3) @ BUFFALO BILLS
C.J. Spiller. Let me repeat that, C.J. Spiller. That’s the entire Bills roster that’s qualified to play NFL football. The GM for the Bills was wrong last year about people wanting to coach his team. Most people would rather coach the Raiders over that collection of NFL Punt Pass and Kick talent. Here’s my rhyme reminder for the memory deficient: Bills got no skillz. Remember it all year long.
Final Score: Dolphins 24 Bills 10

CINCY BENGALS @ NE PATRIOTS (Ova 45)
In Week 1, just like my boy Tom Bunchen Brady is at banging hot model actresses, O has all the luck. (BTW did you check out Brady’s hair this week, he’s got a mane that looks like da Yeker’s. No wonder he walked away from his car crash unscathed). The only hiccup to this rule is if a team’s O did not click in the preseason. Both of these teams looked like machines in their mandatory scrimmages. Expect more of the same this week.
Final Score: Bengals 27 Patriots 35

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Not much work needed for this Ova!

OAKLAND RAIDERS @ TENNESSEE TITANS (Ova 40.5)
Rewind my statements from above. And, I know what you’re saying the Raiders can’t score. Oh but on the contrary, their new upgrade at QB Jason Campbell, downgraded from the Redskins, will give them a solid 10 pts per game average this year. That’s 10 points of Black Hole Thunder. Hey, that’s the name of one my favorite movies.
Final Score: Raiders 14 Titans 30

DENVER ORTONS (+3) @ JAX JAGUARS
This is exactly the type of game you look for in Week 1. Both teams are evenly matched with one team willing to run it more and one wanting to pass it more. Remember boys and degenerates this is the modern NFL where passing equals winning and running equals quick games. The Jags CB Aaron Kampman is also playing his 1st game with a surgically repaired knee. Look for a close game where taking points will guarantee an ATS win.
Final Score: Ortons 23 Jags 21

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I wonder if Iron Mike was wearing these when he last gave his Pant's Droppin' motivational speech?

SAN FRAN PANT'S DROPPERS (-3) @ USC SEAHAWKS
It’s a conference showdown Week 1. The team that wins it, will be the one that understands the importance of that. The team that knows that is the one whose coach emphasizes it. Let’s look at the coaches: LA fly by night, buy better talent Carroll or Drop my pants, show my ass to grow men Singletary. I’m choosing the later. Plus expect Patrick Willis to dump old, baldy Hassellbeck on his head like at least 2 times.
Final Score: Pants Droppers 28 Seahawks 17

Sunday Funday is back Homeboys...
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...and hopefully Greggy G joins the party again soon!

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