Hey ladies and degenerates!!!! I’m doing this week’s picks like Old Man Favre: Just quick pics of my junk sent direct.

I AGREE WITH YOU BLONDIE.....

YOU SHOULDN'T IGNORE THE OBVIOUS.

CLEVELAND BROWNS @ NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (-14)

14 is 2 TDs and 2 extra points. That is also the almost exact number of points the Browns are averaging this year per game. They are @ss. Let me repeat that. They are @ss. The Saints, on the other hand, are the defending Superbowl champs and playing at home.

Final Score: Browns 10 Saints 30

ANYONE WITH THE INTERNET KNOWS TO GO WITH THIS UNDA!!!

WASHINGTON REDSKINS @CHICAGO BEARS (UNDA 40)

The Washington Redskins have been off the mark in the passing game all year. The Chicago Bears can’t give Jay Cutler more than a 1 step drop before he gets dumped on his head. Oh, it’s also probably going to be raining. This all means run, run, run, at least if Lovie Smith wants to keep his job. Quick, ugly, sloppy game, and easy unda.

Final Score: Redskins 14 Bears 17

I’m back ladies and degenerates. Due to some unfortunate legal type circumstances, Da Yeker had to take the last few weeks off while serving my probation of no interaction on the internet. Who knew I couldn’t apply for a marriage certificate for me and my love Jasmine the Real Doll? She’s a real doll for bleepin’ sake. It’s says it in her name ‘real’. Oppressive government regulations got no romance in them. Next thing you know, they’re going to say I can’t give myself a stranger while hanging by my neck from the door jam.

Here are my love in all the right places picks of the week to get me a private island with my own rules:

While I like your fashion girl.......

you're not catching any porpoises in those nets today.

MIAMI DOLPHINS (+3.5) @ GREEN BAY PACKERS

Aaron Rodgers got flash backs of last season last week when he got dumped on his head to the tune of a boo boo on the brain, aka a concussion. He joins a total of 15 Packers on the injury list which includes other stars like Clay Matthews, Donald Driver, and Jermichael Finley, who is out for the season. Hell, all they need is Radar to make this look like an episode of Mash. The Fins are almost entirely healthy and the weather is going to be a balmy 58 and sunny in the GB. All this and I get points.

FINAL SCORE: FINS 24 PACKERS 17

They may not have a secondary, but they can at least get a good Cup of Java when they get back home.

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS @ CHICAGO BEARS (-7)

Seattle has lost both their two road games this year by 17 points each. They have no secondary and a prayer of running game with Marshawn Lynch suiting up in the sea green and blue for the 1st time this week. After all his fun time in Buffalo, I wonder if in orientation that had to explain to him that running backs are supposed to run forward and not fall down into a fetal position when taking the hand off. The Bears snarky faced QB Cutler is back this week, which means hopefully no more vintage 1950s football. Look for the Bears to knock up the Seahawks like a cardigan wearing hipster on a pierced Starbucks barista. No worries degenerates, those baristas get health insurance to bring more self-affected, jaded little ones into this unfair world.

FINAL SCORE: SEAHAWKS 14 BEARS 33

I'm no Zooologist, but Broncos have feet like Camels, right?

NY JETS @ DENVER ORTONS (+3.5)

You know I love choosing a home dog. You know I love when teams go to Denver out of division. And, you know I love watching the Cowboy Kyle Orton sling that football. While the Jets are looking like a real deal competitor for the silvery trophy type thing, they will be brought back in line with the rest of NFL so so pack this week breathing through their noses and mouths trying to keep up with Denver’s aerial assault at a mile high.

FINAL SCORE: JETS 20 ORTONS 23

Rock your Sunday like its prom night, degenerates!

Just like my girl Jarah...
...have a smile on your face, it's MFin Sunday Funday!

Before we roll to Da Yeker's picks, I should tell you one thing. HAIL TO THE CHIEFS! Anytime Greggy G invests his Amsterdam money against his favorite QB (Seneca MFin Wallace), you know you should jump on board. CHIEFS MONEYLINE (+140) FOR ME!

And with that...

...just like my girl says, Less Talk more Picks!

SUNDAY FUNDAY PICKS FROM DA YEKER!
Hey playas!!! If you followed Da Yeker in Week 1 you came out with a few ducats in your pocket to put towards the purchase of a new Kia Spectra. But that’s not good enough for Da Yeker. I want make it so you can roll like a Forte father, marry the one you want and kick out kids with the ex. Here are the plays that will get you on Maury in no time.

Don't let him fool you...he's gonna be huge today!

BALTIMORE RAY RAYS @ CINNCY BENGALS (+3)
Two words: Home Dog. Those are two of the most important words for degenerates to remember. Probably, second only to “I’m wasted” from the girl next to you at a ladies night. The Ravens won an emotional one on Monday night and Batman Owens and Robin Ocho Cinco suffered a beat down at the hands of pretty, pretty Tom Brady. I guarantee Cincy used the extra day of practice to scheme up ways at the very least to keep it close to the Joe Flacco, Delaware’s finest, lead Ravens O.
Final Score: RAY RAYS 20 BENGALS 28

Unlike our bad girl, our Ravens bad-boy ain't winning today!

OMAR EPPS STEELERS @ PORN STAR STACHE TITANS (+5.5) (Ova 37)
Both teams were big winners in Week 1 with the Titans recreating against the Raiders and the Steelers playing the little engine that could against the Falcons. The Steelers are living on borrowed time with Rothliesbig@assname still suspended for….for… well being a big@sshole. Look for Chris Johnson to run all over the 3-4 the crew from the Pitt are going to try to throw up. Frick, he might get 37 on his own.
Final Score: STEELERS 14 TITANS 30

I'd rather blow a dude than watch this game...ok, maybe not

ST. LOUIS RAMS @ OAKLAND RAIDERS (OVA 38)
Yes you read that right, I am telling you to bet that both the Raiders and the Rams can put up at 38 points. Am I sniffing glue? Yes. But that’s not affecting my decision. Both teams Ds are banged up with the Rams having 6 on the Injury List and the Raiders having 7 on that same list, except in Oakland they call it “I don’t really feel like playing football this week because I play for the Raiders” List. Look for Emperor Palpatine lord over an offensive Dethstar explosion between the two teams.
Final Score: RAMS 20 RAIDERS 24

I don't think it's a stretch to see a Pats blowout!

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (-3) @ NEW YORK JETS
Did you see Mark Sanchez play Monday night? Did you see Tom Brady play Sunday? All the experts I read this week said the Jets O needs to open it up this week. With Sanchez at QB, they need to add “to an @ss whupin” to the end of that advice. The Jets also lost NT Kris Jenkins who was the anchor of their defense and have been inundated with press scrutiny over Locker Room Gate. BTW, I totally believe it’s a cultural thing with the way the Mexican TV reporter Inez Sainz dressed to go into the locker room. I’m going to celebrate that tradition by wearing nothing but sombrero while watching this game on Sunday.
Final Score: PATS 40 JETS 13