***With Greggy G still in Witness Protection, his protege Da Yeker will be running the show...but just in case you were curious, Mr. Gamble loves the Bengals (+5)!
Watch as these two Divas start-out Greggy G undefeated!
SUNDAY FUNDAY SELECTIONS FROM DA YEKER
After last year’s performance, Da Yeker locked himself up in his hovel like the Lohan in the LA County pokie, where I’m sure she got plenty of that. All I did for the spring and summer was play NFL films on a continuous loop and practice talking like Ocho Cinco. I now piss excellence. Seriously, my only friends these last few months have been Ukrainian chat girls looking for an Americanski husband. Silly girls don’t know they no the way to my heart is not through borscht but breaking down the inferiority of a 3-4 in a rain storm.
It’s Week 1 in the NFL, and Week 1 sounds a lot like weak lines, which is what I’m here to break down for all my degenerates out there. Read up like its Ms. Homan’s 1st period!
Just like our friends here, the Dolphins will look just as sweet outside of Miami!
MIAMI DOLPHINS (-3) @ BUFFALO BILLS
C.J. Spiller. Let me repeat that, C.J. Spiller. That’s the entire Bills roster that’s qualified to play NFL football. The GM for the Bills was wrong last year about people wanting to coach his team. Most people would rather coach the Raiders over that collection of NFL Punt Pass and Kick talent. Here’s my rhyme reminder for the memory deficient: Bills got no skillz. Remember it all year long.
Final Score: Dolphins 24 Bills 10
CINCY BENGALS @ NE PATRIOTS (Ova 45)
In Week 1, just like my boy Tom Bunchen Brady is at banging hot model actresses, O has all the luck. (BTW did you check out Brady’s hair this week, he’s got a mane that looks like da Yeker’s. No wonder he walked away from his car crash unscathed). The only hiccup to this rule is if a team’s O did not click in the preseason. Both of these teams looked like machines in their mandatory scrimmages. Expect more of the same this week.
Final Score: Bengals 27 Patriots 35
Not much work needed for this Ova!
OAKLAND RAIDERS @ TENNESSEE TITANS (Ova 40.5)
Rewind my statements from above. And, I know what you’re saying the Raiders can’t score. Oh but on the contrary, their new upgrade at QB Jason Campbell, downgraded from the Redskins, will give them a solid 10 pts per game average this year. That’s 10 points of Black Hole Thunder. Hey, that’s the name of one my favorite movies.
Final Score: Raiders 14 Titans 30
DENVER ORTONS (+3) @ JAX JAGUARS
This is exactly the type of game you look for in Week 1. Both teams are evenly matched with one team willing to run it more and one wanting to pass it more. Remember boys and degenerates this is the modern NFL where passing equals winning and running equals quick games. The Jags CB Aaron Kampman is also playing his 1st game with a surgically repaired knee. Look for a close game where taking points will guarantee an ATS win.
Final Score: Ortons 23 Jags 21
I wonder if Iron Mike was wearing these when he last gave his Pant's Droppin' motivational speech?
SAN FRAN PANT'S DROPPERS (-3) @ USC SEAHAWKS
It’s a conference showdown Week 1. The team that wins it, will be the one that understands the importance of that. The team that knows that is the one whose coach emphasizes it. Let’s look at the coaches: LA fly by night, buy better talent Carroll or Drop my pants, show my ass to grow men Singletary. I’m choosing the later. Plus expect Patrick Willis to dump old, baldy Hassellbeck on his head like at least 2 times.
Final Score: Pants Droppers 28 Seahawks 17
Sunday Funday is back Homeboys...
...and hopefully Greggy G joins the party again soon!