We’ve finally made it to the last day of the NBA regular season, a day when nobody gives a ratz-azz except gambling junkies, the fan clubs for Pape Sow & Bracey Wright, and the few cities (ala Chi-Town) where playoff seeding is still at stake. While I’ll admit I enjoy watching end of the bench basketball and receive a text message update from the “In Randy Livingston We Trust” club every time he dishes out an assist, besides investing on probably every game on the docket tonight I’ll be with my Homeboys at the bar hopin’ the Bulls can hold-on to the 2nd seed. Unfortunately, the Nets are at home and have plenty on the line as well, so expect a 70% defensive-effort from Vinsanity tonight and at least a 110% breakdown-effort from Greggy G on the game.
And to the Greg Gamble enthusiasts who are worried that the end of the season means they’ll be missing out on my Pulitzer Prize winning material…we’ve got plenty of playoff basketball to wager-on and to match-up with hot swimwear, as well as, at least 2500 opportunities on the diamond to prove I’m the gamblin’ version of Peter Gammons! You should see how my theory on matching lingerie and pinstripes can lead to ATS magic. But enough about how I get around the bases faster than Tommy Brady during the off-season, I’m sitting at 40 games over .500 for the regular season and need a few more wins to keep my lovely lady blinged-up like Kobe’s after he returns from a trip to Utah. What fun it should be tonight, no defense, no Joey Crawford, and plenty of cocktails for the Homeboys and Greggy G!
CHICAGO BULLS (-3.5) @ NEW JERSEY NETS
Listen…you guys know I’ll bet against the Bulls in game 7 of the NBA finals if it means I can finally upgrade my IPOD and pay my Blockbuster late fees, so don’t think I’m a homer on this one. While it’s not my favorite play of the night, what am I going to do...watch it at the bar without a little green ridin’? That’s like going on Spring Break and not putting a sock it your bathing suit…it just doesn’t make sense. While the Bulls have been all over the board this season, it appears Paxson, Skiles, & Co. have finally convinced them they can be a dominate team even without a superstar. Hinrich has quieted his critics and whinny complaints to the refs to become one of the best overall guards in the East, Ben Gordon will usually be the best shooter on the floor every night, Luol Deng has a motor that doesn’t stop and mid-range game that would make Xavier McDaniel proud, and the Nocioni, Duhon, & Sefolosha crew have become a nightmare for opponents not looking to give 100% at both ends of the floor. As for their frontcourt, does it really matter tonight against the Nets who will be loggin huge minutes with Mikki Moore, Uncle Cliff, Josh Boone, and one of the sorry-azz Collins brothers? I don’t think so, and unless Mr. Juomana Kidd miraculously makes a few jumpers, I have a feeling the Nets may rest their old knees by the end of the 3rd quarter…Bulls by 6-12 points
GOLDEN ST WARRIORS (-10.5) @ PORTLAND TRAILBLAZERS
If you like this play, call Bodog or rent the Concord to Vegas…this line is going to be moving all day. The Warriors are playing for their playoff lives and have been sweeter than Kobe Tai on ecstasy, while the Blazers just lost by 37 to Utah, have shut-down everybody of importance, and have been using two guys in the starting line-up that I thought retired (Magloire and Lafrentz). In addition, the Warriors have finally figured out how to use all 22 swingmen on their roster and I swear Baron Davis has stopped casting 10 shots a night from behind the arc. In conclusion, this game represents everything special about Greggy G’s end of the year ATS NBA theory …Warriors by 15-21 points
MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES (+2.5) @ MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES
Don’t tell me porn is not real life, do not tell me teams are not tanking, and do not tell me the Wolves are going to win tonight. Minnesota is within a game of 6 other teams not in the playoffs, which means a win would destroy plenty of ping-pong balls that could lead to KG finally having a running mate. As for Memphis, since clinching the worst record in the NBA they’ve won 2 in-a-row and Pau Gasol has been filthy. How you think the Spaniard will look with Garnett sitting in street-clothes? In all honesty, even if the Wolves win tonight the general consensus will still be that they have been tanking, so in my opinion, if you’re going to take the ridicule you might as well do a good job of it. It’s kind of like sleeping with a fat girl that your friends already saw you sneak into your Homeboy’s dorm room…they already know, so you might else do it a couple of times and make it worthwhile…Grizz by 4-10 points
DALLAS MAVERICKS @ SEATTLE SUPERSONICS (+7)
The Mavs shut-down everybody not named Jose Juan Barea last night, and I’m sure felt no-shame after hearing about injuries to Darko in Orlando and Mo Pete in Toronto. Using the same fat-girl theory for the Mavs regarding resting their stars again, if you turned down a fat-chick the first time…what’s the point of doin’ her the second time? As for Seattle, while they’ve looked like a team positioning for next year, Rashard Lewis vowed to put on a remarkable show in the case it’s his last game in front of the coffee drinking faithful. In addition, they’re still been running Wilcox & Collison out for big-time minutes and their starting backcourt of Damien Wilkens and Mike Wilks finally has an opportunity to prove their more than seat-warmers (they combined for 39 points & 8 assists in their last contest)…Mavs by a bucket
HOUSTON ROCKETS @ UTAH JAZZ (-7)
While these teams will be meeting in the 1st round, I think only one of them will be worried about gaining some momentum heading into the playoffs. The Jazz have been pretty awful the last couple weeks before totally destroying Portland and just got back AK-47 and Gordan Giricek, which makes me believe they’ll be looking to establish their mid-season mojo. In addition, the Jazz have a better bench for garbage time and won’t want to look like crap at home...I mean what else do Utah natives do for a wild night? As for the Rockets, besides having a short bench they have two superstars that are always a play away from the training table…Jazz by 10-16 points
DETROIT PISTONS @ BOSTON CELTICS (-4)
Yeah…the Pistons burned me last night as they wanted to show the home crowd some luv, but tonight they’re on the road and after witnessing Mo Pete’s injury and hearing about Darko it may be Amir Johnson’s day to shine. As for the Celtics, just like the Grizz, after sliding as far in the standing as possible, Doc and Danny have brought a few of the big-boys off the training table and actually looked like a real NBA team winning at Miami Monday. Finally, the Celtics have been getting the most grief in the league for their tank-job, so now that it doesn’t matter, watch as Boston plays their most inspired game of the season…Celts by 7-13 points