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June 2007 Archives

June 1, 2007

MLB ATS: 11-0 (Don't be fooled!)

*Greggy G's Regular Season: 146-106 ATS
*Greggy G's Playoff Record: 22-20 ATS

Just like my azz on the streets of Chi-town coming of the pick-n-roll, you can’t stop what you can’t catch! I hate to tell ya I told ya so and I know they need one more, but my pick of the Cavs and Spurs before the playoffs started is looking in-genius Physically, Mr. James is a man-child that can dominate every aspect of the game and he’s only frickin’ 22-years old…I haven’t seen that type of dominance since Aurora Snow burst on the scene Azz-Ploitation. Anyway, I’m off to Midway Airport and heading to Cleveland for the weekend. Congrats to my boy DG who is cashin’ in his chips and takin’ the marriage plunge this weekend. I’m honored to be standing-up, but I’d say it’s 50/50 that I show-up…I might be scalpin’ tickets to see the King baby!

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June 3, 2007

Money Mike's weekend analysis


Wow. Who is this guy?

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June 4, 2007

MLB Daily Special: 11-1 ATS

*Greggy G's NBA Regular Season: 146-106 ATS
*Greggy G's NBA Playoff Record: 22-20 ATS

O.K...I promise this is the last time you'll hear me say I told ya! While I was a legend in Cleveland this weekend as many of my diehard fans couldn't believe I had traveled all the way from Chi-town for their victory celebration, I have to admit I skipped the game and actually stood-up in my Homeboy DG's wedding. Of course his lovely wife was somewhat discouraged by the groupin' of dudes around the TV set for Game 6 and the re-enactment we performed of the Zambrano/Barrett fight with her dad, we still had a blast and my only complaint is that I wish I could still party like the VH1 Behind the Music stars. To make matters worse, I got violated at the baggage check going commando, the plane ride home was a little bumby and I almost lost my lunch twice (maybe that had something to do with chuggin' a bottle of Arbor Mist in the hot-tub a few hours earlier), and I couldn't remember where I parked my car when we got back! What can I say...I never bring enough undergarments when I travel. As for today, besides counting my winnings from the Cavs series, I feel terrible and can't wait to sit on my sofa once the work-buzzer finally rings. I promise to make more sense tomorrow, but hopefully you'll still enjoy the pick and pics...Much Luv Fellas!

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June 5, 2007

MLB Special: 12-1 ATS…Now you know!

*Greggy G’s NBA Regular Season: 146-106 ATS
*Greggy G’s NBA Playoff Special: 22-20 ATS

Holy Shiznit! The Cubs & Sox both won last night…that’s about as likely as a day when a Cincinnati Bengal isn’t meeting with NFL commish Roger Goodell. The best thing about a 2nd straight victory for the Cubs with Sweet Lou suspended and the team chirpin’ how he’s meaner the Ronny Mexico’s top-dog is that we’re gonna start hearing how Alan Trammell needs to take over the club. In all honesty, no matter how much I luv a Pinella press conference or his sand-box fight with an umpire, I think he took this job thinking it was a perfect retirement party. As for the Southside, if the Sox don’t have a 4-run lead heading into the 9th, the bullpen is guaranteed to crap down their leg like Najah Davenport stuck in a closet. While I luv the Land of the Venezuelan Oz, I have a feeling he’ll threaten to kick GM Kenny Williams azz if he trades away half of his regulars by the deadline as we’re hearing. Sure, as a Sox fan that would suck, but could ya blame Kenny?

More importantly tonight, my softball squad The Smoke Daddy will try to find the win column for the first time this year, while I try to figure-out what concoction to mix in the cooler to rally the troops. What you thinking boyz, maybe a lil Maurice Clarett special…minus the guns?! Oh yeah, and much luv to Alfonso Soriano for givin’ me a half run cover last night…I plan to spit every two seconds, chew six pieces of gum, and swing a bat as big as Otis Wilson’s third leg in your honor tonight!

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June 6, 2007

MLB Special: 13-2 ATS...Sweeter than Poon!

*Greggy G’s NBA Regular Season: 146-106 ATS
*Greggy G’s NBA Playoff Special: 22-20 ATS

A pretty uneventful evening of victories…1-1 with a push on the ATS diamond and another embarrassing loss on the softball field for Smoke Daddy. While we hit like Bobby Abreu in his contract year, we ran the bases like Jacque Jones with one-leg and still have trouble preventing the big 10 run inning. Considering the fact that I had 4 grenades of Mickey’s Ice and some lip-candy during the game, I have to say I was impressed with my outfield play…with the exception of a miss-timed dive that made me look Jim Edmonds on crack.

But enough about a bunch of washed-up drunks pretending to play softball, we’re a day away from the start of the Spurs ring-ceremony and the baseball gods have given me a tip on a few plays. I wish I could tell ya the Cavs can make this a series, but I’d give better odds to Roger Clemens sitting on the bench with his teammates than the LeBron’s makin’ it to game 6. Speaking of roundball, how about Mr. Durant’s inability to bench press a porn-star holding a midget once at NBA draft combine…aka 185 lbs! I know he dominated the Big 12 as a freshman, but after watchin’ Shaun Livingston struggle to find minutes his first few years and proceed to blow-out his lower half this year, I have a feeling Kevin may take a few more years to develop than people think. But enough hoop talk, there’s nuttin’ to bet on and it’s time for the baseball maven to go to work. Take it light Homeboys, and always remember to tip your dancers!

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June 7, 2007

MLB Special: 16-2 ATS…I'm the Shiznit! NBA Playoff Special: 22-20…Ouch!

Hell yeah Homeboys…Nuttin’ makes me sleep better than a lil’ Whiskey n’ Theraflu and a 3-0 ATS evening. And listen to this, my lawyer (aka Andrew Uncle Ben’s) is takin’ me to a skybox at Comiskey to watch the Yankees take 3 out 4 from the Bad News White Sox. I know that means I’m missing Game 1 of the NBA Finals, but besides the fact that it’ll be a complete blow-out (Greggy G Alert: ATS foreshadowing), tryin’ to tell a Polack to pass up free tix, booze, & food is like tryin’ to tell Mark Chmura to pass-up the opportunity to hang in a hot-tub with High School Cheerleaders. BTW, my lawyer, he’s not the insideplays.com lawyer; he’s actually my personal lawyer…What can I say, Nate Newton told me it was oregano!

Anywho, before I breakdown the diamond, is it just me or for the first time in these playoffs does King James seem a lil’ overconfident. I know he needs to show a swagger, especially in front of his cast of average ballers, but I’m gettin’ a completely different vibe from His Majesty. Listen, I’m not hatin’…If I was in his shoes at 22 I’d probably be acting like a combination of Terrell Owens, Verne Troyer, & the Girls Gone Wild guru. Oh yeah, and if I had his shoe size…I’d probably never ever get dressed! Have a good one fellaz and always remember what R. Kelly has taught us…no, not make it rain with someone you picked-up from Rock n Roll McDonalds, but be a Go-Getter…I know I’m gonna Go-Get me some money today!

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June 8, 2007

MLB Special: 18-2 ATS…Ain’t no lie!

Don’t worry fellaz…I don’t expect a thank you. Back to back 3-0 nights and pictures of hotties…who needs ESPN and Dan(ika) Patrick! Thanks again for the Skybox last night Mr. Uncle Ben’s, even though you never told me it was formal party and I had M*tha F*ckin flip-flops on. Got to run, I’m late for a meeting and I smell like an ashtray…but don’t worry, I have some picks and pics for ya. Check in later today if you want some more action…I’m always better on a rebate buzz. HOLLA

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June 9, 2007

MLB Special: 19-3 ATS…tell yo friends!

I think it’s time to stop makin’ fun of the Royals with my Sox rapidly approaching the basement in the Central. At least we had a nice breeze last night, Ozzie had another hilarious press conference, Alfonso Soriano is now my favorite player to watch stride to the dish, and I found I nice concoction to go with my glaucoma medicine last night: Gordon’s Gin, generic Diet Grapefruit Soda, Lime, & a splash of my girl’s wine should didn’t finish…Now that’s the M*tha F*ckin’ Highlife! As for today, I see no reason not to enjoy the scenery around DePaul University today…gotta luv the man that invented short-shorts that have words on the back. I’m not staring ladies, I’m just reading! One more day before Timmy D and the boys put another ass-waxing on the LeBron’s and one more day for all of us to win some money on the diamond. Oh yeah, and most importantly, hopefully the Rocket gets shelled by the deadly Pirate today. Have a blast this weekend Homeboys and try not to bury too many dogs…I hear the feds don’t like it!

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June 10, 2007

MLB Special: 20-3 ATS...can't touch this!

Halladay is better than Schmidt...Blue Jays by 1-3 runs

June 11, 2007

MLB Special: 21-3 ATS…Don’t hurt’em Greg!

While I felt worse than Courtney Love looks this weekend, the only thing positive about my Mojito flavored TheraFlu Saturday and Sunday was…NOT LOSING A FRICKIN THING BEEATCHES! What can I say; the NBA finals seem scripted right out of my Insideplay’s breakdowns and the Vegas sportsbooks have been calling my houseline before I even have my bloody mixed. Speaking of the NBA Finals, I’d rather play catch with Chuck Knobloch, clean Tank Johnson’s jail-cell toilet, or listen to Keith Olbermann talk about how cool he is than watch the Spurs methodically kick the Cavs azz. King James can only force the issue so much against the defensive-minded Spurs and just doesn’t have the help to even pull one of these games out. I know it’s probably not possible unless they pull a sign-n-trade, but what better fit would free agent Rashard Lewis be in Cleveland. While Lewis will probably be considered OVA-paid after he signs with somebody that tries to make him the #1 option, could you imagine LeBron kickin’ out to an athletic 6-10 sharpshooter like that? I’m tellin’ ya, they’d have a staple in the NBA Finals for years.

As for Chicago baseball, and this coming from a White Trash Sox fan, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the Cubs are going to win the Central. I know that’s like saying “She’s the Sluttiest Hooker!” , but with Alfonso, Aramis, & Derrek Lee knocking the ball around and five legitimate 12 game winners in the rotation…I have a feeling I’m gonna be seeing Cub fans pissing in the alleys into October. I wish I could say the same for my Southsiders, but if I were GM Kenny Williams I would start blowing this thing up like T.T. Boy after a salad bar. I don’t know if these young phenoms are any good, but I know I don’t want to see a bunch of old-dudes with bad-backs cloggin the bases just so we can beat out the AA Royals in the Central. Alright, time for the real reason you’re here…Cause it’s Monday, I ain’t got no job…and I ain’t got shiznit to do!

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June 12, 2007

MLB Special: 21-4 ATS…Not too bad baby!!! NBA Playoffs: 23-20 ATS…Not good baby

While the baseball gods brought me back to reality like they have for Ozzie since ‘05, it’s actually refreshing to look at my MLB record and know I’m on a losing streak. BTW, I split my other two baseball plays last night, with the one winner being the White Sux UNDA. No lie, if I just took the Southsider UNDA everyday, I could probably stop selling Diet Rockstar at the corner of Lincoln and Damen. To close out the baseball chatter, the vivacious and festively-plump Johnathan Hood at ESPN radio 1000 had an amazing stat this morning: Mr. Guillen has sported a different line-up 50 out of the 60 games they’ve played this year. Injuries included, that’s more ridiculous than the fact that Byung-Hyun Kim is still in the league...awesome find J-Hood!

But enough diamond notes, we have the NBA Finals tonight and I can’t understand why the line is so low. The smooth-dome of Jalen Rose had an unbelievable stat about Tony Parker yesterday. Before I get to that, my girl has two freebies that I can’t get pissed about…Brad Pitt & J-Rose. In my warped mind, nobody is cooler than the former Wolverine. He’s had an offensive game of 40 year-old at the playground since he came into the league, and plays defense like my azz at the YMCA…you know, everyone has to guard out of position because I can’t stay in front of anybody faster than Rex Grossman. Anywho…Check out this stat he gave yesterday: During the regular season, nobody had more points in the paint than Tony Parker…not Dwight Howard, not Shaq, and not Dave Corzine...Tony “The datin’ maven” Parker! So let’s ride him, make some cash tonight, and make sure to live by the motto of the Shop Boyz: PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR, PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR! That’s easy for me…I’ve already OD’d on my Mojito Theraflu and will easily catch that rebate buzz during softball!

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June 13, 2007

MLB Special: 21-5 ATS…Diamond Guru NBA Playoffs: 25-20 ATS…Gettin’ better

Coming from a diehard of the hardwood, I cannot stomach the NBA Finals. Even easily predicting the UNDA and pulling-out 1 point cover, I’d rather hear Curt Shilling bloody sock debates or watch “You’ve got Mail” than this slowdown brickfest. On a night when Timmy D & Manu combine to shoot 6-24 from the field and Bruce Bowen has to be the offensive force, you’d think King James and his awful crew could steal one at home. I’m just glad we only have one more game to watch as I’m more confident than Peter North in “Titty-Titty Bang-Bang” that the Spurs will make sure their legacy gets a lil’ sweeter with a Final sweep.

As for the diamond where I’m a in the mist of 2-game losing streak, Michael Barrett (aka P.J. Carlesimo) got into another heated argument with a pitcher and made yet another questionable play behind the plate to cost them the game…say hello to the trade deadline Mr. Barrett. As for the White Sux, at least Justin Verlander didn’t get his no-hitter against them. The Pigskin Season can’t come soon enough for us Southsiders and if I wasn’t the Gordon Gecko of the baseball market, I wouldn’t even check the sports ticker before downin’ my last cocktail. Thankfully, my Homeboys from Phoenix & Detroit are coming into town for a Divorce Party (…like that was ever going to work Dave) and a belated 30th Bash for Joey “Tech Support”. Hey Bartender, looks like I’ll need another batch of Milk Thistle! Take it light fellaz and always remember to ask for the Green Salsa...I’m sure your Torta wants to feel rich too!

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June 14, 2007

MLB Special: 24-5 ATS…Baseball Maven NBA Playoffs: 25-20 ATS…LAST ONE!

I honestly feel bad for all the dudes pawning off their vintage Jordan’s and Baby-Cribs to pay off their bookies. Do they realize theirs a man with a better plan than 2-Pac and Biggie’s to hide-out on island for 15 years and then break-out a collaborated double-disk? Please let them know about Greggy G…I charge nuttin, I ask for nuttin’, and I simply hand-out dreams! What can I say...3-0 on the ATS diamond last night, and we only have to suffer through the NBA Finals for one more frickin’ day. Trust me, all the whining from the Spurs about getting disrespected worse than Jeremy Giambi at a family gathering can be resolved with a series sweep. I know we’ll see LeBron head to the line more than Michael Irvin in a hotel room, but Timmy D & Ginobili were horrendous in Game 3 and I’d bet my collection of NBA Zubaz it doesn’t happen again.

As for my day, I finally get my new hooptie back from the shop, my Homeboyz are flyin’ in from PHX and Detroit (BTW, what are the odds I rub in their playoff misfortunes…I’d say the other Giambi has better odds of not havin’ small balls and back acne!), and most importantly, THE WHITE SUX HAVE THE DAY OFF!!! You gotta luv how all the Chi-town papers are reporting that Patty LaBelle’s entourage had to complain about the foul-language Sox players were using at a Philly restaurant. Just like their supposed leader, while he makes me laugh and gave me a World Series, he’s more politically incorrect than Don Imus & Dice Clay combined. He’s just lucky that he gets to use the excuse that “faggot” and “FU” means something different in Venezuelan. While he lives by those rules, I live by the motto that 50 cent and the Game wrote about me: HATE IT OR LUV, THE UNDERDOG’S ON TOP AND I’M GONNA SHINE (HOMIE) UNTIL MY HEART STOPS! I’m guessing you guys now realize what he’s referring to when he barks-out “G-UNIT”…That’s the GAMBLE unit Homeboys!

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June 15, 2007

MLB Special: 25-6 ATS…Tha Diamond Broker NBA Season: 171-127 ATS…GAME OVA

After wagering on 298 NBA games the season (171-127), I found myself on the floor of my Homeboys bar last night not because I lost…but because my last memory of the season will be of Damon “Douchebags” Jones. Yeah, keep holdin’-up three fingers like you matter Damon…I just gave Rae Carruth a call and he also had the Spurs minus 3.5.

Anyway, it’s already the weekend in my hood as my college buddies came in last night and have already broke-out their cheesy-azz lines with the ladies:

While extremely cheesy, I have to say it’s pretty priceless in person…they always rock/paper/scissor for who’s the utility infielder. Anyway, I gotta roll cause I’m scalpin’ some tix for the Cubs game this afternoon…what you think, should I bet on it too? Take it light, and check-in all weekend cause you know I’ll have some stories to go along with the winners!

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June 16, 2007

MLB Special: 28-7 ATS...Top that Punk!

3-1 on the Diamond last night, while my Homeboys and I had too many Crown and Ginger Ale's at the bar...and too much Alize before bed! Nuttin' like dorky white-dudes sippin' on some Alize! I'm off to a barbaque...Enjoy the day and the pick BEEATCHES!

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June 17, 2007

MLB Daily Special: 28-8 ATS

Not that you guys give a ratz azz, but it's my 1st Father's Day! Make sure to tell your dad Greggy G says: I luv ya like a fat kid luvs cake!

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June 18, 2007

MLB Special: 28-9 ATS…Baseball Maven

To sum-up the weekend of debauchery, as we partied like a Cincinnati Bengal Friday Night, it struck us that we somehow lost one of our out-of-town Homboys (Divorced Dave as he’s known in our circles) Luckily, one of the randoms who just came into the bar ova-heard our dilemma and mentioned a nice lil’ tidbit of information. As he was paying his cab-fare, someone from the bar hopped-in and told the cabbie: “Take me where the Hookers are!” While we cannot confirm or deny the results of this story, I do know our NHL ’95 Hockey tournament was postponed Sunday because our hands were just too damn shaky!

As for my weekend on the ATS diamond, I have to admit I put-up an effort that would have made Randy Moss look like a dedicated employee in Oakland. Not to mention, the White Sux made the Pirates feel like the Yankees and have proceeded to let the KC Royals tie them in the win-column. As for CubbieLand, with Aramis Ramirez already out, what the hell was Derek Lee thinking. First off, Chris Young had no intention of purposely hittin’ Derek Lee with two strikes and the score tied. Secondly, what the hell was the umpire doing calmly talking to the catcher as Lee walked towards the mound with his hand on his balls in a display of wild-kingdom macho’ness. Finally, Young is 6-10 and slower than Rex Grossman on a roll-out…how the hell do you miss that first haymaker? After watchin’ that, I’d give better odds to Ronny Mexico to completing two consecutive 6-yard outs than Derek Lee ever walking towards the mound again. Anywho, back to the weekly grind of finding some picks and pics for ya Homeboys, and hopefully, my brain will be fully functional by Tuesday morning.

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June 19, 2007

MLB Special: 29-11 ATS…Baseball Maven NBA Season: 171-127 ATS…GAME OVA

My luck lately seems worse than an NFLer on a motorcycle. It appeared I’d have a profitable 2-1 ATS evening last night as I took the Tigers (minus 1.5 runs), only to watch as Detroit proceeded to blow a 9-1 lead in the 6th to barely hold-on for 1-run victory against the deadly Nats. Speaking of deadly, looks like Pac Man Jones’s crew is on the prowl again. Hey fellaz, have you hear of Barnes & Noble or Putt-Putt Golf? I’m not suggesting someone didn’t bump into ya or threaten to steal your stripper’s thong…but maybe, just maybe, you guys should lay-low for awhile. I mean when I got busted for pissing on a college campus, you didn’t see my azz grabbin’ a Big-Gulp or Beer-Bongin’ for at least 6 months.

As for today’s schedule, I have a funny feeling the ole’ Smokey Daddy Softball team is breaking into the win-column, and more importantly, Greggy G will be sippin’ on the Champagne of Beers after pullin’ MVP honors and watchin’ the sports-ticker with better results than a captain of the football team on Prom Night. Speaking of sleeping with young white-girls, the media is making it sound like Kobe Bryant has a realistic chance of becoming a Chicago Bull. Once again, I cannot fathom GM Mitch Kupchak livin’ through the departures of both Shaq and Kobe from the Hollywood Lake Show. I’m not saying I wouldn’t do it if I were Pax, Skiles, & Co. if I was able to keep some of my young pieces, but in LA, the Zenmaster needs a superstar to be a great coach and Jerry Buss needs a superstar to keep the high-rollers sitting courtside. The only team I see as a realistic option is Washington because Agent Zero/Mr. Habachi is a Cali kid who can make the turn-styles move. Once again, the Wiz would have to throw in another piece and there is no guarantee the whinny-baby in LA would even approve the move. Oh yeah, and please stop telling me there’s a chance he’ll be elbowing-defenders in the Big Apple…the Knickerbockers don’t even have anybody the Bulls would take for Ben Gordon. Gotta Roll…have a good one Homeboys and make sure to be thinking of the Smoke Daddy tonight!

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June 20, 2007

MLB Special: 31-12 ATS…Diamond Dynamo

Smoke Daddy Softball wins, Greggy G’s Diamond stock is on the rise, another Bengal has to talk to the cops, and Michael Barrett (a former silver slugger winner) is shipped out of town for a bag o’ balls…is America great for a self-proclaimed sports writer or what!

How about them Bengals…10 arrests in 14 months! At least we know where Pac-Man will be signing once he’s dropped by the Titans (I know Marvin, it must be racial-profiling). Speaking of the Gridiron, why is everybody hatin’ on Tommie Harris for wanting Donovan McNabb. Your tellin’ me you’d prefer a short, slow, white-guy with small-hands and a blind-spot when throwing in the flat…yeah, that makes sense. As for the Diamond and another bullpen debacle by the White Sux, what really sums up our season is the fact that Ozzie’s been DH’ing Alex Cintron and his .214 0 HR 5 RBI lumber lately. ARE YOU FRICKIN’ KIDDING ME!!! That’s like gettin’ a technical Free Throw and choosin’ Shaq to toe the line, or having your girlfriend out of town and renting “50-year-old Hairy Sluts” for entertainment. In addition, what chapped my azz more than parking backwards at the forest preserve (if you don’t know what that means…email John Amechi) was watching GM Kenny Williams on TV saying he thinks the Sux can get back in the race. Listen Kenny, Vegas odds have the Southsiders with as much a chance as ex-Packer Mark Chmura does of being a Prom Chaperone someday. And finally, as Greggy G told you last week, Michael Barrett is back to annoy Greg Maddux in San Diego. All I can say to that is…Bye-Bye BEEATCH!

Briefly, not only did Smoke Daddy win for the 1st time of the season, but we beat the two-time defending champs who have a kid that used to kick my azz in High School! While yours truly was 3-4 with 3 RBI’s, I did pull a Barry Bonds and was ridiculed by my teammates for not sliding on a play at the plate…What can I say, I’m a lot prettier than most of them. As for the Daddy’s MVP, congrats to Andy “Manny Trillo” Flossinator for some unbelievable web-gems and sliding on every play like it’s the College World Series…you the shiznit! Gotta roll Homeboyz, it’s not the 1st of the month but do I have some collecting to do! Enjoy my picks and pics!

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June 21, 2007

MLB Special: 33-12 ATS…Diamond Dynamo

We’ve now crossed the 20 games OVA .500 mark and the All-Star break is still a few weeks away! What can I say, I feel like Dylan from 90210…no matter how much of an azz he was, it didn’t change the fact that he was hung like Rueben Patterson and layin’-pipe to Kelly Kapowski, Vanessa Marcil, & the Noxema chick whenever he wanted! The funny thing is that my greedy ‘Roger Clemans’ azz feels like I should have gone 3-0 instead of 2-0 with a push last night. Oh well, at least I didn’t have to deal with what the diehard Cub fans had to yesterday. The only thing more ironic than SamME Sosa jacking # 600 against the Northsiders was when Mark Chmura boycotted the Packers' trip to the White House because of his public criticism of Bill Clinton’s morality. Speaking of ironic, did you hear what music they played as they celebrated Sosa’s accomplishment in Texas…the theme from the M*tha F*ckin NATURAL! You can’t make that shiznit up. While I’m not a Cub Hater and actually hope they make the playoffs, Cubdom drama & drunk garbage throwin’ is frickin’ hilarious to me. I know we’ve got white-trash farther/son combos smokin’ crack & attackin’ coaches and our only ‘somewhat’ hot chicks have Marlboro Reds rolled-up in their sleeves, but angry azz-clowns from Wrigleyville that still talk about Bartman, the Goat, & Ronnie Woo Woo is priceless.

Anyway, just like Thursday in the NBA, not too much action on the Diamond tonight. I’m trying my hardest to keep the investments light, but that’s like telling Vin Baker to ignore a 2 for 1 drink special or to convince MJ not to get a suite at the hotel hosting the “Blondes are Not Stupid” convention. Speaking of the NBA, I’m finalizing my NBA Draft breakdown and I promise it will not disappoint. Besides my in-depth analysis of each prospect’s hardwood skills and where they fit best, I’ve also matched each of them with a supermodel that best represents their unique ability. I know…I’m a frickin’ loser! Time to roll Fellaz…be good and always remember to tip your dancers!

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June 22, 2007

MLB Special: 35-12 ATS…Unbelievable!

I’m hotter than a tea-kettle my lil’ degenerates and the news keeps gettin’ better…another undefeated day investing on America’s pastime, my webmaster made a kick-azz new banner, and I found a grenade of Mickey’s Ice in salad crisper this morning…what can I say, I feel like Greg Almighty! And don’t worry Homeboys, I’ll never be like every other gambling site that charges 50 bucks and then gives half the people the Cubs and the other half the Sox…I just hand-out free Turkeys like its Thanksgiving and stuff it with pictures of hot Asians and witty comedy. Just ask my loyal reader Gator Mike in Florida what it’s like to get a check for $400 from Greggy G because he out picked me in the Inaugural Insideplays.com Football Tourney. The bigger you guys help me make this, the bigger the island I buy for us to party at! Just like my diehard fans in Garland, TX who check us out virtually everyday…either you luv booty-licious gratuitous photos or you need to send me a thank you card for the new pick-up truck I bought ya!

Alrighty then, let’s get to some sports chatter. Here are few thoughts I have going into the weekend before I hand-out some more money and hot women:

I know my fellow Southsiders will think I’m a sellout, but I hope the Cubs beat our azz this weekend. A debacle like that would ensure GM Kenny Williams will blow this garbage up. If I have to hear one more Camero driving douchebag tell me these guys won a World Series for us I’m going to pull a Rae Carruth…oh wait, Rae Rae couldn’t even do that right! Honestly, I want Garland, Buehrle, Jenks, & Iguchi (and Pablo Ozuna of course), and you can ship-out the rest for some youngsters that are from a real farm system.

GM Greggy G’s proposal: Ben Gordon, Tyrus Thomas, Nocioni (sign-n-trade), & P.J. Brown (sign-n-trade) for Kevin Garnett & Rashard McCants. If Paxson, Skiles, & Co. would rather have Gasol, they could drop one of them from the deal. Check-out this starting line-up: Ben Wallace, Kevin Garnett, Luol Deng, Kirk Hinrich, & Thabo/McCants. Listen, I understand the rational that if KG is such a star, how come he can’t even make the playoffs. You know what I think, the group of players McHale has assembled is simply a pile of garbage, as well as, the fact they’ve never given Kevin an enforcer to help him out in the paint. People don’t understand how much easier life would be for him playing alongside Big Ben…and nobody would have the balls to take the ball to the hole against us. With this deal, we also hold onto our pick so Paxson can do what he does best…add more young talent!

Nothing makes me laugh more than an ESPN expert that tells us what a GM told him…HEY DORK, THEY ARE LYING TO YOU!!! Example: Everybody is saying that 7-foot Chinese phenom Yi Jianlian is dropping like a groupie on All-Star weekend. You know why, because GMs desperately want people to think they’re not interested so they can steal him. Speaking of Jianlian, you’ll see my mock draft next week and I think he’s the real M*tha F*ckin deal…no way he drops out of the top 5. As for Ohio St’s lighting quick playmaker Mike Conley, he better send Tony Parker a thank you card the second he gets picked. After watchin’ Eva’s boy dominate the postseason, it looks like the copycat league no longer is enthralled with the 6’5” post-up point guard. And finally, I’ve seen Glen Davis everywhere from the 26th pick to the second round. WRONG…Big-Baby can straight-up ball, has impressed every GM he’s worked-out for with his agility, and has been honest about his weight problem saying he was just uneducated as a youngster on eating right. Give that man a million-dollar nutritionist and he’ll average 15 ppg 8 rpg by year two. I’ll be more shocked than the chick who found Najah Davenport taking a dump her laundry basket if he drops past the 76ers at 21.

My lil’ guy is sick so I’ll be cooped up in the house all weekend. Send my some picks, send me some chicks, and send me your opinions on how we can make Insideplays.com world famous! Have a great weekend Homeboys

Continue reading "MLB Special: 35-12 ATS…Unbelievable!" »

June 23, 2007

MLB Special: 37-12 ATS...U feel lucky!

We are a 3rd of the way there Sox fans…two more victories by the Cubbies on our home-turf and GM Kenny Will has to start shipping-out this bowl o’ crapola. Thx for the text-messages last night my friends, I agree…I’m un‘frickin’believable! BTW, does it count as having fruit for breakfast if you put a lime in your 7 n 7? Much Luv to ya fellaz, especially to Chicago Bear Tank Johnson who was pulled OVA for speeding at 3:30 a.m. Friday in PHX : “I swear officers, it’s for my glaucoma!” While his legal team and Bears scramble to figure out what to do, I think we should continue to steal hundreds from anybody the doesn’t listen to insideplays.com!

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June 24, 2007

MLB Daily Special: 38-15 ATS

Tough one yesterday as 3 out 4 of my teams won, but I was giving-up 1.5 runs in two of them and they both won by one. What can I say, at least you know Greggy G is human. On a positive note, my Southsiders are two-thirds of the way to givin’ Cubdom a sweep and forcing a wonderful fire-sale from Kenny Will to actually get us some young talent. For the first time all year, I think the Sux will come thru for me. Got a roll Homeboys, I’m out of Tom Collins Mix…SUNDAY FUNDAY!!!

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June 25, 2007

MLB Special: 40-16 ATS…ReDonkulous!

What a Sunday Funday! My Homeboys and I closed out the weekend with 10 pitchers of Watermelon Vodka Lemonade, 5 frozen bar pizzas (that I just realize have permanently damaged the roof of my mouth), Golden ‘Gamblin’ Tee, and watching my wallet get fatter during Sunday Night baseball after doubling-up like it was Hawaii during college football season (FYI, in the gamblin’ world, Hawaii plays their home football games at midnight, which means degenerates can either double-up or play catch-up…when their drunker than Rick Sutcliffe on an off-day). And most importantly, my weekend wish came true; no…Zubaz aren’t making a comeback, the Cubs swept my White Sux! I told you BEEATCHES they’d get swept and Kenny Will would be so angry he’d trade away all the garbage and finally get some youngsters from actual productive farm systems. Of course, they one arm I want the Sux to keep, Burls, will probably be the first to be traded. BTW, moment of silence for the mulleted-wonder Rod Beck…on your lunch break, please pour out a lil’ liquor for one of the coolest closers of all-time.

As for the most exciting day in sports for yours truly, only 3 more days until the NBA draft! I know most of you hate the NBA, but I love watching Loch Ness Monster footage of prized European prospects dunking on 5’5” dudes smokin’ clove-cigarettes…followed by Dickie ‘Dumbazz’ V screaming how Bobby Hurley should be taken ova everybody from overseas (FYI, my mock NBA/swimsuit model Draft will be out Wednesday morning). As for my week, what can I say…my caviar and Alize lunch will once again be paid for by my guy and Smoke Daddy softball is lookin’ to continue an unbelievable win-streak! Let’s start the week off right boys, and remember what Tank Johnson has taught us…wait, he hasn’t taught us shiznit! Holla

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June 26, 2007

MLB Special: 42-18 ATS…Dollar, Dollar, Bill!

Another crazy day in the wild world of sports that would’ve made an evening with Shawn Kemp in a hotel with a bottle of Viagra and Spanish fly seem tame. I was just tryin’ to finish my NBA Draft write-up and not spill my 32 oz Cocktail Pot-Pie of booze on my laptop, and proceeded to get flooded with text messages from all my inside sources: Things like…Tank’s thanking the Bears and apologizing for the distractions after his release, rumors of Garnett being shipped to LA in four-team blockbuster are met with Krabby Kobe saying he still wants out, the craziness at Wrigleyville with drunks attackin’ pitchers and 9th inning comebacks, and finally, the tragic news of what a COWARD does when taking his own life just isn’t enough. I guess the dreams of Chris Benoit’s son and wife were just not as important as his own…Enjoy the flames BEEATCH!

Tough to get on with business after that, but I’ll do my best to improve the mood. Speaking of ruining the mood, as I mixed my bloody this morning and silently-gloated what I believed to be a 3-1 record last night, I was more shocked than Muhsin Muhammad when he doesn’t drop a pass that the Dodgers scored 2 runs in the 9th to ruin my UNDA by ½ a run. Oh well, feeling like shiznit cause I went .500 is like John Daly gettin’ up-set cause his marriage only lasted 6 months. Anyway, I gotta roll Homeboys, wish the Smoke Daddy squad some luck tonight on the softball diamond and always remember to find a lunchtime lingere show with wireless internet so you can read Insideplays.com!

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June 27, 2007

MLB Special: 44-19 ATS…Just silly!

What did I tell you about bettin’ the OVA on Tuesday fellaz…it’s a bigger lock than an NBA superstar asking to be traded after realizing the team sucks cause he took all their cap-space. Speaking of the professional hardwood, I haven’t had an NBA Draft chubby like this since the Bulls drafted Brad Sellers. My mock draft is on hold until tomorrow as it looks like more picks are going to be swapped than steroids at a WW(F/E) Wrestling convention. Also, we have so much afternoon baseball I think I’m going to need another notepad for all my investment documentation. And what’s this, Kenny Williams reads www.insideplays.com and finally realized he should sign Mark Buehrle to long-term deal…I knew he was a genius. With that, I’m going to leave you with a few quick thoughts on what to expect the next few days…before handing out money like the New York Yankees when their short on pitching:

1. The NBA will ban former Celtics from being GMs
Larry Bird (Pacers), Kevin McHale (T-Wolves), & Danny Ainge (Celtics) have basically ruined 3 franchises. Hey Larry the Legend, I know you were a slow white-guy, but that doesn’t mean you should trade for every slow white-guy. Your paying Troy Murphy & Mike Dunleavy 16 frickin’ million a year you fool!

2. Even as a Southsider, I can’t stop watching the Cubs
Even if you don’t have an Asian fetish, are you turning off the tube when a Kobe Tai marathon is on channel 986? My reasons…Nobody is more entertaining to watch than Alfonso Soriano with his Peter North sized bat and unorthodox outfield play, you never know what Big Z or Sweet Lou might do, and watching Cubs fans at Wrigley is like a frat party, a New Kids concert, & a Harley Davidson convention all rolled into one. Keep it up Cubbies and keep a bandwagon spot for Uncle Greggy!

3. The Rocket has is 1-2 with a 5.09 ERA
Heheheheheheheheh…old stingy bastard!

4. Kevin Garnett next to Amare is Redonkulous
If Steve Kerr can get KG without giving-up Amare, we have the GM of the year and NBA Title for 2008 already wrapped-up. No matter how many times the Suns run past teams in the regular season, when the playoffs come they look like Rex Grossman trying to stiff-arm a D-lineman when trying to stop Timmy D on the block. As for all the Matrix luv, he makes way more money than Amare and you’ll be surprised how average he looks out of the Phoenix/Nash system.

5. I went to the Dentist yesterday!
This is the exact conversation I had with my dentist:

Greggy G: It’s not you Dr. Lee, I’ve always been deathly afraid of the dentist. It’s embarrassing I haven’t been here in 3 years, and I apologize for avoiding your secretary’s calls like it’s the cops.
Dr. Lee: Actually Mr. Gamble, it’s been 5 years…we need to take some X-Rays. (X-rays are taken and he begins to scrap-off the sin on my teeth as a sweat thru my Devil Ray tighty-whitey’s.)
Dr Lee: Oh my god Mr Gamble?! (A shaving of Labatt Blue soils my D-Ray undergarment)
Dr Lee: I can’t believe you don’t have one cavity! You must not chew, smoke, drink, or hang-out at strip-clubs.
Greggy G: I’m a pretty dorky-guy Dr. Lee, I just like to read & floss…Btw, have you heard of Insideplays.com?

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June 28, 2007

Greggy G’s 2007 Mock NBA/Hot Model Draft

It feels like X-Mas Homeboys! The Inaugural Greg Gamble 2007 NBA/Hot Model Draft. I’m not gonna tell you what will happen…I’m gonna tell you what should happen! In my humble, but correct opinion, the stupidest thing I always hear (besides what was said by Tim Hardaway) is: WE TOOK THE BEST PLAYER AVAILABLE! Attention NBA GMs, this is not the NFL draft…you have one round to improve your team and prevent your superstar from requesting a trade! (FYI, the 2nd round doesn’t mean “Naja Devenport squatting in a closet” because of the short-term contracts.) There are only 5 guys on the court at a time (the Knicks should get six), so maybe, just maybe the so-called NBA architects might want to actually grab someone they need! As for my mock draft, it’s pretty straight forward. I wish I had the luxury of proposing some trades in this draft, but there was high-roller game of Golden Tee going on last night and I tried to win my lady that white tiger she's always wanted. If you don’t like I how I roll, go ahead and read the mock drafts from the gurus who get lied to by every GM so they can lay a smoke-screen that would make Nate Newton proud!

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June 29, 2007

MLB Special: 46-22 ATS…I luv paper!

Crazy day at the Gamble Household…and no, my girl didn’t figure-out my lockbox combination. Gonna make this quick, but here are a few draft thoughts before I head to the diamond to start-up a new winning streak:

1. Who should be more embarrassed regarding Stephen A. Smith and Dickie V…blacks or whites? Since I’ve been watching the draft, I’ve never heard Dumbass Dickie not drool ova every kid that played college basketball, while he continues to yell, spitt, and wave his arms like a crazied ol’ man talking to himself on park bench. As for Stephen Azz, I can’t believe ESPN lets him sit their as a draft analyst…he knows less about the NBA than Mitch Kupchak and all the former Celtics that are GMs!

2. Poor Doc Rivers, with Paul Pierce, Jesus ‘No D’ Shuttlesworth, & Al Jefferson, how they hell are they going to prevent teams from scoring 130 every night? On that note, what a trade/day for the SuperDurants! They now get to keep Rashard Lewis, who’s cheaper, younger, and a much better rebounder, and will now sport the most lethal, and towering 2, 3, 4 combo for the next decade with Captain Durant, Jeff Green, & Rashard Lewis. The Pacific Northwest isn't gonna be a fun road-trip anymore!

3. What the hell is Isiah doing? So he’s gonna have two over-weight players that basically sit with their back to the basket, while Stephon Marbury & Nate Robinson dribble around looking to penetrate. You know it’s a bad move when Stephen Azz is calling you genius!

4. I received about 50 text-messages last night from Bulls fans screaming about another defensive-minded, no-offense big. While I’d agree with them if all those guys stay, I have to believe Paxson, Skiles, & Co. are trading for an established low-post threat and believe Noah holds the most appeal around the league. As a rule, it’s easier to trade for a veteran big, if you’re giving-up a young big. If Joakim does stays, he replaces Big Ben Wallace when the Bulls need to throw-in his contract to help match-up some salaries. GO GET GASOL OR GARNETT JOHNNY PAX!!!

I’ll have a complete draft recap next week, but what an awesome job by Portland, Seattle, & Golden State last night. Take it light Homeboys, and also remember never to drink Everclear when you’ve got Poprocks in your mouth!

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About June 2007

This page contains all entries posted to Inside Plays in June 2007. They are listed from oldest to newest.

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