We’ve now crossed the 20 games OVA .500 mark and the All-Star break is still a few weeks away! What can I say, I feel like Dylan from 90210…no matter how much of an azz he was, it didn’t change the fact that he was hung like Rueben Patterson and layin’-pipe to Kelly Kapowski, Vanessa Marcil, & the Noxema chick whenever he wanted! The funny thing is that my greedy ‘Roger Clemans’ azz feels like I should have gone 3-0 instead of 2-0 with a push last night. Oh well, at least I didn’t have to deal with what the diehard Cub fans had to yesterday. The only thing more ironic than SamME Sosa jacking # 600 against the Northsiders was when Mark Chmura boycotted the Packers' trip to the White House because of his public criticism of Bill Clinton’s morality. Speaking of ironic, did you hear what music they played as they celebrated Sosa’s accomplishment in Texas…the theme from the M*tha F*ckin NATURAL! You can’t make that shiznit up. While I’m not a Cub Hater and actually hope they make the playoffs, Cubdom drama & drunk garbage throwin’ is frickin’ hilarious to me. I know we’ve got white-trash farther/son combos smokin’ crack & attackin’ coaches and our only ‘somewhat’ hot chicks have Marlboro Reds rolled-up in their sleeves, but angry azz-clowns from Wrigleyville that still talk about Bartman, the Goat, & Ronnie Woo Woo is priceless.
Anyway, just like Thursday in the NBA, not too much action on the Diamond tonight. I’m trying my hardest to keep the investments light, but that’s like telling Vin Baker to ignore a 2 for 1 drink special or to convince MJ not to get a suite at the hotel hosting the “Blondes are Not Stupid” convention. Speaking of the NBA, I’m finalizing my NBA Draft breakdown and I promise it will not disappoint. Besides my in-depth analysis of each prospect’s hardwood skills and where they fit best, I’ve also matched each of them with a supermodel that best represents their unique ability. I know…I’m a frickin’ loser! Time to roll Fellaz…be good and always remember to tip your dancers!
BALTIMORE ORIOLES (+110) @ SAN DIEGO PADRES
I know the Padres have been one of the best teams during the 1st half, but I’m still not impressed with their line-up. When Mike Cameron (.257 8 HR 33 RBI) is your clean-up hitter, it’s time to give Fred McGriff & Jose Canseco a call. Overall, they only hit .246 as a team and are still without Brian Giles. Lefty David Wells (3-4 4.86) toes the rubber this afternoon and after watchin’ him against the Cubbies in his last start, I’ll be shocked if his ERA is UNDA 5.25 by season’s end. As for the Orange Birds, I know they’ve sucked for years, but they have some right-handed power in the line-up, bat .272 against lefties, and seem to have a lil’ life after the coaching change. In addition, southpaw Erik Bedard (4-4 3.64) has been brilliant at times OVA his career and hasn’t given up more than 3 runs in his last 9 starts…Orioles 2-4 runs
PITTSBURG PIRATES @ SEATTLE MARINERS (-1.5) (+105)
This is what you call the White Sux factor as Pirates pitcher John Van Benschoten was called-up from the minors for his 1st start of the year against Ozzie’s weak hitting crew. Imagine the shock he’ll feel when realizing he’s facing real major league hitters today. As for Seattle, you’ve heard me say time and time again, the Mariners line-up is the most UNDArated in baseball and can hurt you in sooo many ways. Lou Pinella’s old squad will be sending phenom Felix Hernandez to the mound, and I’m guessing his confidence will be sky-high after watching Jeff Weaver (0-6 10.97 before yesterday) pitch a shutout Wednesday. I’m so confident, I’ve told weirdo manager Jim Tracy he can start the game up 1.5 to 0…Mariners by 3-6 runs