Can the week start off any sweeter…3-0 in baseball, 1-0 in football, and I have my first fantasy draft of the season. The only one having a better week may be R. Kelly’s attorneys! I mean we just heard about Ronny Mex’s doggie dog world and a potential plea-deal has already been reached. Mr. “I believe I can Make it Rain on your Head” is accused of lewd acts with a minor on a video-tape, but the chick is now 46 years-old and claiming it’s not even her…yeah, that sound like an iron-clad case…looks like Bad Newz Kennels hired the wrong legal team!
And how about news that pretty-boy Tiki is taking shots at ugly-boy Eli about his lack of leadership in the huddle…shiznit Eli, everybody knows Tim Hardaway could MC the Gay-Pride Parade better than your azz can convince Plaxico and Shockey to listen-up! But enough about a guy who shouldn’t get drafted unless you play in 66 team Fantasy league, today is the first day I defend my title in the Bowl O’ Dicks league. Since I only suffered one loss last year (and that had something to do with a certain NBA ref), I think it’s only fair to give my fellow opponents a little help in their fantasy selections tonight. With that, I give you Greggy G’s back-ups for the 2007-08 season you must consider…
BILLY JOE HOBERT & BILLY JOE TOLLIVER
While both are still unsigned this season, nuttin’ says depth & stability than a QB named “Billy Joe”. If I had to pick between the two, I’d have to say I’m biased toward Tolliver…I’ve always had a thing for Red-Heads & Asians, and I don’t think the name “Hobert” screams Pacific-Rim.
CURTIS ENIS & RASHAAN SALAAM
Both former Bear 1st round picks should be well-rested and ready for redemption. While the wacky-weed could be a problem for Salaam and distractions from the Lord could hinder Enis, just waking-up and seeing their name on my roster would make me smile bigger than Antonio Alfonseca when he found the “Extra Finger Glove Store”.
While some experts think he’s ova the hill, Chmura (aka Chewy or To Catch a Predator) has had plenty of rehab stints in the hot-tub and we know the Packers can’t say goodbye to crazy-ole white dudes.
On a serious note, following my draft tomorrow I’ll post my real fantasy rankings…cause I know your sleeping as well as Lindsay Lohan on some nose candy without ‘em!
KANSAS CITY ROYALS @ CHICAGO WHITE SOX (UNDA 9)
Yes, I know I’m going out on limb taking the unda with Jose Contreras on the mound, but scouting the Royals last night (honestly, I could only stomach about 4 minutes of these two Garbage-Pal teams)…they have a bunch of has-beens, never-wills, and Menudo members filling-up the scorecard. Also, the 47 year-old Contreras has had some extra rest lately and eventually has to remember how dominant he was just two years ago. As for the Royals starter, Brian Bannister (9-7, 3.31) has been one of the few bright spots the club has seen on the mound in the last 14 years…Sux/AAA Royals 3-6 total runs
CHICAGO CUBS @ SAN FRAN GIANTS (UNDA 8.5)
I know you’re sick of hearing how ole’ the AARP Giants line-up is, but they’re actually older than the last time I told ya. As for hurler Barry Zito, he’s looked better lately (1-hitter thru 7 innings in his last start) and will be facing a Cub squad that has struggled all season versus lefties. On the rubber for Sweet Lou’s boys, Rich Hill only allowed 3 hits in his last start and is facing a retirement community that has the lowest batting average in all of baseball against southpaws (.240)…Cubs/Giants 3-6 total runs