Chi-Town in August baby…Eddie Vedder wearin’ a Kerry Wood jersey, AVP volleyball chicks wearing almost nuttin’, and Tom Glavine’s wife lookin’ flawless…as my boy Ice Cube would say: I got to say it was a good day! While the weekend enables me to pay lil’ attention to the wacky wild world of sports, Sunday Night is always fun to catch-up on all the superstars that were injured, jailed, or partying like a Lohan. And what do you know, there were all kinds of goodies for us…
1. The inventor of the “I Make it Rain, but I take it back” mantra, Pac-Man Jones has reportedly signed a contract with a professional wrestling circuit to pass the time while he’s suspended from the NFL and awaiting a couple trips to the courthouse. While I’ll believe it when I see it and have a feeling his agent and the NFL will suggest otherwise, if he does show-up with a cape, some goggles and a funny nickname…I’m paying $59 pay-per-view for the first time for men in tights!
2. Former Cub Neifi Perez (Det) was suspended for 80 games following his 3rd positive test for a banned substance. While this is a sad story and Gregg G wants the kids to know to never use drugs, could you image what Neifi would be hitting if wasn’t taking some sort of Flaxseed Oil? He’s batting .171 with 1 HR & 6 RBI’s on the shiznit! And of course, his response to the suspension was that the medicine was cleared by his doctor. Just once, I’d luv to hear an athlete get caught and say: “Hell ya I took it…taking that shiznit got me a huge contract in 2002 and now I have a few vacation days to get my acne in control!”
3. While watching Auto-Racing excites me like heading to the doctor for a yearly-physical…10 years late, I can’t get enough of these crazy southern white dudes fighting in pit-row with Penis Enlargement logos on their back. Even the old-timers can help with the famed-racing stereotype…did you see what 4-time Indianapolis-500 winner A.J. Foyt has been up to? Foyt stole headlines in Texas after reports surfaced that he narrowly survived a tragic bulldozer-in-a-lake plunge. While I’m glade he’s O.K., you can’t make this shiznit-up…hopefully his girl at least put the mayonnaise-sandwich in a zip-lock bag?
4. Rafer Alston, in the midst of a suddenly crowded backcourt battle in Houston (Stevie Franchise, speedy-Aaron Brooks, and “I’m MIKE JAMES Beeatch!”), may have improved his stock with new coach Rick Adelman by showing a feistiness even off the floor this weekend. The former streetball star was charged for assault and public intoxication, but did impress the cops with his Skip-to-my-Lou performance all the way to the cop car.
And finally, for all the shiznit I give Cubdom, it was awesome to see the luv they showed Tom Glavine for his 300th win yesterday. The fact that the dude with a hot-wife won the majority of those games during the steroid era makes it even more impressive. Enjoy the Monday Homeboys, and make sure to cancel any doggie-play-dates you had with Ving Rhames.
NEW YORK YANKEES @ TORONTO BLUE JAYS (OVA 10)
While we know the Bronx Bombers are guaranteed to score at least 5 runs a night, the Blue Jays actually have the baseball numbers in their favor tonight. While ranking 26th in the majors for BA against righties, the Blue Jays rank 3rd hitting .292 versus lefties and will be facing the extremely average Andy Pettitte (7-7, 3.97). In addition, Toronto had a nice weekend at home sweeping the Rangers and will be throwing a rookie out on the mound to face the Yanks …Yankees/Blue Jays 12-15 runs
CHICAGO CUBS @ HOUSTON ASTROS (UNDA 9)
The Cubs struggle mightily against lefties, will be playing without Soriano, are coming-off a late game last night at Wrigley, and face a southpaw that has been unbelievable at home lately. While Wandy Rodriguez has been horrific in last 3 road starts (0-3, 12.1 innings, 22 hits, 19 runs), he’s been equally as good in his last 3 starts at Minute Maid Park (3-0, 23 innings, 12 hits, 1 run). As for Cubs lefty Rich Hill (6-6. 3.67), while he’s struggled with his control lately, I expect him to find his early season form against the strugglin’ Astros…Cubs/Astros 4-6 total runs
WASHINGTON NATIONALS @ SAN FRAN GIANTS (-1.5) (+110)
I almost never play the Giants, but tonight it’s just too good to pass-up. The Nationals had a long flight from St. Louis yesterday and will be throwing rookie John Lannan (1-0, 5.40) to the mound on national TV against a veteran San Fran line-up and the potentially record breaking-roider Barry Bonds. Don’t tell me the rook isn’t going to be nervous, and don’t tell me the Nats can continue their hot streak…it’s scientifically impossible. In addition, the Giants will be sending their new found ace Tim Lincecum (6-2, 3.75) to the rubber…Giants by 3-5 runs