Before I get to my Fantasy Football analysis and investment strategies for the diamond, for the first time in a long-time, I’d like to give a sincere salutation to a professional athlete…not too bad Mr. Ankiel! After watching the young pitching phenom deal with a mental breakdown in the 2000 playoffs and continue to throw with as much accuracy as Chuck Knoblauch at 2nd ova the next 3 years, it was remarkable to see the converted outfielder hit a 3-run home run in his first Major League action since 2004. While I wasn’t as emotional as I was for the 90210 series finale or Spud Webb’s retirement, I have to say it was awesome to see him head to dugout and watch as his teammates/coaches/fans acted as though he’d just won the World Series. Congrats Rick, you the shiznit.
With that, I give you my Fantasy QBs Movin’-up and Movin-down, followed by a baseball pick that will make my Cubbie fans proud. Have a great weekend and don’t forget to pull-out the “Straight off the boat and on my lap Asians” DVD before your girl tries to throw-in She’s All That with her girlfriend…man am I stupid!
MOVIN’ ON UP
JON KITNA (DETROIT LIONS)
Projected QB rank: 13th
Greggy G QB rank: 6th
In Jonny K’s 1st season in Mo-Town, the 34-year old threw for 4,200 yards and 21 TDs…and 22 Ints (damn!). While many of those picks were thrown in desperate 2nd half comeback attempts, Kitna’s convinced another year with his WRs and the offense will only improve his efficiency (67% completion…not too frickin’ shabby!). Not to mention, the Lions added a game-breaker in Calvin Johnson who may the best WR prospect I've ever seen. With Roy Williams on one side, the Georgia Tech rook on the other, and Mike Furrey catching everything underneath like Tommy Waddle on speed, don’t be fooled when Kitna throws for 4,600 yards and 25 Tuddies.
TONY ROMO (DALLAS COWBOYS)
Projected QB rank: 11th
Greggy G QB rank: 7th
If you extrapolate (sounds like some type of Ronny Mex dog-torture device) Tony Ro’s numbers over a full season, the former pipe-layer of Carrie Underwood (sexiest legs in the world) would have thrown for ova 4,000 yards and +/-28 TDs. Also, considering TO dropped more balls than the “Queer-Eye for the Straight-Guy” fellaz and Jason Witten had a down year, those numbers could actually have been a lot higher. Throw-in a much more relaxed atmosphere with everybody’s favorite coach/uncle Wade Phillips and a full training camp of 1st-team snaps, and we could see Tony in the Top-5 for QB fantasy points this year.
MOVIN’ ON DOWN
MATT HASSELBECK (SEATTLE SEAHAWKS)
Projected QB Rank: 7th
Greggy G Rank: 13th
Even Hasselbeck's famous wife would agree Matt had a sub-par performance last year (19th in Passing Rating/25th in Comp%) and that was with his favorite target WR Darrell Jackson in-town. Now that Jackson’s off to San Fran and Shaun Alexander has vowed to recapture the rushing-crown, you think we'll see 2 or 3 TDs every week? In addition, the 31-year old moves like a 41-year old and seems nervous in the pocket ever since the best guard in the league (Steve Hutchinson) left for the Viqueens. And finally, Greggy G Fantasy Rule #35b: Never draft a QB who has a back-up that’s faster than Flo-Jo, cooler than Chris Tucker, and a former Cyclone. Yeah, I’m talking about the roll-out master Seneca Wallace Homeboys!
ELI MANNING (NEW YORK GIANTS)
Projected QB Rank: 11th
Greggy G QB Rank: 17th
Is it me, or does it look like Eli would rather be anywhere else in the world than managing the gridiron on Sunday. Seriously, he looks more nervous than my azz after peeing in a cup and doesn’t seem to have any support from his peers in the huddle. Throw-in the fact that Tiki’s gone, Plaxico & Shockey act like lil beeatches, and coach Tom Coughlin is a few games from being fired, this season could be a complete disaster. Especially if the G-men get off a slow start, New Yorkers will be all over the sensitive lil brother of Peyton, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Coughlin looked at the guy holding a clipboard (Anthony Wright) to desperately save his job. Maybe I’m wrong, but as my record shows, that’s only about 30% of the time!
BOSTON RED SOX @ BALTIMORE ORIOLES (UNDA 8.5)
In Dice-K’s last 3 starts he has an ERA 1.77, while Bedard has an ERA of 2.89 ova his last 3. While I’m no mathematician…those two numbers don’t add up to 8.5. I know the Red Sox line-up is loaded and the Orioles are just playing for fantasy stats, but this game screams 3-1…Sox/Orioles 4-6 total runs
TORONTO BLUE JAYS @ KANSAS CITY ROYALS
The Blue Jays are kinda good and have a solid young pitcher on the mound (Shaun Marcum: 8-4, 3.63), while the Royals are kinda bad and have an average middle-aged pitcher on the mound (Gil Meche’s last three starts: 0-3, 6.38). That works for me…Blue Jays by 3-5 runs
CHICAGO CUBS @ COLORADO ROCKIES
I luv when I play against the Cubbies and lose because it’s feels like I have a ton of friends after the 23 text message. As for the Rockies play today, Aaron Cook (8-6, 4.16) has been solid all season and pitched a complete game in his last start in Coors. The Cubs will match with Jason “My ERA will 5 soon enough” Marquis has 7.71 ERA in last 3 starts…and none of those were even in Colorado…Rockies by 3-5 runs