It’s a depressing morning in Chi-Town, and not because Zambrano looked like someone stole his lunchbox or the White Sox looked like someone stole their “How to play baseball for Dummies” handbook, but because Smoke Daddy Softball was eliminated from the playoffs in a hard-fought 1-run battle. While we gave more effort than former Poison star Brett Michaels does pretending he’s still a relevant rocker, the rumor of the ump knowing Tim Donaghy's barber and the 2nd basemen was too much to overcome. Oh well, at least I got 2 hits in the last game of my contract year…because I live by the Roger Clemens motto: It’s not about how many you win, it’s about how much you make!
As for today, I have some important fantasy football news for ya. I know most leagues have 10 or 12 players, but if you don’t grab one of the 7 QBs listed below, you’ll be sitting at home like Latrell Sprewell when the playoffs come around. With that, here are Greggy G’s Seven Signal-Callers of Supreme Significance:
1. PEYTON MANNING (so-called Expert Rank: 1)
06-07: 4397 yards, 31 TDs 9 INTs
No QB warrants a top-8 pick overall besides Peyton Manning & Seneca Wallace, and I’d even consider taking Eli’s brother with the 4th or 5th. Seemingly a lock to play all 16 games and throw at least 2 TDs and 250 yards each contest, it’s an unbelievable luxury to have Peyton’s consistency week-in and week-out. Especially with a running game that lost a major contributor in Dominic Rhodes, I expect Peyton’s #s to be even better this year.
2. CARSON PALMER (so called Expert Rank: 2)
06-07: 4035 yards, 28 TDs 13 INTs
I was extremely tempted to take Marc Bulger here, but you have to assume Palmer will be even better a full-year removed from knee surgery. In addition, the Bengal backfield has suffered some major injuries behind Rudi Johnson, so expect the former Trojan to throw it even more this season. As for the defense, it’s easier to move on the Bengals than it will be to movepast Paul Pierce & Ray Allen of the Boston Celtics. Marv Lewis’s squad gave-up the 3rd most yards per game in the NFL last year and doesn’t look all that improved on the defensive side...which is bad for him, but good for Palmer owners.
3. MARC BULGER (so called Expert Rank: 5)
06-07: 4301 yards, 24 TDs 8 INTs
Another team whose defense looks awful, Bulger will be forced to score more than NBA groupie on All-star weekend. Only Brett Favre & Jon Kitna threw more passes last season, and no reason to think he won’t be near the top again this year. In addition, with Stephen Jackson continuing to command more attention than the Olsen Twins, Bulger will have plenty of down-field opportunities and single coverage. The Rams added deep-threat Drew Bennett to complement Bruce & Holt at WRm while Randy McMichael gives Bulger his first playmaker at the TE position in years.
4. DREW BREES (so called Expert Rank: 3)
06-07: 4418 yards, 26 TDs 11 INTs
What a dream season for the undersized former Charger. Throw-in another year of experience with his WRs and Reggie Bush’s development, and Brees should continue his video-game style offensive dominance. While Coach Sean Payton is not going to turn into Herm Edwards overnight, I do expect the Saints to run the ball even more this season with teams more prepared for the Saints spread-offense. Still a lock for the Top-5, I’m guessing you may see his yardage creep closer to 4000 this year.
5. JON KITNA (so called Expert Rank: 13)
06-07: 4208 yards, 21 TDs 22 INTs
It’s like the former NFL Europe MVP was granted a dream from the “Make a Wish Foundation” at age 34. The former Central Washington University star already had the two WRs with ridiculous numbers last year (Roy Williams & Mike Furrey combined for 180 catches, 2400 yards) and the Lions added the most dominate WR prospect I’ve ever seen in Calvin Johnson. Throw-in a Martz favorite from St. Louis in Shaun McDonald and a running game that continues to be inconsistent, and you’ll see the Private Pyle look-alike tossing the pigskin even more than last season.
6. TONY ROMO (so called Expert Rank: 10)
06-07: (11 starts) 2903 yards, 19 TDs 13 INTs
If you extrapolate (sounds like some type of Ronny Mex dog-torture device) Tony Ro’s numbers over a full season, the former pipe-layer of Carrie Underwood (sexiest legs in the world) would have thrown for ova 4,000 yards and +/-28 TDs. Also, considering TO dropped more balls than the “Queer-Eye for the Straight-Guy” fellaz and Jason Witten had a down year, those numbers could actually have been a lot higher. Throw-in a much more relaxed atmosphere with everybody’s favorite coach/uncle Wade Phillips and a full training camp of 1st-team snaps, and we could see Tony in the Top-5 for QB fantasy points this year.
7. TOM BRADY (so called Expert Rank: 4)
06-07: 3529 yards, 24 TDs 12 INTs
For the first time in his fantasy world, the golden-child known as Tom Brady has a ‘lil stress in his life. While dating supermodels is a stress most are willing to deal with, when you’re rich and have your first child with someone other than the one your currently dating…I’m guessing you have some new drama to deal with. Also, I think the addition of Randy Moss is extremely ova-rated and believe that Belichick will put a much higher emphasis on Laurence Maroney and the running game this season. While an extremely efficient QB who may have another chance at a Super Bowl this year, Brady has only thrown for ova 4000 yards only once and has seen his TD #s decline the past three seasons.
That’s all of them boys…don’t be a fool and think you grab another one later…it’s a Greggy G Guarantee. Enjoy my picks and pics and make to sure to check back tomorrow for more debauchery and sports knowledge from your favorite degenerate Polack!
DETROIT TIGERS @ CLEVELAND INDIANS (-1.5 RUNS)
One of these days the Tribe is going to start hitting like they should, and hopefully, it happens tonight against the 21-year old Jair Jurrjens making his Major League debut for Detroit. Especially with this game on ESPN and playoff implications galore, I'm guessing the nerves may get the best of the rook. As for Cleveland , they send their most consistent pitcher to the mound in Fausto Carmona (13-7, 3.26) who has pitched at least 7 innings in his last 6 starts with an ERA of 1.84…The Tribe by 3-5 runs