Back by further demand…the man, the myth, and my legendary Homeboy…TEASIN’ T-BONE! He’ll be ridin’ shotgun all-season with me, so next time you see him on the street make sure to shower him with luv and plenty of Dr. Mcgillicutty’s. For my Saturday picks, just click on the “Continue Reading” link after his filthy write-up…GAME DAY BEEATCHES!!!
TEASIN’ T-BONES SATURDAY WINNERS
2007 ATS Records: 0-0 2007 Teasers: 0-0
Teasin’ T-Bone is back baby, coming out of hibernation just like that cold sore on your mouth that you try to convince your lady is from a blistering wind storm. This year will have many similarities….booze, betting, wasted days, and yes, the Cyclones season being over before the first friggin’ Saturday of the year. Sometimes winning is everything, Mr. Chizick. On to the winners during this Labor Day weekend.
Western Michigan @ West Virginia -24
I like numbers, so let me spill some knowledge. The Broncos lost to mediocre Indiana and Cincy last year while going 1-2 in non-conference play and 8-5 overall. Over the summer they lost over 3300 yds of offense and are asking a new QB in Peregrin to try to live without a running game. On top of that they only bring 15 seniors to the table. All of this against a Mountaineers squad that has improved on their speed, aggressiveness, and firepower. Did I forget to mention they are bringing back over 4600 yards and 40 TD’s. Dr. Uh-oh and West Virginia make a statement and get out of the blocks early, this one is covered by half. WV by 35
UCLA –17 @ Stanford
The Bruins finished 7-6 last year and start the year at a preseason #14, now that is respect for the talent and experience that is coming back. Cowan will make sure that the rest of the PAC 10 see just how much the baby blue squad can score. As for the mighty Trees of Stanford, the sooner this game is over the quicker they can get to their tennis stadium and watch the only real team on campus. UCLA won this one 31-0 last year, and they have only created separation since. Like all of us have said before, ‘man that’s a wide gap’, but this time I’m talkin’ sports gentlemen. UCLA by 30+
It’s not T-Bone without the teasers, so read up
Kansas State teased up to +19.5 @ Auburn
Auburn may be good late in the year, but not on day one with only one returning offensive lineman and their nucleus Lester sitting on the bench. This game will be filled with stunts and punts as both offenses struggle all day long. Tigers win, but not by much.
Central Florida @ NC State teased down to –2
So you’re telling me I can win money if the Wolfpack can beat the mighty Knights of UCF at home. Puff, puff, pass Smokey, cause I am obviously not in the same frame of mind that the oddsmakers are to offer up a teaser like this. I don’t personally care for either team, but I do like the smell of lettuce rolled up in my pocket. Even without Coach Raspy Voice...they won’t lose this home opener.
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IOWA HAWKEYES (-12) @ N. ILLINOIS HUSKIES (@ CHICAGO)
This is how you know it’s all about SHOWIN’ ME THE MULA. I hate the Hawkeyes more than I hate Rex Grossman’s small hands, but that won’t stop me from doubling-up grandma’s $20 birthday check. Especially with Kirk Ferentz coming-off a disappointing season, I have a feeling the Hawkeyes are going to open ‘07 more fired-up than Jeremy Shockey after a 6-yard catch. In Ferentz’s 8-years he’s done a remarkable job of adding depth, size, and discipline to the program, and my have the best QB in his tenure ready to start his reign (soph. Jake Christensen). Surprisingly, Christensen’s only start last year came against Northern Illinois in 24-14 victory (19-30 256 yards 2 TDs 1 Int). While the final score doesn’t seem overwhelming, the fact that the Hawkeyes held the Huskies to under 200 yards on the day was amazing. With phenom RB Garrett Wolfe and QB Phil Horvath both gone, I expect an even more dominating performance by the D and the offense to run at will against the undersized Huskies. Also, with the game at Soldier Field this will be more of an advantage for the Hawkeyes with all their fanatical fans making the trip…shiznit, what else is there to do in Iowa? BTW, if you do make the trip, make sure to ask the bartender for some Templeton Rye Whiskey…it’s brand new in Chi-Town, born in Iowa, and tastes sweeter than top-shelf Malt Liquor. I could go on, but writing about the Hawks makes my balls hurt.
PREDICTION: IOWA 31 N. ILLINOIS 13
WAKE FOREST D. DEACONS @ BOSTON COLLEGE (-6)
In my humble, but correct opinion, even with new headmaster Jeff Jagodzinski (Green Bay Packers O-Coordinator) the Golden Eagles will win the ACC. With the conservative Tom O’Brien gone, 6’5” Sr. QB Matt Ryan will finally be allowed to throw the pigskin like an NFL signal-caller, which will also open-up the field for the most underrated RB duo in the nation (Sr.’s L.V. Whitworth & Andre Callender). Throw-in the fact that Wake Forest is replacing most of their secondary and only have five starters on defense overall, and this could be easy pickins for Mr. Ryan. While the Demon Deacons were a feel-good story in ‘06, nobody will overlook them this year and I’d be surprised if they were much better than .500. I know it’s tough to invest on team under a new regime, but trust me…the Golden Eagles are Jessica Alba good
FINAL SCORE: WAKE FOREST 13 BOSTON COLLEGE 27
VIRGINIA CAVALIERS (-3) @ WYOMING COWBOYS
I know the Cavs are traveling to the other end of the world for this one and needed OT to beat the Cowboys at home last year, but this is a Virginia squad returning 19 starters and a sophomore QB (Jemeel Sewell) who reminds me of the great Seneca Wallace. Sewell is legit dual threat and should look even quicker against a smallish defense that only returns five starters from '06. Speaking of returning five, the Cavs gigantic O-Line has everybody back and should be able to march up-and-down the field on Saturday. On the other side, while the Cowboys have a solid signal-caller (so. Karsten Sween) and most of their skill-positions returning, they have to replace three O-linemen and should struggle against the size and speed of the Cavs…led by the Chris Long, the son of former Oakland Raider Howie Long...like your azz knew dat!
PREDICTION: CAVALIERS 27 WYOMING 17
MISSOURI TIGERS (-5) @ ILLINOIS FIGHTING ILLINI (in St Louis)
I don’t understand why this is so low…I’m so baffled I can’t come-up with a good write-up. The Juice (Williams) is good, but the Juice ain’t that good!
PREDICTION: MISSOURI 34 ILLINOIS 20
Enjoy the Pigskin today and check back for some night action football and probably a baseball gem!