Do you feel like the Red Sox may have a little emotional letdown after the Yankees series, the comeback against the Tribe, and no longer having the desperation of a World Series drought? U should Homeboys, cause Greggy G is calling for the Rockies to win in Six! Colorado's magic-mushroom ride hasn’t stopped just cause they’ve had more days off than Steve Trachsel during the Cubs final run, and I can’t tell you enough how different the Red Sox line-up will look once they head to Rock-land. Not having Big Papi in the line-up is like having a computer and not having one of the Jessicas' (Alba/Biel/Simpson) as your screensaver. If he does play 1B, watch as his knees swell by the inning As for the individual match-ups, let’s take a look at it through the blurry and closin' eyes of yours truly!
WORLD SERIES MATCH-UPS
Yorvit Torrealba .320 1 Hr 7 Rbi
Jason Varitek .243 1 Hr 5 Rbi
The dude’s name is YORVIT and he has the anti-Red Sox goatee…u know, less hairy than those 1970s porn stars! While his only weakness behind the plate has been throwing out baserunners, it’s not like Coco Crisp or Julio Lugo ever get on base! As for Captain Varitek, blah, blah, heart-and-soul of the Red Sox, blah, blah, blah. Until the finale against the Tribe (2 doubles), he was hitting .182 in this postseason and you can’t tell me his 35-year old knees will enjoy this cold weather. BTW, have you ever seen a player do more interviews with all his catcher gear on than Varitek…I bet my grandma’s birthday check he uses those shin-guards during 4-play.
ADVANTAGE: I WANT MORE YORVIT!
Enjoy the rest Homeboys...
Todd Helton .154 0 Hr 1 Rbi
Kevin Youkilis .425 4 Hr 9 Rbi
Nobody probably needed the extra rest both mentally and physically than Helton. The law of averages would tell you he’s due after hitting .317 during the regular season (.332 career) and managing only 4 hits thru 9 playoffs games. Even with that premise, that doesn’t mean he can out slug the younger/angrier brother of Jason Varitek. In my opinion, he’s the reason the Red Sox aren’t just good…their scary. Speaking of scary, have you seen him try to field a pop-up? He reminds me of a combination of former Bear WR David Terrell looking over the wrong shoulder and the Tasmanian Devil!
ADVANTAGE: Gotta go with the Tasmanian Devil!
Kaz Matsui .310 1 Hr 8 Rbi
Dustin Pedroia .286 1 Hr 6 Rbi
Pedroia is the hottest hitter heading into the World Series batting .539 in his last 3 games with 6 runs and 5 Rbi’s. The worst part for a Rockies Zubaz wearing fan like myself is that it’s tough as hell not to root for the youngster. As for Matusi, after having a solid season (.288, 84 Runs, 32 SBs) and carrying it into the playoffs, I’m just waiting for him to return to suck-fest status. On the positive note for Matsui, even if he’s not hitting, he usually can work the count and will cause havoc once on the bases…but like I told you with Helton, I just think the law of averages is eventually going to catch-up with his azz.
ADVANTAGE: The Grady Sizemore lovable factor kid…Pedroia
Garrett Atkins .185 0 Hr 1 Rbi
Mike Lowell .333 1 Hr 11 Rbi
Do you think Theo can’t grow a goatee, but always wanted to have that tough, white-trash look so he grabbed all those guys he could? With Manny, Big Papi, & Youkilis drawing the most fear from opposing pitchers, Lowell has been the recipient of plenty of fastballs, and credit to him, has delivered almost every time in the clutch. While Garrett Atkins had a much better season (.301 25 Hr 111 Rbi), especially over the last few months, he’s been lost at the plate since the postseason started and seems to be putting more pressure on himself with each at-bat. BTW, anyone else play the game of “which one is it” when Atkins and Hawpe step to the plate. I know one’s a righty and one's a lefty, but I still always f*ck it up!
ADVANTAGE: Another Boston brunette goatee guy
Troy Tulowitzki .179 1 Hr 2 Rbi
Julio Lugo .229 0 Hr 2 Rbi
I’m calling it now BEEATCHES, TT will be the WS MVP. After an unbelievable rookie season (.291 24 Hr 99 Rbi 104 Rs), the middle-infield wizard has struggled at the plate in the postseason, but I’m guessing he’s bounces back after the lay-off and proves he’s the best young SS in the game. As for Julio Lugo, at least he hasn’t hit any females lately. An average fielder and a below-average hitter, Lugo provides Colorado one of the few breaks in the Red Sox line-up. BTW, I’m biased towards TT because every time they show a close-up of him it reminds me of all the pictures taken of me when I’m drunk.
ADVANTAGE: Definitely not Lugo
Matt Holliday .286 4 Hr 7 Rbi
Manny Ramirez .400 4 Hr 14 Rbi
Feel free to call me a fool and a drunk, but my hunch is Manny hits the skids in the World Series. The best thing for the Red Sox would have been to keep playing everyday or every other day with the roll he was on. With the drama toned down for this WS, I expect a pedestrian performance from the slugger, and the Rockies speed to take full-advantage of his outfield play. As for that most dangerous hitter in the NL, Holliday is one of the most focused guys I’ve ever seen, and like Pedroia, impossible not to root for. I’d be shocked if he didn’t bat at least .300 for the series and knock in more than 5 Rbi’s.
ADVANTAGE: Baseball’s version of a young Tom Brady…Holliday
Willy Taveras .167 0 Hr 1 Rbi
Jacoby Ellsbury .222 0 Hr 1 Rbi
Nobody benefited more from the time off than Taveras (Wait, I might have already said that for Todd Helton…how about we just call it a tie). After a ridiculous 1st half of the season, Willy struggled with an injury most of the 2nd half and only returned to line-up 4 games ago. Probably the fastest right-handed hitter out of the box in the Majors, if Taveras gets on the base, he’ll cause all kinds of trouble for the right-hand dominated Red Sox and those old knees behind the plate. As for the Ellsbury and Crisp combination, Coco has absolutely no confidence and Ellsbury is just a little too green for me…but maybe that’s because I have a little green riding on the Rockies!
ADVANTAGE: I'm going with the speed of Willy T!
Brad Hawpe .304 0 Hr 2 Rbi
J.D. Drew .306 1 Hr 9 Rbi
Hawpe may have had the best season nobody knew about (.291 29 Hr 116 Rbi), and actually impressed me more in the 1st two rounds of the playoffs by taking what the pitchers gave him, instead of swinging for the fences. As for J.D. Drew, he turned the Haters into Homeboys with one swing, and was actually having a better postseason before that then he was given credit for. J.D. also has the advantage of having faced many of the Rockies starters during his National League tour-of-duty, and may have the confidence back he needs to remind of us of why GMs always give him a ton of money! In all honesty, the performance of these two batters in the 6th hole could determined who’s wearing the swimming goggles in the locker-room celebration.
ADVANTAGE: Drew will start-out on fire, only to pull a muscle we’ve never heard of to miss the final two games of the WS…Hawpe by default!
Ryan Spilborghs/Corey Sullivan/Seth Smith...it doesn't matter
David Ortiz .387 3 Hr 6 Rbi
The only reason Big Papi doesn’t have more RBIs is that nobody is pitching to him (.543 OB%). While Spilborghs and Sullivan were solid in the absence of Tavares during the year, they’re not really what you called a DH, but luckily for the Rockies, the Red Sox lineup won’t look as fierce once they head to Colorado...either Yukolis or Oritz are out.
ADVANTAGE: A rich man’s Mo Vaughn
Jeff Francis 2-0 2.13
Ubaldo Jimenez 0-0 1.59
Josh Fogg 2-0 1.13
Aaron Cook ---
Josh Beckett 3-0 1.17
Curt Shilling 2-0 3.38
Matsuzaka 1-1 5.65
Jon Lester 0-0 4.91
Only one starting pitcher has a better ERA than Josh Beckett in the playoffs…and his name is Josh M*tha F*ckin’ Fogg! I know he’s due to get shelled, but just like the White Sox in 2005, you have to like a pitching staff that has dominated throughout the postseason and coming of more rest than Priest Holmes. Of course Boston has Beckett, but after that, I have a feeling the patient hitters of the Rockies will knock around the Bloody Socked Crab-azz and Dice-K. And finally, how do you not win when you have a battery of Ubaldo & Yorvit!
Manny Corpas 1.04 5 Svs
Brian Fuentes 4.50 6 IP 10 SO
LaTroy Hawkins 0.00 3 IP
Jonathon Papelbon 0.00 6.1 IP 1 Sv
Everyone else sucks
Until Fuentes was hit hard in Game 4 of the NLCS, the lefty looked like the most dominate pitcher in post-season besides Beckett (…or Fogg…I can’t believe I just said that!). As for Corpas, he’s been ridiculously consistent with his control why LaTroy looks like a different pitcher from the last few years. Once again, the long rest for the Rockies is a huge help, especially for the over-worked Corpas and Fuentes. As for the Red Sox, besides the crazied Papelbon, they’ve looked more like the White Sox bullpen this year (Okajima 7.10 & Delcarmen 9.00) and I can’t see how they straighten things out this fast.
Have you ever seen a person who has to wear a hat all day have a better spike than Clint Hurdle? I’m not gay too often, but those salt-n-pepper tips would make my azz stop in traffic like I was watching a college student in short-shorts with the word “JUICY” on the back. As for Francona, at least he’s a pretty funny guy and always looks like he’s chewing a black gobstopper!
As for tonight, no action for me tonight, except for the fact that I’m taking the Rockies to win the Series (+180)…2 to 1 odds, I like my chances fellaz!