ATS PICKS - MLB: 116-91 - NFL: 12-11 - College Picks: 13-17
If you missed us yesterday, I’ll give you a quick synopsis of a lil’ game we’re playing this weekend…no not pin the tassel on the single-mom…It’s called tease every game (especially college) with Peyton Manning (-1) facing David “On the Carpet” Carr and Vinny “Old Balls” Testaverde. With the Patriots on fire and stealing more headlines than the Runaway Bride, the Colts are desperate to keep pace and know how important home-field will be this season. No-way they slip-up against a Dellhome’less Panthers squad, and while I fully expect them to cover 7, teased to -1 is more of a lock than finding an Asian video in my CD case wedged behind Too Short and Rappin’ 4-tay. As I told ya last night, I liked BC straight-up (+3), but the extra points (+9) made the final drive irrelevant for yours truly. Just as my favorite T-shirt says: “Trust me, I’m a bookie!”, adding +6 to every one of your plays this weekend will make those Bloodys & Screwdrivers extra special and the Colts game five times as exciting…or in my case 12 times! (If you don’t understand this teaser concept, kick yourself in the nuts and then read the previous blog)
NEBRASKA CORNHUSKERS (4-4) @ #19 TEXAS LONGHORNS (-21)
*Longhorns teased to -15 thanks to Mr. Manning
Let me get this straight, Nebraska just lost at home to Texas A&M by 22 and Oklahoma St. by 31, and now travel to face a Longhorn team that’s won on the road against Big 12 teams the last two weeks by an average of 37 ppg (if you count the Cyclones and Bears as the Big 12)…and the line is only 3 TDs in Austin? Oh wait, that’s 21 for everybody not playing The Peyton Game, and 15 for the smart ones. Cornhusker soon-to-be-fired headmaster Bill Callahan has completely lost the squad and rumor has it plenty of his players are already looking at transfer options. As for the Longhorns, after a slow start they realize they need to embarrass teams to regain some momentum with the pollsters, while QB Colt McCoy has the passing game humming like a frat-boy under the covers with a Tri-Delt…hell ya!
Final Score: LONGHORNS 45 CORNHUSKERS 17
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COLORADO BUFFS (4-4) @ TEXAS TECH RED RAIDERS (6-2) (-13.5)
*Red Raiders teased to -7.5 thanks to the Horseshoes
Over the last few years, the Red Raiders have regrouped quickly coming off a loss and look more comfortable than Kobe Tai in pajamas playing at home. While Missouri put a hurtin’ on them in Columbia last week, Tech is undefeated in Labbock this year, winning by an average of 34 ppg…including a shit-kickin’ of Texas A&M by 4 tuddies. Btw, I wonder if Coach Franchione had that prediction in his newsletter? As for the Buffs, they’ve lost their only two road games by an average of 23 points, had a heartbreaking loss at home last week to Kansas, and still are getting accustomed to freshman QB/coach’s son Cody Hawkins (13 Tds, 14 Ints). Finally, after the loss to Missouri last week, TxTch headmaster Mike Leach was inundated with questions regarding the long-term success of his unique spread offense and their ability to win big games. How you think he’s going to take those criticisms…my guess is by trying to scoring 120 this week. I like the Red Raiders by a couple TDs, but I won’t mind droppin’ it down to 7 & some chump-change just for fun.
Final Score: RED RAIDERS 52 BUFFS 34
#7 WEST VIRGINIA FAST AS HELL (-6) @ RUTGERS KNIGHTS (5-2)
*WV teased to EVEN thanks to Wayne, Harrison, Clark & Co.
Rutgers, or as I call them, The Scarlet all we have is Rice, won an emotional Thursday Night battle against South Florida and need to get themselves up for another big-time battle this Saturday. While SFU is solid, they have nowhere near the speed or size on the defensive front as WV. Rutgers basically just ran Ray Rice right through the middle of the Bulls defense, while at the other end, were able to put non-stop preseason on QB Matt Grothe. Against the Mountaineers, they won’t have the same success up-front, and will need an injured Mike Teel to prove he can make a big throw under pressure…not gonna happen! Last year, Rutgers was a much better team and lost to WV, who was playing without Heisman candidate QB Pat White. No such luck this year and no such luck pulling off a straight-up upset. White, Slaton, & Co. have regrouped after a mid-season hiccup and should find the endzone more than T.T. Boy found a swimming partner at TITMAN’S POOL PARTY…volume 3!
Final Score: Fast as Hell 37 All we have is Rice 24
UTAH UTES (5-3) (-6) @ COLORADO ST. RAMS (1-6)
*Utes teased to EVEN thanks to Joseph Addddiiiiii
As I told you before the TCU game last week, take advantage of the low Utah lines since their losses came while do-everything QB Brian Johnson was on the shelf. Since he’s been back, the Utes have gone on the road and beat the Horny Frogs & Louisville Cardinals as part of a 4-game win streak. As for the Rams, legendary coach Sonny Lubick sounds like he’s calling it quits after the season, and while they won at UNLV last week, I’m guessing the relief of notchin’ their 1st win may have felt like winning the super bowl so I expect an emotional letdown this week. And of course I think Utah will roll by at least a TD, but why even risk it…David Carr is playing against Peyton Manning so why not drop the M*tha F*cker down to sea-level.
Final Score: UTES 24 RAMS 17