Inside Plays

ATS PICKS - MLB: 116-91 - NFL: 14-12 - College Picks: 16-19

Starting off the NBA season with a 14-point 1st quarter lead by Dallas is like staying-up passed your bedtime to watch Erotic Hotel on Cinemax, and you’re rewarded with a shirtless Portuguese hottie 3 seconds after the opening credits. Now maybe she wasn’t Portuguese, but she was able to make a white-boy in Mavs Zubaz smile. And tonight gets even better, a Thursday Night football lock, the NBA on TNT, and my girl’s having one of her hot single friends ova…so don’t send me a frickin’ text, I’ll be busy entertaining! As for the Krabby Kobe rumors, give’em the Afroed-Wonder Ben Wallace (money-matchin’), give’em the undersized no-defense playin’ shooter Ben Gordon, throw-in Tyrus “I’ll never be nearly as good as people think” Thomas, and top-it-off with a draft pick…that’s it, no more, no less (ok, maybe less). The Lake Show doesn’t hold the cards here Homeboys. Sure Bryant is a legit superstar, but his Russell Crow/Tyra Banks ego never plays well with teammates or fans, his preference for holdin’ white-girls down won’t make most Chicago suburban mom’s too happy, and while his window isn’t closing as fast as Britany Spears’s Hanes undergarment ads, I’m convinced he’s knees and psyche are more strained than his age indicates. If the Bulls give-up too much, especially Deng, I don’t see how Pax, Skiles, & Co. are in a better situation. With that, let’s roll into some College Football and NBA picks and pics for tonight…Dollar, Dollar Bill, Beeatches!

No time for chi-chat (except for the fact I’ve won 4 in-a-row ATS) with College Football and NBA both on the docket. What a great time of year…it’s a like throwing a party and instead of the normal crew and random dudes showing-up, your living room is full of NBA All-Star weekend groupies and drunk Sorority Sisters looking for a place to put their sleepin-bag! And finally, stop shooting me emails that my grammer sucks…I’m hung-over, my hands are greasy, and I don’t believe in proofreading. Have a weekend that would make Michael Irvin proud Homeboys and make sure to tell your ladies I luv them…Holla!

IOWA HAWKEYES (4-5) @ NORTHWESTERN WILDCATS (-1) (5-4)
The Hawkeyes (…or as I call them, U lost to the Frickin’ Cyclones!) has actually done a solid job of stopping the run lately. While they’ve only won 2 of their last 7, those two victories have come against the one-dimensional attacks of the Illini and Spartans. In contrast, against the spread offenses in the Big ‘Average’ 10 (Purdue & Illinois), Kirkfairypant’s squad has been dominated like a white girl in Colorado when a certain Laker is in town. The Hoosiers won 38-20 throwing for 322 yards/3 TDs at Kinnick, while the Boilermakers won 31-6 throwing for 316/ 2 TDs just two weeks ago. Not a good sign when traveling to the High School sandlot field in Evanston to face a Wildcat squad that has won 3 of 4, with Jr. QB C.J. Bacher averaging almost 400 ypg and 11 TDs and 4 INTs over that span. Also, star duel-threat RB Tyrell Sutton returned from injury last week and managed 91 yards on only 13 touches, and should look even sharper this week. While I know Iowa will run all over the smart-undersized NW defense, their passing came has been more atrocious than Tonya Harding’s sex-tape and I can’t see how they manage to score enough points to keep pace. Especially with the line at -1 its a gamblers dream…they don’t have to cover, they just have to win baby!

Final Score: WILDCATS 37 U LOST to the FRICKIN’ CYCLONES 31

Check out these three ATS winners from Teasin’ T-Bone…and keep reading the previous post from Greggy G, the man that tought me how cool it was to drink flavored malt liquor!!

ATS - MLB: 116-91 - NFL: 14-12 - College: 20-20 - NBA: 2-2

Another solid Saturday on the Gridiron means a nicer bottle of Vodka for yours truly this week...say bye-bye Mr. Gordon & Mr. Hawkeye, it's flavored Smirnoff time! Let's continue to roll Homeboys...

ATS - MLB: 116-91 - NFL: 14-14 - College: 20-20 - NBA: 2-2

I apologize for my dreadful performance yesterday…I never thought I’d say this about a Sunday Funday, but that extra hour was definitely filled with depression and hard alcohol. After a lil more than half the season, I’m exactly 34-34 ATS on the gridiron and feel like more of a failure than Andy Reid SHOULD feel about being a dad. But unlike the selfish coach, who should be suspended by the NFL for having numerous drugs, guns, syringes, etc. easily found by investigators in his home, let alone, should step-away simply to prove to his sons that they are more important than his career, Greg Gamble understands the mistakes he’s made and promises to utilize what he’s learned to light-shit-up in the 2nd half. Just like Heather Locklear gets hotter as the years’ pass, Greggy G gets smarter as the winds get nippier. As for the NBA, it’s early, and you know I’m a genius when it comes to professional hardwood investments. So let’s finish-up the week with some Monday Night Luv, Asia Carrera “Putting it all Behind”-style, on both the pigskin and the only round ball Tim Hardaway thinks you should play with.

ATS - MLB: 116-91 - NFL: 14-15 - College: 20-20 - NBA: 2-2

The sweetest part about the end of baseball season is how College Football takes ova the weekday nights and combines with the NBA to give an investor more options than the Hanson brothers at a Jr High dance circa '97. Tonight, we have one of the fiercest rivalries in college football since Miami (FL) and Florida International were stomping on each other like it was a street-fight…no, not Ohio St/Mich...I’m talking bout the Western Michigan/Central Michigan tilt on ESPN2. Throw-in a full docket of NBA action and some leftover happy brownies, and I’m bettin' there’s a 50% chance I’m late to work tomorrow. As for the Monday Night contest, the Ravens look like they should be playing in an old-timers game and the Steelers look to have a swagger that’s eerily similar to 2005-06…minus the Jerome Bettis over-the-top Farewell Tour. With that, here are Four Picks & Four Pics…enjoy the day BEEATCHES!

ATS - MLB: 116-91 - NFL: 14-15 - College: 20-20 - NBA: 4-3

With an “ahhh-push-it” in college football and a 2-1 evening in roundball, I didn’t make enough to head to eBay for all 30 NBA teams in classic Zubaz apparel…but did make enough if I needed tip-money for the year and my name was “No-Tippin’” Scottie Pippen. Back to the drawing-board tonight (or as I call it…the yellow-pad of sin), with another double-dose of sporting events, as well as, another double-dose of Theraflu and Citron for my sick-azz. As for the Bullies, more than any other team, they all need to be focused and confident to be successful. With the contract shiznit and Kobe rumors this preseason, the Bulls are not on the same page and look less confident then David Silver hangin’ with the upperclassmen at Beverly Hills High early-on…not to mention, their backscourt is still only taller the Bears opening-day starting QB. Everyone expects the Bulls to snap out of this, but I'm guessing it’s gonna take longer than people think. Anywho, let’s go make some paper Homeboys…time to scout out tonight’s action like a Grad Student at Keg party!

ATS - NBA: 6-4 - NFL: 14-15 - College: 20-21 - MLB: 116-91

Even as I start to regain my '06-07 NBA dominance (4 of 6 ats) and look forward to over 1,000 games where I get to match my pick with a specific swimsuit, I’m surprisingly depressed because of the Bulls early season struggles…I mean if I don’t chuckle at Eddy Curry’s “O-lay” defense or laugh at Zydrunas Ilgauskas’s mistimed cross-over, something is Rae Carruth wrong. While you’ve heard me rant how the Kobe rumors and contract negotiations hurt an already fragile team prepare for the season, what amazes me is how quickly the entire city seems to have changed their tone. Similar to the majority of the Bulls faithful, I was more willing to give-up my “Kobe Tai’s – All Tai’d Up” DVD than part with some of Paxson, Skiles, & Co’s hard-working youngsters. But after only 4 games, the mood has changed faster than Dog the Bounty Hunter’s career and the city is desperate for a change…me included. I’ve come to the realization the Bulls may be close to their ceiling as constructed, while the rest of the East has improved dramatically and have a better handle on Chicago’s “hardworking, undersized, star-less roster without a post-game” style. While it’s not irrational to like Captain Kirk and Luol more than a guy who doesn’t understand “No means No” in Colorado, it is wrong to think Hinrich & Deng are bringin' us title without some help. I know…I’ve changed my mind after a few games, but Britany’s changed her mind about marriage, hair, & taking car of her kitty and she still gets MTV gigs. I wish I was wrong fellaz, but I think the Bullies maxed out their ability last year and will struggle to find a smooth rhythm anytime some...especially with the trade rumors and unsigned contracts bouncing in their head more than silicon twins on choppy water. Now that's funny shiznit.

ATS - NBA: 6-6 – College: 21-21 - NFL: 14-15 - MLB: 116-91

After dominatin' the '06-07 NBA season and closing-out MLB 26 games ova .500, I’ll admit I wasn't prepared for a Pigskin or Hardwood start that has me lookin’ more average than Winnie Cooper (...while I understand the infatuation with the Wonder Years girl, I’m rolling with Wanda from Doogie Houser MD…u know she would’ve been into crazier shiznit!). Even though I’ve letdown some of my faithful followers and brilliant sponsors, I’m not gonna act like a team coached by Bill Callahan or Marvin Lews and just quit…I’m gonna right this yacht and turn the deck into party that would make Tommy Lee and Pamela jealous. Full slate on the Professional Ballers Circuit tonight and more college action than I got when I told chicks I was an extra on “Saved by the Bell”. 1 Teaser & 5 straight-up...Game on Homeboys, time to put the Asians and midgets to bed and go lookin’ for frickin' dolphin & caviar!

SEC/BIG 12 TEASER SPECIAL

FLORIDA GATORS (6-3) (teased to -1) @ S. CAROLINA COCKS (6-4)
KST WILDCATS (5-4) (teased to -1.5) @ NEB.CORNSUCKERS (4-6)

And it goes a lil' something like this...

I awoke this morning severely hungover and began my Saturday routine. A bottle of water and several pain killers. But this morning was different, I felt like something else had to be done to get me over the edge. So like a true degenerate I grabbed my laptop, pulled up the lines and sat on the toilet until my legs went numb. I can honestly say that I feel fantastic and it will become a staple to my morning routine, now I am just impatiently waiting for my wife to look the other way so I can slip some vodka in my lemonade. Well, on to my picks straight from the porcelain and don’t forget about Greggy G’s money locks on the previous post.

FYI, I went to a Lesbian Bar last night in my new hood…crazy, and I’ll admit I now know why using a NASCAR Flag during 4-play can be titillating. As for the yellow notepad, I know you guys aren't happy with my .500 ATS record in football, so for those of you who don't trust my late season dominance feel free to use my picks for Entertainment Purposes or cause you like tellin’ your lady: “Who’s ur favorite New Kid? Call me Joe, Call me Danny, Call me Greg Gamble Beeatch!” ...But don't say I never told you so when I go on 7-game win-streak...and that starts at noon on Sunday!

ATS – NFL: 16-16 - NBA: 7-8 - College: 22-23 - MLB: 116-91

I’ve never been so unhappy with a Bears TD then I was yesterday when small-hands Rexy threw a 59-yard bomb to Bernard Berrian. And it had nuttin’ to do with me hatin’ on the short-former Gator, and all about making sure the Bears start from scratch with the QB situation this off-season and don’t get sucked into giving Grossman another chance. Yes, he throws a nice deep-ball…we know that, and so does everybody else in the league besides the Raiders. Last year, Grossman looked great early in the year as teams didn’t realize that he couldn’t throw in the flat (or see over a Spud Webb), but by mid-season teams adjusted their coverage and quickly turned him into the biggest liability at the QB position since the invasion of the Billy Joes in the 1990s. Once the Bears’ playoff hopes are officially over, I’d rather they give Kyle Orton the keys just so we can see if he’s a capable #2 or #3. With that, congrats to the Illini for beating the cockiest program in the nation and the Bulls for making my write-up last week look more on-point than the reviews from Titty-Titty Bang-Bang as they were waxed by 30 at home against the Raptors. Way to f*ck with the youngsters’ heads this off-season Paxson! Opposed to having 1 or 2 guys in the Kobe talks, let’s put the entire roster in the rumor mill and throw-in some contract negotiations to boot...that’s what we here at Insideplays call Rae Carruth smart Johnny Pax! As for tonight, just another day of investing and drinking…what, you have something better planned?

ATS – NBA: 8-8 - NFL: 17-16 - College: 22-23 - MLB: 116-91

While I would've made a ‘lil more money taking both teams straight-up instead of teasin’ last night, no point in crying over spilled money and no point in gettin’ greedy with the NBA season just warming-up. With that, I’m jumping right into the NBA action faster than former Bull Jason Caffey jumped into bed with anybody that knew he sat at the end of an NBA bench (8 children with 7 women…Yahtzee Homeboy!). Let’s Roll

SEATTLE SONICS (0-7) @ ORLANDO MAGIC (5-2) (-9.5)
While games like this can find the home-team sleep-walking to victory without a cover, tonight’s match-up has a lil’ more drama with Rashard “Max” Lewis knowing everybody in Seattle will be watching his new-look in black & blue. Especially with the savior Kevin “I can’t play defense yet” Durant trying to replace Lewis & Jesus Shuttlesworth, you know the new Magicman will do everything he can to make sure the Sonics look terrible and that his teammates understand the underlining importance of this game...

ATS: NBA: 10-9 - NFL: 17-16 - College: 22-23 - MLB: 116-91

While I’d luv to give you details of my 2-1 performance and how I was a Wilson "MFin" Chandler tip-in away from perfection, the soap-opera that is the Knickerbockers is juicier than the backside of J. Lo in “U-Turn” and simply too bizarre to ignore. With the sexual harassment suits against Zeke & MSG in the headlines this summer, as well as, Starbury’s admission that he slept with a company intern outside a strip-club, it’s amazing things continue to spin out of control for the most embarrassing franchise in professional sports (BTW, I have to give Starbury some props…I couldn't get laid with a new pair of Sketchers and he’s knockin’ the dust wearing a $15 pair of shoes!). And I’m convinced Isiah must have pictures of GM Jim Dolan sleeping with a one-legged ostrich for the owner to keep him around after some of the worst basketball decisions since the Atlanta Hawks traded Spud Webb, let alone, after Zeke told a judge and NY it’s ok for a black man to call a black woman a “Bitch”. Fast forward to Monday, and rumors circled that Coach Thomas informed Stephon on their flight to PHX that he was going to be removed from the starting line-up. Following this, reports included punches being thrown on the plane and Starbury saying things along the lines of “He better start me! I have so much dirt on him, he’d be screwed.” Ladies & Gentelmen, I give you the new blockbuster from Spike Lee: “Bad-Contracts and Scumballs on a Plane”

Whether or not any or all of this happened, Stephon skipped the game Tuesday and flew back to the Big Apple. As my Homeboy Larry the Ova/Unda Legend text’d me yesterday: “I bet he had to wait for Southwest Airlines since he’s only making $7.49 per shoe!” As I’ve said before, the NBA is frat-tastic! Seriously, over 80% of Zeke’s moves have failed to the point that he’s either completely benched his acquisitions or bought them out of a contract that he convinced Dolan to sign! On second thought, I’m guessing it’s a picture of a male ostrich and Dolan’s wearing a Nets jersey. Anyway, back to more important matters like continuing to improve the collection of shoes my girl won’t wear and my assortment of top-shelf Malt Liquor. It’s NBA ATS Homeboys, and the Hardwood Maven is licking his chops like a groupie not on the pill staring at Jason Caffey not wearing a hat!

ATS - NBA: 11-11 NFL: 17-16 College: 22-23 MLB: 116-91

And the headlines read: “Starbury and Zeke Forgive and Forget…because Stephon has enough dirt on Isiah to make him look shadier than Al Pacino in the Devil’s Advocate!” (BTW, the Asian chick in the elevator scene is my ex…she just doesn’t know it.) Seriously, is it me or can you just see the sin coming out of Isiah’s crooked-azz eyebrows? As for Stephon, only with the Knickerbockers would he hold all the cards in this fiasco. And the biggest joke, I’m actually hearing the so-called experts talk about where Stephon could be potentially be traded…are you frickin’ kidding me! I don’t care what scenario they throw-out or how his contract can help a team land a superstar in 2009 when Kobe or RIP are available, nobody is touching this 21-million dollar a year public relations nightmare. I even heard a guy a thought was pretty bright in Greg Anthony tell me last night that Stephon is a good guy with a big heart…What! Even if he sent flowers to the intern he banged in his truck outside the strip-club or was singing & smiling outside the courthouse after his deposition of the sexual harassment trail because he was nervous…I’m gonna go with NOBODY IN THEIR RIGHT-MIND HAS A ROSTER SPOT FOR STARBURY! And what about his crazy interview he did with NBC over the summer that was so hard to follow and I almost got seasick? The only time I heard more idiotic comments was when R. Kelly proclaimed:

“I’m the Ali of today. I’m the Marvin Gaye of today. I’m the Bob Marley of today. I’m the Martin Luther King, or all the other greats that have come before us. And a lot of people are starting to realize that now.” R. Kelly

Yeah, if "Sir Piss alot" can comparing himself to a modern-day MLK…I’m the A.C. Slater, Shawn Kemp, & Joey Buttafuoco of 2007! As for Mr. Marbury, I know his charity work has been well-documented and agree with him that money makes you do stupid things, but telling the world during an interview that, "I believe in trilogy. My third eye. That's my spirit." that’s not stupid because of money my friends! But in all honesty, if I was a GM and was forced to sleep with Courtney Love if I didn’t take-on Stephon or Isiah, I’d be an investor in $15 dollar shoes and get a Starbury Tatt on my neck before I’d even allow Zeke into my Port-o-Potty. With that, we have some college football and NBA to analyze to make-up for a 1-2 night on the hardwood…How in the flying reverse cowgirl do my Warriors blow a 22-point lead and the Knicks comeback from 73-57 with 8 minutes to go and lose by 3! Oh well, it’s not like the losses mean I’m taking a Shaun Alexander…I don’t quit, I don’t take breaks, and I don’t wear underwear with dress-pants…I just tuck and roll the collared-shirt my friends!

ATS - NBA: 12-11 NFL: 17-16 College: 23-23 MLB: 116-91

Cause it’s Friday, I ain’t got no job, and I ain’t got Najah Davenport squatting in closet to do…well, except for a lil card-game and some sporting investments. Another nice night on the ATS docket for the one they call the “Grammar-Challenged Drunk-Gambler”, which also enabled me to ignore all the Barry/Me-Rod news. Bonds lied to the grand jury…no way! Me-Rod stayed with the Yankees cause no one else wanted to pay his selfish-azz…get the “Jason Caffey with anybody not on the pill” out! Because of this crap, news that New Jersey Net Darrell Armstrong will miss-up to 4 weeks with a thigh contusion is on the back-pages...now that's some BS! Screw that Darrell, I have your back…and I have (note: please hum the “12-days of Xmas” as you read this) three College picks, two hardwood gems, and partridge in a skimpy swimsuit. Enjoy the weekend Homeboys, and remember when you go to bed tonight, I’m still chillin’ with rolled-up Kings ova Aces

MISSOURI TIGERS (9-1) (-7.5) @ KANSAS ST WILDCATS(5-5)
Call it a Trap Game (or as we call it: a “Your girl says she’s out of town only to find you having Olympic sawhorse trails in your bedroom with a few stewardesses” Game) all you want with Mizzu playing the undefeated Jayhawks next week, the Widcats were just blown-out by the the Juggernauts known as the Silly Cyclones & the Omaha Cornsuckers! Moral is lower than at Benny the Bull’s late-night watering-hole after NEB scored 45-unanswered with a new QB last week, while the Tigers have watched every team in the nation look past a weak opponent to almost shove them into the National Title hunt...

By the time you read this I will be officially piss drunk in Ann Arbor passing out my jello shots like they were happy brownies to the lovely coeds and getting ready for the biggest friggin’ rivalry game of all time. So on this Saturday I have no choice but to have my money game be the one that I am attending, oh yeah, and it’s for the Rose Bowl also. BTW, I was studying the lines on Tuesday and threw all my money on the Tigers( at -7) just like my Patna’ Greggy G. So if the rivalry is too much juice for ya, rely on Chase Daniel & Mizzou, open that Old English 40 and pour out a little bit cause that touch of malt liquor will be the only thing you’ll be losin’ this fine Saturday...

For Teasin' T-Bone 'Continue Reading' , for Greggy G's Saturday magic...view previous post.

ST LOUIS RAMS (-3) @ SAN FRAN 49ERS
Have you seen the 49ers...the frickin'awful!

Final Score: RAMS 24 49ERS 10

ATS - NBA:13-12 - NFL:18-16 - College:24-25 - MLB:116-91

Watchin' the Bears for 3-hours has turned into a frickin' chore. Rex played just good enough for our coaches and GM to probably think maybe they should pay him next year (let him go), while the remaining skill-positions are far from explosive and the O-Line looks to have aged overnight. As for my weekend, I only had one big-play at the window yesterday because of too much poker on Fri & Sat (one-point cover (Rams -3 over the 49ers), I'll admit I;m starting to get that NBA tingle. For tonight, will I'd luv to play the Monday Nighter, I don’t have the balls to invest in one of the young QBs and have decided to play the NBA to feed my fix...I mean hobby

ATS - NBA: 15-12 NFL: 18-16 College: 24-25 MLB: 116-91

While some would call the weather dreadful today, after a 2-0 performance on the professional hardwood and teams like the Deng’less Bulls & Dingleberry-coached Knicks on the docket facing teams that have won 8 in-a-row combined, let’s just say the weather reminds me of the misty, heavenly-atmosphere of Amsterdam. I know it sounds like we're pickin’ on the wounded by investing against Skiles & Isiah, but just ask my buddy Dave how much fun it is knockin’ the dust off a single-mom on crutches. Let’s make it happen Homeboys and roll into Thanksgiving with some diamond incrusted-bling to use as a cranberry-sauce holder…man, do I love this ATS game!

With Captain Kirk and Noce guarding these two tonight, what you think the ova/unda is on when they'll both in foul trouble...5 minutes!?

CHICAGO BULLS (2-7) @ DENVER NUGGETS (7-3) (-8)
Nobody is hotter than the Nuggets right now…well, maybe that chick always wearing the tight-FLST gear, but with 6 Ws in-a-row by an average of 17 ppg, I’ll just say that George Karl’s corn-rolled heroes are not that for behind that Seminole-azz...(continue reading beeatches!)

ATS - NBA: 17-13 NFL: 18-16 College: 24-25 MLB: 116-91

With family members filling the Greg Gamble estate on both Hump Day & Turkey Day, it looks like I’ll be spending plenty of time in the garage or watching the games pretending that the score doesn’t really matter. And thanks to the NBA this week (4-1 ats), at least I can splurge for some Alize & Cristal for my garage-trips and business transactions. What an easy night, Scottie Skiles had the sourpuss scowl going early…which meant a Nugget cover by halftime, while Isiah was still tryin’ to convince Curry to jump & Starbury to play defense…even though they know he’s days away from the axe. Lucky for you, a found a few more plays on the NBA docket easier than Pamela on the rebound, while also giving you some Turkey Day football action to make your cousin’s drunk mumblings all the more interesting. Have a great Thanksgiving Homeboys, and make sure to give your Grandma a huge hug from Mr. Gamble… and someone please text me later and remind me to hide my “Greggy G’s Camping Shiznit” box in the guest bedroom.

GREEN BAY PACKERS @ DETROIT LIONS (+4)
Everybody chirping this week thinks the Pack are gonna roll like Heather Graham (nuttin’ smoother than Roller Girl) and the Lions are quickly moving out of the playoff picture. As for yours truly, I’ve found more hidden gems then ‘Indiana Jones in the Temple of Poon’ regarding a home-dog investment to start-off your Turkey Day:

ATS - NBA: 18-15 NFL: 18-18 College: 24-25 MLB: 116-91

I can tell you what I’m not thankful for…no late night NBA action yesterday to play catch-up with! Oh well, another day, another dollar hopefully in my pocket. NBA & College Pigskin for ya today Homeboys…enjoy the leftovers and the family cars finally rolling out of town!

I hope all of you had a great thanksgiving this year, and more importantly I hope you found a way to throw some cabbage down while the family was waddling thru the food line for the third time. I am thankful for many things this year….1) booze(or anything that takes me away from reality Smokey), 2)Greggy G’s ex-girlfriends photos, and 3) Greggy G getting’ in the groove with NBA ATS tilts. If you haven’t learned the secret yet, you simply shut your brain off and place an equal amount of monopoly money on each game that Greggy G picks, this will land you with more lettuce to throw down on your own lame picks and keep the spouse from seeing a bunch of withdrawals from your bank account. So get on the bus, grab your favorite flavored malt liquor and get reading cuz like my homey Ice Cube says ‘Today is a Good Day’!

Despite the rumors...I'm not dead or Vinny Testaverde'ade (aka questionable). I'm just waitin' for the alarm to sound so I can make a bloody and bet against...

ATS - NBA: 19-16 NFL: 19-18 College: 24-26 MLB: 116-91

What is it with cocky NFL coaches…do they really think if they don’t kick-it to a superstar the whole league with look at them like their pussywillows. Seriously, there’s no other explanation for Shanahan kicking to Devin Hester than having a god-complex. And how about Todd Sauerbrun’s lame-azz attempt to tackle Hester both times? I’m not saying he was tanking, but let’s just say if it turns out he pulled a Tim Donaghy…I wouldn’t be surprised. Yeah, the same guy who game to Bears’s camp as a rookie and cut his sleeves to show-off his tat, and earlier this week, talked trash about how they were going to kick to the most dangerous-man since Rae Carruth cause they weren’t gonna act like chicken-shits…and then proceeded to lay-down like a white-girl in the presence of His Airness on both returns. And finally, how embarrassing can things get for the Bulls? While local-scribes and national-experts have been telling you things will get better, yours truly has been telling you they’ll suck all-year. Watching them lose to a team with a basketball IQ that would make Tyrus Thomas look like John Stockton has to make Paxson, Skiles, & Co. look in the mirror for blame. It was almost comical watching Eddy Curry & Zach Randolph get position underneath the basket every possession and pivot as if their were playing against my old-Church league team (BTW, I was 2nd-team all defense my rookie season). What a Monday! Not touching the football game tonight, but I do have a few NBA gems to keep you satisfied like T.T. Boy on a film-set!

ATS - NBA: 20-17 NFL: 19-18 College FB: 24-26 MLB: 116-91

Bogut's always had the passion, and now he's addin' the skill!

Who would have thought we’d be a week from December and saying that a tilt with the Atlanta Hawks was a must win scenario? Let’s just say I’m a lil nervous with the 6-7 Joe Johnson & 6-8 Josh Childress playing shooting guard against our hometown midgets in the backcourt. As for that Monday Night Football debacle, I guess you get what you deserve when your field already looks worse than Britney’s carpet and you proceed to abuse it more than K-Fed by scheduling College & High School games all year. With that, off to my picks and pics for the hardwood. Besides the normal professional plays, I’m poppin’ my Cherry on the college action…and don’t worry, it’s not the Marist Red Foxes!

College BBall: 1-0 ATS - NBA: 20-19 ATS

But I don't want to run with Amare and the Matrix!

ATS - College BB 2-0 NFL 19-18 NBA 20-21 MLB 116-91

For some reason THIS and...

...THIS doesn't bother Cowboy fans anymore!

I know I’ve hated on the Packers more than professional athletes hate on Rainbows (and no, I’m not talking about Colt Brennan), but I still think the cheese-heads are going crumble late in the year like Briana Banks after her scene in Full O’ Spunk. Of course Mr. Favre has turned back the clock and performed better than Diane Lane in the stairwell of Unfaithful, but one of these weeks he’s gonna hit the carpet a lil too hard or start throwing to the wrong jersey again. As for tonight, the Packers D is more banged-up than Ralph Macchio after not scaling the fence faster than the sweatshirt-wearin' Kobra-Kai. Stonewall DT Johnny Jolly is out and their two biggest playmakers, KGB & Charles, are game-time decisions and showed limited mobility in practice Tuesday. Especially with the game away from Lambeau and actually playing a team that’s better than average, I can’t see how the ageless magician and their out-of-nowhere RB keep-up with the star-power in Dallas. As for the spread (-7), I’m tempted to take it straight-up, but will to tease it (-1) with the OVA (46)…and the Lightning Bolts on Sunday (teased to even against KC and their no-QB, no-RB squad, and not good at decisions-coach). As for the hardwood action, let’s just say one of my picks is going against a college team that has player named GREG GAMBLE on it! What can I say, it’s Thursday, I ain’t got no night-job, and I’m going to be drunker than Tony LaRussa trying to sing the alphabet to an officer.

ATS - NBA: 21-21 College BB: 3-1 NFL: 20-18 MLB: 116-91

Say hello to my favoirte RB Homeboys!

What can I say, 3-1 on the ATS luv train with my only loss coming at the hands of the Buffalo Bulls and their superstar G/F Greg Gamble (6 ppg, 3 reb, 2 ass) who may not have lit-up the scoreboard, but lit-up the hearts the Bulls female faithful. Not to mention, we affirmed the golden rule that you never ever bet against Greggy M*tha F*ckin’ G! And nuttin’ like teasin’ the Cowboys with a bunch plays on Sundays…that’s like rollin’ into the champagne room after one of your Homeboys graciously paid for the bubbly. I know the Cowboys covered anyway, but while some of you were nervous, I was just chillin’ with a Gin Martini (with a splash of Vodka of course). Speaking of the game last night, I had to mute the entire 2nd half because Bryant Gumbel is the worst NFL announcer I’ve ever heard! I’d rather listen to Ronnie Woo Woo & Rosie O’Donnell commentate from my living room than that stiff.

The Knicks only have one guy I'd pay to see!

As for tonight’s full docket of NBA action, I know I’m only .500, but I’m just getting warmed-up like Kobe Tai in the 1st scene of Face Invaders and my 171-127 record last year is what you’ll get if you have the stamina to make it to the final scene (what brilliant camera work!). Before I get to my picks, I do have one bit of information that’ll make you smile. As reported in the Rocky Mountain News, Nuggets problem-child J.R. Smith’s nickname he’s been dubbed by his Homeboys is “Youngrich”…when asked why he responded: “Because I’m young and rich!” I got a better one for ya J.R, how about “Overpaidpunk”…Have a great weekend fellaz, enjoy my picks today, and make sure to check in tomorrow for Teasin' T-Bone's Football Extravaganza!