ATS: NBA: 10-9 - NFL: 17-16 - College: 22-23 - MLB: 116-91
While I’d luv to give you details of my 2-1 performance and how I was a Wilson "MFin" Chandler tip-in away from perfection, the soap-opera that is the Knickerbockers is juicier than the backside of J. Lo in “U-Turn” and simply too bizarre to ignore. With the sexual harassment suits against Zeke & MSG in the headlines this summer, as well as, Starbury’s admission that he slept with a company intern outside a strip-club, it’s amazing things continue to spin out of control for the most embarrassing franchise in professional sports (BTW, I have to give Starbury some props…I couldn't get laid with a new pair of Sketchers and he’s knockin’ the dust wearing a $15 pair of shoes!). And I’m convinced Isiah must have pictures of GM Jim Dolan sleeping with a one-legged ostrich for the owner to keep him around after some of the worst basketball decisions since the Atlanta Hawks traded Spud Webb, let alone, after Zeke told a judge and NY it’s ok for a black man to call a black woman a “Bitch”. Fast forward to Monday, and rumors circled that Coach Thomas informed Stephon on their flight to PHX that he was going to be removed from the starting line-up. Following this, reports included punches being thrown on the plane and Starbury saying things along the lines of “He better start me! I have so much dirt on him, he’d be screwed.” Ladies & Gentelmen, I give you the new blockbuster from Spike Lee: “Bad-Contracts and Scumballs on a Plane”
Whether or not any or all of this happened, Stephon skipped the game Tuesday and flew back to the Big Apple. As my Homeboy Larry the Ova/Unda Legend text’d me yesterday: “I bet he had to wait for Southwest Airlines since he’s only making $7.49 per shoe!” As I’ve said before, the NBA is frat-tastic! Seriously, over 80% of Zeke’s moves have failed to the point that he’s either completely benched his acquisitions or bought them out of a contract that he convinced Dolan to sign! On second thought, I’m guessing it’s a picture of a male ostrich and Dolan’s wearing a Nets jersey. Anyway, back to more important matters like continuing to improve the collection of shoes my girl won’t wear and my assortment of top-shelf Malt Liquor. It’s NBA ATS Homeboys, and the Hardwood Maven is licking his chops like a groupie not on the pill staring at Jason Caffey not wearing a hat!
UTAH JAZZ (6-2) (-1.5) @ TORONTO RAPTORS (4-3)
I’m falling harder for this Jazz team than I did for Punky Brewster’s rebel attitude and multi-color socks. Deron Williams has worked harder than Aurora Snow did between 2001-2003 (2001 & 2003 Female Performer of the Year, 2001 & 2003 Best Three-Way Scene) and can legitimately be considered the best PG in the game (19 ppg, 10 apg, 51 fg%, 46 3pt%). Throw-in a frontcourt that can beat you a number of different ways (Boozer, AK-47, Okur, & Millsap), a confidence that resonates from last year’s playoff success, and a coach that demands perfection every night, and I think I may be trading in my Warriors Zubaz for a John Amechi jersey. I know the Raptors are solid and have a deep guard/wing rotation, but Bosh is still their only body down-low and he just doesn’t have the strength to handle Captain Carlos. In addition, Sloan can rotate AK-47 & Boozer on Bosh all night and has the bodies on the wing (Brewer, Harpring, Giricek, & AK-47 at times) to keep up with the slow-footed A. Parker, Kapono, & Delfino. Sure, the Raps have found a bouncy, well-traveled, gem with a cool name in Jamario Moon, but I don’t think that’s enough to stop one of the top teams in the West…Jazz by 4-8 points
NEW YORK KNICKS (2-4) @ LOS ANGELES CLIPPERS (4-2) (-7.5)
With more drama than a missed period on 90210, how the hell are the Knicks players gonna be ready for tonight’s contest. The short-handed Knicks (Zach Randolph & Starbury – out last night) had to run with the Suns last night and probably got to bed late with 30 messages regarding the Isiah/Stephon feud. Let alone, I can’t see how Zeke will be focused enough to coach and will be traveling to play a solid Clippers squad that has lost two in-a-row and chomping at the bit to get back on track. Not to mention, Sam Cassell has been Houston Rocket good lately and will be facing a PG combination of Nate Robinson & Mardy Collins tonight. If that doesn’t scream Merry X-Mas to investors, I don’t know what else to tell ya!...Clippers by 10-14 points and Chris Tucker (aka Smokey) announces he’ll be staring as Isiah in: “Bad Contracts and Scumballs on a Plane”.
DETROIT PISTONS (5-2) @ GOLDEN ST WARRIORS (0-5) (+3.5)
Of course I’m not serious about trading in my Warrior Zubaz because of the 0-5 start. Nellie’s boys actually played solid at home in their last contest against the Mavs and are coming off 5-days of rest. As for the older than advertised Pistons, they playing Sunday in Seattle, lost last night in Portland, and have a Friday Night nationally-televised game in Lakerland. With the Pistons bench much-weaker than the experts claim, I’m guessing GST comes-out with an even faster pace than normal and Baron Davis absolutely abuses Chauncey Billups up-n-down the floor. Oh yeah, and it’s on late so I have an accuse to stay-up late, mix-up a nice Cream Soda & Vodka concoction, and watch Skin-o-Max during halftime. (BTW, if the Warriros are down by more that 6 at halftime, you know what I’m using for a happy-towel…the MFin Zubaz!)…Warriors by 5-9 points
