ATS PICKS - MLB: 116-91 - NFL: 14-12 - College Picks: 16-19
Starting off the NBA season with a 14-point 1st quarter lead by Dallas is like staying-up passed your bedtime to watch Erotic Hotel on Cinemax, and you’re rewarded with a shirtless Portuguese hottie 3 seconds after the opening credits. Now maybe she wasn’t Portuguese, but she was able to make a white-boy in Mavs Zubaz smile. And tonight gets even better, a Thursday Night football lock, the NBA on TNT, and my girl’s having one of her hot single friends ova…so don’t send me a frickin’ text, I’ll be busy entertaining! As for the Krabby Kobe rumors, give’em the Afroed-Wonder Ben Wallace (money-matchin’), give’em the undersized no-defense playin’ shooter Ben Gordon, throw-in Tyrus “I’ll never be nearly as good as people think” Thomas, and top-it-off with a draft pick…that’s it, no more, no less (ok, maybe less). The Lake Show doesn’t hold the cards here Homeboys. Sure Bryant is a legit superstar, but his Russell Crow/Tyra Banks ego never plays well with teammates or fans, his preference for holdin’ white-girls down won’t make most Chicago suburban mom’s too happy, and while his window isn’t closing as fast as Britany Spears’s Hanes undergarment ads, I’m convinced he’s knees and psyche are more strained than his age indicates. If the Bulls give-up too much, especially Deng, I don’t see how Pax, Skiles, & Co. are in a better situation. With that, let’s roll into some College Football and NBA picks and pics for tonight…Dollar, Dollar Bill, Beeatches!
#11 VIRGINIA TECH HOKIES (6-2) (+3) at GEORGIA TECH (5-3)
I touched on this yesterday, but the Hokies defense was more impressive than Kobe Tai’s acting in Pearl Jammed. Until the final 3 minutes when they completely, and stupidly, changed their game-plan, VT absolutely dominated a veteran Boston College OL and a Heisman Trophy candidate at QB. Tonight, they face a QB named Taylor Bennet (great porn name) who's barely completed 50% of his passes and has more INTs than TDs. More importantly, the Yellow Jackets superstar RB Tashard Choice is out, as well as, back-up Sr. Rashaun Grant. While I'll never start-up a fan-club for Hokies QB Sean Glennon, he’s completed 67% of his throws the last two weeks with 3 TDs and no INTs. They also finally got the running game going with Brandon Ore and still have the best special teams in the country. To tell you the truth, I’d be more confident if the line was even. At +3, I feel like the Gamblin’ Gods are messing with me!
Final Score: HOKIES 20 YELLOW JACKETS 17
DETROIT PISTONS (-4) @ MIAMI HEAT
Just like the Mavs last night, after last year’s disappointment I think the Pistons are determined to prove they’re still one of the elite teams in the NBA…which they are, even if Rip doesn't play. While the Heat may want to think that also, without D-Wade, the Diesel aging faster than Lindsey Lohan, and a roster highlighted by Jason Williams & Ricky Davis…I’m sorry Coach L.A. Looks, it’s not gonna happen. They also lost Jason Kapono this off-season and looked awful in the preseason going 0-7 and losing by an average of 15 ppg. And trust me, the signing of Anfernee Hardaway is only worthwhile if he brings lil’ Penny with him. This is a blow-out and is a bigger gift than the one Pamela got on her famous boating vacation…Pistons by 10-14 points
THURSDAY NIGHT TEASER
DETROIT PISTONS (-1)
VIRGINIA TECH HOKIES (+9)
I luv cross-pollinatin' my teasers, it’s like watching Asia Carrera and Jenna Jameson double-team a guy you pretend is you…while enjoying a free 6-pack (FB teaser) and 4 bags of Wasabi flavored Funjuns (BB teaser)!