ATS - NBA: 12-11 NFL: 17-16 College: 23-23 MLB: 116-91
Cause it’s Friday, I ain’t got no job, and I ain’t got Najah Davenport squatting in closet to do…well, except for a lil card-game and some sporting investments. Another nice night on the ATS docket for the one they call the “Grammar-Challenged Drunk-Gambler”, which also enabled me to ignore all the Barry/Me-Rod news. Bonds lied to the grand jury…no way! Me-Rod stayed with the Yankees cause no one else wanted to pay his selfish-azz…get the “Jason Caffey with anybody not on the pill” out! Because of this crap, news that New Jersey Net Darrell Armstrong will miss-up to 4 weeks with a thigh contusion is on the back-pages...now that's some BS! Screw that Darrell, I have your back…and I have (note: please hum the “12-days of Xmas” as you read this) three College picks, two hardwood gems, and partridge in a skimpy swimsuit. Enjoy the weekend Homeboys, and remember when you go to bed tonight, I’m still chillin’ with rolled-up Kings ova Aces
MISSOURI TIGERS (9-1) (-7.5) @ KANSAS ST WILDCATS(5-5)
Call it a Trap Game (or as we call it: a “Your girl says she’s out of town only to find you having Olympic sawhorse trails in your bedroom with a few stewardesses” Game) all you want with Mizzu playing the undefeated Jayhawks next week, the Widcats were just blown-out by the the Juggernauts known as the Silly Cyclones & the Omaha Cornsuckers! Moral is lower than at Benny the Bull’s late-night watering-hole after NEB scored 45-unanswered with a new QB last week, while the Tigers have watched every team in the nation look past a weak opponent to almost shove them into the National Title hunt...
Heisman candidate QB Chase Daniel has been more efficient than Tommy Lee after a break-up (3306 yrds, 69%, 26 Tds, 9 Ints), and has a diverse group of NFL options with two dominate TEs (113 catches, 12 Tds), a ridiculous freshman WR/Scat-back (1021 yrds 11 Tds), and finally a healthy Sr. RB (160 yrds & 1 Td last week). They're also undefeated on the road this year, including an ultra-impressive 45-point win two weeks ago against Colorado, and know they need to look flawless to keep their slim-Title chances afloat like silicon twins hangin'-in the water with Greggy G. BTW, did I mention the Cats lost by a combined 53-points they last two weeks to ISU’s 1st year coach and Bill Callahan’s soon to be newly coached squad?!
Final Score: TIGERS 41 WILDCATS 24
CALIFORNIA BEARS (6-4) (-7.5) @ WASHINGTON HUSKIES (3-7)
Say hello to the two most disappointing teams in the PAC-10. After winning at Oregon…I repeat, after winning at the F*ckin’ Duck house and taking their record to 5-0, the Bears took a nose-dive that would’ve made Paris Hilton’s hotel-room escapade seem tame. Jr. QB Nate Longshore was injured against Oregon, and even though he only missed minimal time, never looked the same upon his return. Last week they lost a tough battle to USC, and once again Nate misfired on some passes that he usually makes. Lucky for him, Sr. RB Justin Forsett (1169 ryrds 13 TDs) and their two 1st day NFL Draft WRs, they’ll have an opportunity to regain their high-powered rhythm against a Husky squad that’s given up more points that anybody in the PAC-10. Ty Willingham’s “soon-to-be old”-squad is also dealing with an injury to their multi-dimensional QB threat, who even if he plays, won’t be able to use his legs to keep the Bears off-balance…and considering he’s completed less than 50% of his passes and only thrown 1 more Tuddie than Pick, I’m guessing this could be a long day for UW. BTW, think Coach Willy Will wishes he’d stayed at Stanford…I concur my degenerate friends.
Final Score: GOLDEN BEARS 45 HUSKIES 27
BOST. COLLEGE EAGLES (8-2) @ CLEMSON TIGERS (8-2)
*Clemson teased to -2.5
LOUISVILLE CARDINALS (5-5) @ SOUTH FLORIDA (7-3)
*Louisville teased to +15
After the emotional Thursday Night victory where the Eagles won at Virginia Tech (even though the were dominated for 3 quarters and 10 minutes like a Marv Albert’s teeth on a chick’s back), the magic has warn-off under their 1st-year headmaster in loses at home to FLST and at Maryland the last two weeks. For all the hype QB Matt Ryan has received, he’s barely completed 50% of his passes over his last 3 games and has just as many Tuddies as Picks. As for Clemson, in my humble-correct opinion, nobody in the country is playing better than them, and their QB should be the one gettin’ hype for a Heisman run. The Tigers have won 4 in-a-row by an average of 5 Tds, including a dominating 34-point win against Wake, while QB Cullen Harper has thrown 12 Tds, 1 Int, and completed well-over 70% of his passes over that span. Throw-in a dynamic duo at TB and some home-field cooking and this one should be easy. I’d give you more stats, but instead I’ll just give you 6 extra teaser points.
As for Louisville, they haven’t lost by double digits all-season and played awesome at West Virgina last week before losing in the last 2 minutes. SR. Brian Brohm could be the 1st QB taken in the draft (3574 yrds, 67%, 28 Tds, 9 Ints) and has a bevy (luv that word) of talent at WR…especially that senior dude named Harry! Sure South Florida is solid, but they’ve lost 2 of 3 before getting an awful Syracuse squad last week, and I just can’t see how the Cardinals SR. QB gets shown-up by the Bulls Sophomore signal-caller.
Final Score: TIGERS 34 GOLDEN EAGLES 20
Final Score: BULLS 44 CARDINALS 38
NBA ACTION is FRAT-TASTIC
UTAH JAZZ (7-2) (-1) @ CLEVELAND LEBRONS (4-5)
I’m riding the Jazz like Jesse Spano in the pool during Showgirls! The match-ups for King James & his Bag of Overprized Poop versus the disciplined Sloan’ers is all you need to look at in this one. At the point, Deron Williams will bully his way all over the floor until Damon Jones & Daniel Gibson actually wish Eric Snow was available for tonight. At the 2-spot, the Ronnie Brewer/Gordan Giricek combo is better than advertised, while Larry Hueghes (Quest.-knee) may be the worst starter in the league right now (27 min, 6 ppg, 29 fg%, 25 3pt% & 12 MILLION A FRICKIN’ YEAR!). Now of course LeBron wins the battle at the SF, but who better to shadow him than the lanky “I have the coolest wife in the world” AK-47 (fyi…the dude gets a hall-pass once a year from his lady…and not like my hall-pass where my lady lets me stay-up and watch Skin-o-Max once a year!). As for the frontcourt, we have a Cleveland favorite in Captain Carlos who will be extra-motivated in-front of a hostile crowd, while Drew Gooden is only cool because he looks like one of the guys you create on NBA Live. And finally, Big Z versus Mehmet O-“bring Z away from the paint”-kur…you really think Mike Brown’s defense is predicated on Ilgauskas hanging on the perimeter? As for the bench, the Jazz are deep and the Cavs are in deep-shit…Jazz by 6-12 points
ORLANDO MAGIC (7-2) (-3) @ NEW JERSEY NETS (4-4)
Vinsanity is out, while Dwight Howard will try to be contained by Jason/Jarron Collins, Nenad Krstic, & the rook who likes to smoke doobies. What else you need? How about the Magic have a coach that’s brilliant and looks like Ronny J the Hedgehog...Magic by 4-8 points