Before we hit-up my Gamy 4 Finals anal-y-sis, I’d like to calm the Wrigleyville Faithful regarding Alfonso’s absence the next 6 weeks. With a line-up that doesn’t have an easy out and a former starter, Reed Johnson, replacing the worst OF since Barry “My heads suddenly bigger” Bonds ended his stint as the 1st stationary OF in history, I think Sweet & Salty Lou will be more thank ok (softball-looking-southsider Greg Luzinski was exceptionally bad as well). Johnson is the definition of a baseball-grinder with a kamikaze approach in the field, and is a solid .280 hitter for his career (.342 OB%). Besides shortening Lou’s bench, I honestly don’t see how this affects more than a couple games for the Cubbies the next month & a half…besides missing the fun adventures of Soriano when it’s sunny and there’s a pop-up.
Also, I had one of my peeps at Bears Training Camp & we discussed two things that stuck out like Ronny Jeremy in a crowd:
1. After vowing not to attend, Brian “Where's Planned Parenthood” Urlacher showed up at Training Camp, which probably means he’s getting a lil more paper from da Bears. And if there’s anybody to thank, it’s Maurice “Greg Goose” Clarett, wait...I mean Ced Benson. With so much egg on their face from the Benson fiasco, da Bears can not afford another PR nightmare w/ a hold-out from Mr. Chicago Bear.
2. Have you seen their WR group…I swear half the Arena teams have a better class of pass-catchers. With headliners like Marty “slower by the day” Booker, Brandon “Alligator Arms” Llyod, and Mark “getting paid to sit in the training room was a great career choice” Bradley, do you really think Brett Favre could make these guys look good, let alone Rex “I have compromising pictures of Jerry Angelo” Grossman and Kyle “too much Drinky” Orton...yeah, this is gonna be a painful year Homeboys.
NBA FINALS GAME 4 ANAL-Y-SIS
1. If there was an ova/unda on the number of foul calls tonight, I’d invest all 264 of my Spud Webb rookie cards and my Kobe Tai’s some-what real feeling…ah, abdominal-area plastic thing that it goes UNDA. With the Donaghy controversy and the crazy home-court FT advantages so far, it’s much easier for the refs to avoid a discrepancy if the foul differential is 6 to 4.
2. Because of the Rondo’s injury, I’m taking the UNDA (191.5). I’ve never seen a team struggle more bringing ball up the court then when Cassell & House tried to replace Rojan? Even more embarrassing was the fact that the harassment was coming from Farmar & Fisher. By the time they finally initiated the offense, there was less than 10 seconds on the shot-clock for KG and Paulie to miss an open jumper. I expect more of the same problems tonight, and possibly even Paulie & Shuttlesworth being forced to bring the ball up the court. Also, the injury to Rondo means more minutes for Sam I Am Not Pretty, and he looks like a dude on a last place team in a contract year jacking-up shots. And finally, my lack of fouls called theory tonight means less freebies and more frustration.
3. While I initially called for a Celtic win in 7, I’m starting to doubt the pick. To start, the 2-3-2 format is ridiculous and completely unfair to the higher seed. Three straight seems like an eternity for a team on the road and could possibly put enormous pressure on a fragile Celtic squad that would normally feel ok heading home 2-2. In theory, winning all your home goes would actually give the lower seed the lead in a series, momentum, and add elimination game pressure for a team that should never have it.
4. As for my prediction, the Lakers will win tonight, but I might be an Ann Coulter and tease it down (-3) with the Unda (195.5). Paulie misses the home-crowd adrenaline more than anybody, and I believe the flight and only two days rest between games (they had 3 after his World Cup flopping injury), has taken a toll on the physique-challenged Jayhawk. In addition, my Homeboy KG seems rattled and lacking confidence as the Lakers dare him to shoot. Throw-in the Lakers crazy white-boys off the bench playing like Hollywood stars in LA, and by the time I finish writing this I may take the Lakers straight-up! (BTW, is there a worse finisher around the bucket than Luke Walton…he reminds me of Doug Gottlieb at the FT-line)
GREGGY G’S DAY MLB PICK
*I know my email comes out later, but that just means you need to come to IP.com sooner Homeboys!
TEXAS RANGERS (+115) @ KANSAS CITY ROYALS
As for my anal-y-sis, more picks, and friendly faces, you better click Continue Reading below…
Nobody in the Majors, even the Cubbies, has a deadlier line-up than the Rangers and their hitting everything in site right now. After years of sucking more than a cocktail waitress interviewing at a strip club, the Rangers finally have a winning vibe and I don’t think their gonna let it go. Ova their last 20 games they’ve averaged 7 runs per contest and are currently riding a 3-game win-streak. This afternoon they face righty Brian Bannister (5-6, 4.98), and while he was awesome to open the season, he’s been in a freefall ova his last 5 starts with an ERA of 7.24. As for Rangers starter Eric Hurley, the former 1st round draft pick in 2004 is a newbie making his major league debut, and while the 22-year old has struggled at times this season, he has all tools to become a star and held AAA batters to a .236 average last season. While that probably doesn’t give you too much confidence, for some reason new pitchers seem to start well in the Bigs until teams get some tape on them…Rangers win in a shootout (maybe that means take the OVA too).