What do I think ofVinny Del Negro you ask…ok, let’s see…he had a funny looking haircut back in the day, kinda reminds of Scott Baio, and has the amount of coaching experience as the entire Charles in Charge cast. What else can I say; GM Johnny Paxson is either a genius or trying to get fired!
Before I breakdown Game 3 of the NBA Finals like Derek Jeter breaks down the morale of every hot-model in the Big Apple, with the Cubbie Party Boat back in Wrigleyville let’s first take a quick look at tonight’s WGN contest.
...it sucks that she's out as well!
ATLANTA BRAVES @ CHICAGO CUBS (-150)
The Cubs currently lead the NL in basically every offensive category, and while they’ve been solid against righties ranking 2nd in batting average, they’ve been Wrigleville tube-top hot against southpaws hitting 23 points higher (.297). And tonight, you guessed it my little degenerates, their facing veteran lefty Tommy Glavine (2-2, 4.47) in their shoe-box ballpark. Especially having the day-off yesterday after a 4-3 road-trip out West, I expect the Cubs to jump out early against the contact pitcher who hasn’t pitched into the 7th in his last 5 starts. On the flipside, while Ted Lilly (5-5, 5.23) has been up-n-down all season, the lefty looked solid in his last start (7.1 innings, 2 ER, 8 SO) and will be facing the worst road team in the majors (7-21) who will be without lethal slugger Chipper Jones. Even with his historic numbers as we close-in on the midway point of the season, ATL is only sitting at .500 and in the midst of a 3-game losing streak. With Chipper out, the Braves will be relying on Mark Teixeira to represent the middle of the line-up, but unfortunately, while he’s hitting .283 with 10 dongs this season, the former Ranger has been awful against lefties (.216, 3 dongs). And finally, this game’s on WGN tonight and I always invest my emergency-fund money on a Chi-Town game that’s televised…Cubs by 3-5 runs
As the Hollywood stars pre-party with Vicodin and Caviar, I bet the Zenmaster is sitting with Mr. Bryant and giving the following speech:
“I don’t care if you have more bodies on you the Jack Nicholson at the Playboy Mansion, put your head down like an NBA groupie and get your grabby-azz to the FT line. I promise you the zebra’s cannot handle my mind games, and if you listen to my throbbing brain, you’ll be at the charity-stripe 20 times tonight.”
No questions asked, the refs will attempt to even the discrepancy, but in my opinion, that only adds to the refereeing predisposition that drives hardwood fans Courtney Love-insane. While I could go on, I rather spend my time breaking down the game and some of the prop bets tonight.
BOSTON CELTICS @ LOS ANGELES LAKERS (-9)
I know this will shock you more than Shawn Kemp wearing a hat, but while I like the Lakers to win pretty easily, -9 seems like a dangerous backend cover by the Celts and I’m not playing this straight-up (of course, I’ll probably tease it down to 5 with the unda). After a couple emotional victories in Boston, I struggle to see the same type of efficient intensity from Doc’s crew with the unique atmosphere in LA. In addition, Kobe will not settle for jumpers and knows the refs will give him the benefit of the doubt when he attacks the rim tonight. Throw in the young Laker bench that’ll look much more comfortable at home and a bearded Spaniard looking to prove he has a lil Charles Oakley in him, and I’m more confident than Scott Baio at the bar in 1990 that the Lake Show controls this contest from the onset.
PAUL PIERCE (UNDA 20.5 POINTS)
Even though Paulie’s injury was akin to a World Cup soccer flop, he’s been unbelievable in this series and is shooting an imaginable 88% from behind the arc (7-8). With that said, you have to think the travel and one less day of treatment for the somewhat out-of-shape Jaywalk will keep him from being as effective. Especially with his Boston faithful not in attendance and a chance he sits if the Lakers take a commanding lead, and I’d be surprised if he scores much more than 15 tonight…or continues to shoot like Mitch Richmond in NBA Jam from behind the arc…Pierce 14-18 points
KEVIN GARNETT (UNDA 33.5 POINTS & REBOUNDS)
While KG has been aggressive offensively to open the series, I think he’s due for one of those: “Why they hell does he keep kicking-it out to Rando”-type of games. Even in the Celtics Game 2 victory where they scored a whopping 108 points, Garnett only totaled 17 points (& 14 rebounds) and shot 37% from the field. And usually...(better Continue Reading Homeboys)
And usually, when he takes more shots than anybody on his team and shoots a low % the game prior, Mr. Unselfish is usually much more passive the following game. Throw-in a similar scenario to Paulie’s if the Lakers start to roll in the 2nd half, and I’d expect Doc to rest his superstar early…KG totals 25-29 points and rebounds
CHICAGO WHITE SOX (-120) @ DETROIT TIGERS
Of course I’m probably gonna be the dumb-azz that finally plays the White Sox at the end of their losing streak, but tonight lines-up too perfectly to ignore. Ozzie’s boys had a comeback day-game victory yesterday, which makes the trip to Detroit much easier, while the Tigers were embarrassed at home in 4-hour, rain-delayed, night-game loss to the Indians. On the mound for tonight’s match, fountain-of-youth finder Jose “I’m finally over my divorce from last year” Contreras (6-3, 2.76) and fountain-of-shit finder Nate Robertson (3-6, 6.03). I’ll take Contreras and the team with the hot bats…Sox by 2-4 runs