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MLB ALL-STAR GAME ATS SPECIAL

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Lucky for Matt, his Dad has informed us of his innocence

Before breaking down the MLB All-Star Game, I need to issue a heartfelt apology to Jaguars WR Matt Jones for my crass comments regarding his arrest after cops found nose-candy and the whacky-weed in a car he was in. On Monday, Matt Jones father cleared his son’s name with the following comments:

“We want to make it clear that Matt was not in possession of any drugs, but that there were drugs in the vehicle and were located in the closest proximity to Matt. He does not claim any responsibility for the drugs.”

I feel worse than I did after months of bashing OJ and finding out he really didn’t do it. I can't believe I just assumed the 6-6 former Arkansas QB was part of this drug party. Even though they were in a parked car with a credit card dicing the shiznit up like Julia Child, it turns out the young Jones was merely an innocent bystander.

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Similar to Jones, my buddy was busted by his girl w/ a street-walker in his bed...and it turned out she was just tired

About a year ago, my Homeboy Davey was falsely accused of sleeping with a hooker by his girlfriend. The poor guy even acknowledged the hooker was naked, in close proximity to him, and he was aware he was holding a horse-whip and a Ramen seasoning packet...but for some reason she didn't believe his statement: “I understand what this looks like, but I cannot claim any responsibility for this hooker!” Maybe after reading about Mr. Jones, Davey’s lovely lady might come running back!

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You boys ready to sit back & enjoy my All-Star breakdown?

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Just cause you don't know some of the NL faces doesn't mean they can't handle round objects!

NATIONAL LEAGUE (+135) @ AMERICAN LEAGUE
To start, I’d take starting pitchers Brandon Webb, Ben Sheets, Dan Haren, & Tim Lincecum over just about every single AL rotation hurler. While Terry Francona does have some ridiculous late inning relief options, opening the game with four Aces gives Clint Hurdle the advantage with the pitching staffs. With that being said, let’s see how the batting orders match-up:

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While these are partially-covered, Hanley Ramirez covers the whole plate!

BATTING LEADOFF...
SS Hanley Ramirez, FLA vs RF Ichiro Suzuki, SEA
While everybody who knows me is aware of my Asian bias, Ramirez might be the best young prospect in the game (.311 23 HR 23 SB) and surprisingly has more walks than 10-year older Ichiro.

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Some of Jeter's dating & All-Star selections are based on reputation...but damn I'd like that reputation!

2B Chase Utley, PHI vs SS Derek Jeter, NYY
While Utley is having an MVP-type season, if Derek’s last name wasn’t Jeter (.284 5 HR) he wouldn’t be playing in this game…or knocking the dust off every supermodel in the city

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After all the hype from yesterday, Hamilton might head to the showers early tonight!

1B Lance Berkman, HOU vs CF Josh Hamilton, TEX
For all the jaw-dropping numbers Mr. Hamilton has put up Berkman has more HRs, bats 37 points higher, has an OB% 76 points, and never was a druggie (I know that’s harsh, but I’m gonna vomit if I hear anymore about his amazing story).

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I can see why Alex, and this horse, might get distracted

DH Albert Pujols, STL vs 3B Alex Rodriguez, NYY
While most diamond gurus claim A-Rod-in-Madonna is the best hitter in baseball, their wrong. Nobody controls the plate like Albert, while he’s twice as lethal in the clutch.

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I luv Manny, but I'll take the more focused cat every time!

3B Chipper Jones, ATL vs LF Manny Ramirez, BOS
Chipper’s the 1st half NL MVP and will be looking to showcase his abilities on a national stage. As for Manny, he usually spends the All-Star game pulling pranks & hoping the ball doesn’t find him in the OF.

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After dropping to his knees last year, Bradley has recovered and been lethal this season

RF Matt Holliday, COL vs DH Milton Bradley, TEX
Even though you could argue Holliday has better numbers, Bradley’s recovery from a knee injury and an image of selfishness is awfully inspiring…and I bet he adds to the story with a solid All-Star game.

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Just like our friend, Youkilis always plays like there's a spider in his pants

LF Ryan Braun, MIL vs 1B Kevin Youkilis, BOS
While Youkilis’s intense play has sparked the Red Sox, don’t you see the All-Star game as a better setting for the always happy Brewer? Also, Kevin just had an x-ray on his tricep & shouldn’t even be playing.

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While I think Asian's are sweet, this isn't about me...

CF Kosuke Fukudome, CHC vs C Joe Mauer, MIN
Surprise, surprise…I picked a White one over an Asian again. I guarantee that wouldn’t be my selection if we were at the strip club.

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There's no reason why I picked this picture

C Geovany Soto, CHC vs 2B Dustin Pedroia, BOS
Who cares…I’ve already put my money on the NL and I don’t think little Dusty can make that much a difference.

What else can a I say friends, I think the NL has the better staff, a more dangerous line-up, and their giving me 35 extra bucks to head to the bar with on Hump Day. Seems easy enough for me!

Posted by Greg Gamble on July 15, 2008 1:18 PM |


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This page contains a single article from July 15, 2008 1:18 PM.

The previous days article was Handicapping the HR Derby...by Greggy G.

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