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Chicago Bears Preseason Opener Prediction

Hey look, the Bears top two Fantasy guys!

As the gridiron season opens, everybody knows the defensive is always a few steps ahead of the offensive. And in the Bears & Chiefs case, were talking Manute Bol to Bridget the Midget steps.


Without question, nobody in the NFL has a worse collection of skill-position players than Lovie, and nothing made it worse then when journalists asked him about Brett Favre or any other qualified QB and he responded in his southern-twang: “We have two QBs”


If you asked Lovie, “What do think of Jessic Alba’s cheeks?” he’d respond: “I have two azz cheeks”. Listen, you know my feelings on Favre and my prediction he’ll return to the extremely average and turnover happy QB of ’05 and ’06, but how could an entire organization actually believe this guy:

Or this guy…

Is somehow going to lead us to the promise land?

As for our WRs, Marty “I used to be good” Booker, Brandon “I’ve never been good” Lloyd, & Devin “I got paid like a WR cause our WRs are no good” Hester would struggle to find starting gigs in NFL Europe.

On the bright side, at least we have a nice tight end!

As for the running game, let’s just say Larry Johnson would struggle to find running room behind a right-side on the decline & left-side that’ll need the aging Olin Kreutz to help out rookie Chris Williams and the permanent rookie-skills of Terrance Metcalf, let alone a rook from Conference USA, a midget from Northern Illinois, & Whoopi Goldberg’s little bro. As for the Chiefs, take your pick on which one of these guys:


BRODIE CROYLE will be working for Craig Krenzel’s Molecular Genetics Firm by 2010

While Larry Johnson is a stud and will look better this season, don’t expect Herm Edwards to risk having him in the training room by opening day and to limit his touches the entire pre-season. Same thing with Tony Gonzalez

another nice tight end, leavin' Dwayne Bowe as the only talent that could burn the Bears 2night. Seriously, have you seen KCs list of WRs behind Bowe? Devard Darling, Jeff Webb, Will Franklin, & Andre Rison. Hey Herm, if Andre Rison’s house isn’t on fire or Tamarick Vanover isn’t financing Bam Morris’s glaucoma research, give’em a shout!

I wonder if that was from Bam Bam's stash?

On the defensive side, both squads improve greatly from last year simply because of their health, while KC has stockpiled some talented youngsters over the last few years and Chicago’s LB will be pumped with the home-crowd tonight (you know, trying to impress those groupies looking for some Linebacker swimmers).

As for a final score and a couple more hotties…

Guessing this game will be a bore, I might spend my energy trying to convince my girl my name is Johnny Moxon!

As for a final score, I predict Robbie G. & Nick Novak have a kick-off as...
the Chiefs rally to beat the Bears 9 to 6.

BTW, I'm going to miss Adam Archuleta this season. Even if he wasn't that good, at least they always showed a few good shots of his wife!

By the way...stay tuned fellas...Money Mike and the Daily Rant will be back soon!

Posted by Greg Gamble on August 7, 2008 12:53 PM |


This page contains a single article from August 7, 2008 12:53 PM.

The previous days article was ATS Picks, Lovely Ladies, & Sports Banter.

The next days article was Home of the ATS Diamond Guru & Earl Luv.

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