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NFL Fantasy Sleepers and MLB ATS

While he'd look like a Beast in any uniform, Hasselbeck needs the former Seminole QB more than most!

Before I hit you with my Fantasy Sleepers (and no I’m not talking about the Woman’s Gymanstics team or James Blake’s GIRLFRIEND), with Anquan Boldin desperately wanting out of Arizona, Mike Holmgren should be begging management like a stripper begs an NFL-star not to wear a hat to fill his vacant WR-spot opposite Nate Burleson with the chiseled Cardinal (Ingram-inj, Branch-inj, Hackett-Panthers). I know Seneca Wallace can do it all, and selfishly I want the Bears to grab the most underappreciated WR in the game (the fastest player to 400 catches ever!), but tell me how the Seahawks owner doesn’t appease the oversized-mustached man in his final year on the sideline?


Just like Esquire's SEXIEST WOMAN of 2005 looks even better in 2008...

Palmer led the league in TDs in 2005 & will be filthy in '08

CARSON PALMER QB rank: 7TH – Overall rank: 66TH
GREG GAMBLE QB rank: 5TH – Overall rank: 39TH

While Carson’s had more drama with his WRs than Charlie Sheen after his lady catches him snorting coke off a relaxation therapist, the trio of Ocho Cinco, Henry, & HoushmanHasselhoff have basically been with him from the get-go. Throw-in a pass-catching TE for the first time in his career in Ben Utecht, and I expect Palmer to come close to duplicating his 32 tuddies and 68-comp% from 2005. While the yards may be a little down because the rushing attack should be lethal, more red-zone opportunities will result in more groupies jumping on your fantasy bandwagon if you grab him. For some reason, many gurus have Matt Hasselbeck and his missing band of WRs and Big Ben and his Steeler rushing attack ahead of the former USC Trojan…and that’s plain silly.

Just like your mom wouldn't like your wife wearing this wedding dress, just because Chris Henry shouldn't date your daughter doesn't mean he can't help your team!

BTW, nothing makes me laugh harder than media and righteous bitches screaming about character issues…their not porking your sister (well, probably not) and simply need to perform on Sunday Funday for you fools! While Chris Henry will never tap his full-potential (I honestly believe if he trained as hard as he partied he’d be a Hall of Famer) and will be suspended the first four game, the dude is a ridiculous deep threat and an absolute monster in the red-zone.

Just because people were hatin' on Britney for lip synching...

Doesn't mean you should drop Maroney in your rankings because he looks like one of the dudes from Milli Vanilli!

LAURENCE MARONEY RB rank: 19TH – Overall rank: 27th
GREG GAMBLE RB rank: 11th – Overall rank:17th

While the fantasy guru’s seem afraid of Maroney’s injury woes the last two years, considering he’s getting closer to a payday extension, I bet we see Golden Gopher-quality from the shifty back. In addition, while the Pats threw the pill around like they were at a Sebastian Janikowski party, after watching them piss down their leg in the Super Bowl because of the pressure up front, I expect the hoodie-sweatshirted-genius to get back to a more balanced attack. Sure Mr. Gisele Bundchen will still be marching the team down the field through the air with regularity, which also means more red-zone touches for LoMo (yeah, a made that sh*t up). As for talk Lamont Jordan and Sammy Morris will steal some of his touches, I’ve had both on my fantasy teams for brief stints in the past...and that means I sucked.

Just like FOX became the sexiest star after only a year...

Calvin Johnson will be a superstar in his 2nd year!

(In addition to Calvin, check out my piece on NATE BURLESON)
CALVIN JOHNSON WR rank: 25th – Overall rank: 65th
GREG GAMBLE WR rank: 16th – Overall rank: 45th

Hi, my name is Calvin. I’m 6-5, run a 4.3-40, jump like Spud Webb, and have hands that could handle Melanie Melons (remember her Homeboys…wonder if she’s still packing double dil-awesome-dos?). For all the chatter he struggled putting-up numbers...READ ON

Trust me, don't turn your back on Calvin cause of last year!

CALVIN JOHNSON WR rank: 25th – Overall rank: 65th
GREG GAMBLE WR rank: 16th – Overall rank: 45th

Hi, my name is Calvin and I’m 6-5, run a 4.3, jump like Spud Webb, & have hands that could handle Melanie Melons (remember her boys…wonder if she’s still packing double dil-awesome-dos?). For all the chatter he struggled putting-up numbers w/ Mike “overrated” Martz, his pass happy offense relies on quick slants and curls instead of the downfield jump-ball…Johnson’s specialty. With Roy Williams on the other side and Furrey & McDonald occupying things underneath, look for the former Yellow Jacket to have plenty of opportunities one-on-one down the sideline. Throw-in a pair of RBs (Kevin Smith/Tatum Bell) that might only find carries if on the Bears, and I expect the future Canton, OH-inductee to breakout for at least 12 TDs and 1,100 yards.

Just like Katherine, the Phillies look ready to pounce!

After all the drama and poor performances from Brett Myers the last few seasons, the former curveball-wonder has been pitching like he remembers why all the articles were written about his potential stardom (last 4 starts: 28.2 innings, 6 runs, with opponents batting .175!). I know the Philly sticks have been slumping like a 50-year-old without a happy hard-on pill, but their lineup is too stacked with power to keep quiet. And tonight, they have the luxury of facing the frickin’ Nationals and their young pitcher who’s only been able to drink legally for a little over a year and should still be in the minors (Collin Balester 2-5, 5.06). Washington has lost 11-straight, has one hitter in the line-up hitting over .270 (Jesus Flores .271), and is sporting Lastings Milledge (.261 12 HR) in the clean-up spot. What else you need BEEATCHES?…Phillies roll by 4-6 runs


And like KRISTIN KREUK above, half-Asians count too!

Posted by Greg Gamble on August 20, 2008 12:45 PM |


This page contains a single article from August 20, 2008 12:45 PM.

The previous days article was The Daily Rant by Money Mike.

The next days article was Greg Gamble's Daily ATS & Bears Preview.

Many more articles can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.

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