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ATS Pigskin & Hotness Picks for Turkey Day

GREG GAMBLE’S 2008 PIGSKIN PICKS: 53-33 ATS...62%
NFL 19-14 - NCAA 17-11 - Teasers 17-8 - Ladies 86-0

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How funny...the Tuna has the same feelings as Boobinelli's players...
GET AWAY AND DON'T YOU DARE F*CKING TALK TO ME!

TURKEY DAY TEASER MADNESS FROM GREGGY G
* Seriously Homeboys, for all the hate-mail I receive for being a so-called “Pussinator” for playing teasers (Phillip from Australia, thanks for that friendly moniker), this is not about finding luv at the Senior Prom, this is about calling upon the underclassman with a back-tat to ensure your night is enjoyable. I’ve covered 68% of my teasers this season and apologize to nobody for taking advantage of the Gambling Gods decision to allow me some free points…plus, teasers also make it much easier for me to write-up a caption for my gratuitous photos!

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Because Teasing Two is always better than One!

TENESSEE TITANS (teased to -5.5) @ DETROIT LIONS
SEATTLE SEAHAWKS @ DALLAS COWBOYS (teased to -7)
As for my the my sexy senorita Teasin' T-Bone's luv for Thanksgiving, he's all ova the TITANS/LIONS OVA 44 ...and from what he told me from his new Hummer (or maybe the ol MiniVan), DET couldn't stop a handicapped nun from rushing for 100! Throw-in a Dante led offense playing flag-football for 60 min, and he'd be shocked if they don't score 50 before u finish ur shit-azz appetizers.

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DET will be thinkin bout headin to the showers by the 2nd!

TENESSEE TITANS (teased to -5.5) @ DETROIT LIONS
Skeptics will tell you the Titans might have a letdown on a short-week after their dream of an undefeated season was destroyed by Grandpa Favre, but what I’ll tell you is the Titans, who rarely have the national spotlight, will be psyched to showcase their skills like Allie Sin in her 1st cameo w/ Peter North in the cinematic classic North Pole #53. Especially with the 21-pt spanking they received at home last week, I expect the nasty attitudes of TEN to thrive regaining their moxy against a team in absolute freefall and playing for a lame-duck coach.

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While C. Johnson & his 4.2 40-time will look even faster in-doors, LenDale has some anger built-up to do some damage!

Making matters even worse, the Lions rank dead-last in rushing defense and are a facing a lethal ground attack with an angry tailback. While rookie Chris Johnson’s ridiculous speed will look even faster on Ford Field (833 yrds, 4.5 avg), the thunder aspect of Fisher’s dual attack (LenDale White - 11 TD) was furious following Sunday’s loss after carrying the ball only once & will be psyched to rough-up the Lions. Considering the lil & old Warrick D rushed for 90 yards on only 14 carries last week, I’m predicting Johnson rushes for 120 while White chips in at least 60 as he pounds a weak D-Line late.

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While Kerry Collins was knee-deep in trouble as a youngster, he's become a leader the Titans youngsters can follow!

Early in his career you never knew if Kerry would be drinking Jack Daniels between games and inevitably put-up a stinker, but now, the Penn Stater takes nothing for granted and knows his opportunities to be a starting signal-caller in the NFL are numbered. As a result, the Titans are seeing a confident leader preparing each week like he’s Peyton Manning. And what better way to resurrect his career than in a play-action, short-passing system with tall, possession receivers that perfectly mesh with his abilities. Especially playing against a “supposed” defensive coach completely embarrassed to have the worst rush D in the league, watch the former drunk exploit a weak secondary as Rod BOOBinelli puts eight-in-the-box all day.

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Sorry to hate, but If it weren't for Randy, the Lions would never have thought about signing Dante Culpepper!

Speaking of the biggest coaching embarrassment since Marty Mornhingweg, BOOBinelli has completely lost this team and every player is screaming at their agent to get them the f*ck out of town. Especially after last week’s meltdown after leading 17-0 before losing 38-20 to the Bucs, it was apparent the inmates aren’t even trying to run the asylum…their simply waiting for their time in Detroit to expire. I could go on and tell you how idiotic it is to play an aging Canadian League-quality QB who has a worse QB-rating & comp-% than their youngsters, but why bother, I already told you about this last week.

Final Score: TITANS 30 LIONS 13
* I know this prediction makes for a Titans cover, but as mentioned, nuttin’ ruins a Thanksgiving Feast more than a backend cover…so why even risk it when you have a lil gem like this to pair it with?!
***BTW, even though my score doesn't show it, the great Teasin' T luvs the OVA in this one...and considering I'm only sober enough to research one aspect of the game, maybe you should trust him!

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My Teaser is so pretty you might as well just kick-up your feet and relax on Turkey Day!

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS @ DALLAS COWBOYS (teased -7)
Once again, those drunk-azz skeptics are around to tell you the Seahawks have battled of late, but considering they lost their last two at home in somewhat heartbreaking fashion...
TOUCH ME HERE TO KEEP READIN' & DROOLIN' HOMEBOYS

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TO's had a bigger smile than this since Romo returned!

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS @ DALLAS COWBOYS (teased -7)
Once again, those drunk-azz skeptics are around to tell you the Seahawks have battled of late, but considering they lost their last two at home in somewhat heartbreaking fashion, you & I both know that means they'll have no desire to make the long-trip on a short-week to play a rejuvenated Cowboys squad desperate for a win.

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Just like that's a shadow of a nipple (I luv MFin Boomerang), Holmgrem is a shadow of the coach he once was!

To start, the former offensive guru Mike Holmgrem cannot hit retirement soon enough and seems resigned to the fact his team sucks, while his rapidly aging signal-caller has nobody to throw to and a bad back. Marking matters worse, while the offense has looked abysmal ranking 31st in total yardage, the defense has been equally awful ranking 29th in ypg and 31st against the pass. And with TO, Roy Williams, Marion Barber & Jessica Simpson’s boy-toy mended, my guess is the boys from Seattle will be thinking more about what their return-flight or Dallas hotspots will be serving for Turkey Day.

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Don't you luv watching some with confidence!?

NFL gridiron success is based on confidence, momentum, and home-field advantage...and I probably don’t need to tell you who has the advantage come Thursday. The game plan for the Cowboys will be simple…spread things out with their 2-deep threats on the outside, scare the LBs w/ Witten down the seam, and smash Barber between the tackles against an undermanned D. And considering Seattle is banged-up and probably doesn't have too many cats on the injury report willing to play through “questionable”-status with the team going nowhere & on a short week, look for plenty of guys you’ve never heard of chasing the underrated Tashard Choice late in the game.

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Just like Federica, I luv my Homeboy Seneca, but...

While I fully expect a blowout, once again (and with the luxury of any easy Titans teaser cover), nothing would ruin my Thanksgiving more than seeing my Homeboy Seneca Wallace scrambling around for a TD as the defensive starters are hugging Jerry “Everyday is Botox Day” Jones resulting in the dreaded backend cover. Not gonna happen Homeboys…Not MFin happening to Me!

Final Score: SEAHAWKS 13 COWBOYS 34

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I agree Homeboys, I hate cranberries too! Happy Turkey Day!

Posted by Greg Gamble on November 26, 2008 1:20 PM |


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This page contains a single article from November 26, 2008 1:20 PM.

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