TEASIN’ T-BONE’S PIGSKIN RECORD
NCAA: 16-18 NFL: 11-7 Teasers 12-10
Go straight to T-Bone’s NCAA TEASERS!
While Greggy G was reliving his time spent in Ames Iowa and showing the Cyclones some luv by going with ex-clone Sage Rosenfels on Monday nights, I too was focused on Iowa talent all week. Only the talent I found was about 60 minutes straight west of Ames in a small town called Carroll.
If you haven’t heard of Lois Feldman, just do a little google search and see what pops up. This 38 year old, cougar-esque married mother of 3 decided two weeks ago that the Hawkeyes routing the Golden Gophers wasn’t exciting enough, so she found her way to the mens bathroom, grabbed a 20-something name Ross Walsh, and decided to let him have his way with her in the handicap stall(more room for position maneuvering)!!
Apparantly they were having so much fun that a crowd surrounded the stall and started cheering them on, enough cheering that it drew the attention of a security guard that had to do his duty and fight through the crowd to stop the boning escapade. What makes the story great is that both of them put up a fight with the guard because they weren’t done yet!!!
Mrs. Feldman was released to her husband while Walsh was to his girlfriend. Then Lois decided to run from her husband as they left the Metrodome…must’ve been looking for someone to finish the job that Ross Walsh started. My point with sharing this story is two-fold…I think we may have found some serious competition for a new Hawk girl and you can be confident that Teasin’ T-Bone always finds the talent, even if it isn’t sports related. Now on to my picks that will give everyone a little more cabbage to donate to the ‘Lois Feldman needs a new house’ fund!!
Cincinatti/Hawaii over 49
The Bearcats put up nearly 30 points a game against much better Big East squads, while the Rainbows luv to put up almost 30 themselves while playing on the island. While this game doesn’t have conference implications, it does have bowl implications and you know that this is gonna turn into an all out aerial attack with year end trick-er-ation. I have no idea if the Bows have the stamina to hang with the Cats, but I do know this one will score as often as Jenna Jameson’s ’95 classic Up & Cummers 17!
When I took a deeper look at the Bearcats, I found that Tony Pike has completed 63% of his passes and all the while only losing 5 interceptions all year long! In addition to that, he has two backs with over 500 yards rushing, and two receivers that are going to eclipse the 1,000 yard mark tonight. And lets not forget to mention that he has six receivers that average over 10 yards a catch, now that is what I call moving the chains fellas.
For the Bows, the key has been the return of Greg Alexander at QB, he played in the first game of the year, then made his return against Nevada in late October. Since then he has simply thrown for 10 tuddies and only 1 interception, while having a QB rating that has eclipsed 150 every game except for one. He is also mobile and put up nearly 200 yards with his own feet during that time as well. Points, points, points!!!
East Carolina @ Tulsa teased to -6.5
After the Pirates started off the year on a terror, Mr. Skip Holtz forgot to tell his team to win about 4 games the rest of the way, and today is gonna be a 5th. Here is what I luv about the Golden Hurricane today(aside from the fact that a golden hurricane has to be light years more intense than a golden shower)…not only does Tulsa put up over 600 yards a game and 50 points while playing on the turf of Chapman Stadium, the purple Pirates play horribly on the road, not even able to cover a Vegas God spread in the last 5 outings. Plus they have eleven players that are either out or wounded for this C-USA clash. Smells like a Golden Hurricane is just what T-Bone ordered!!
Mizzou vs. Oklahoma teased to -10.5
I hate to say that the Tigers are mediocre, but after their defense has severely let them down this year(24/game against ISU, KSU, and Baylor), I just don’t see how they are going to slow down a Sooner machine that has averaged over 60 points a game in their last 5 Big 12 contests. The thing is that Bradford and the Sooners put on a clinic on the offensive side of the ball, and with their defense creating more turnovers than Detroit does murders, it is a pretty simple equation to figure out that even Chase Daniel can’t keep up with the madness in this air assault. I hate to see Chase go out like this with his Big 12 career, but maybe he should’ve thought about being a Sooner!