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September 2009 Archives

September 20, 2009

NFL ATS HANDICAPPIN' FROM DA YEKER!

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While my Homeboy Yeker is making the picks today, I should tell ya I like the Ravens (+3)...and other shiznit in purple!

NFL GURU MADNESS FROM DA YEKER!

It’s the second week of the NFL season and that can only mean two things: Favre is still just planning his retirement press conference and the lines being laid in V town aren’t on their money yet. This means, it’s silly to pump up your 401k when you can rely on your +130/OVA plan to setup your Costa Rican retirement.

Here are the dice rolls I see loaded this week.
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Hi Yeker...Nice to meet ya...Win me some cash Homeboy!

HOUSTON TEXANS @ TENNESSEE TITANS (+7)
If you missed the Texans first game of season, just recall a Texans game you watched from previous years and it would be like watching the game again in slow-mo NFL Films. They couldn’t pass, couldn’t run, and couldn’t stop the explosion of the Mark “Dirty” Sanchez onto the NFL stage with a roaring 84.3 QB rating. It got so bad that fans started calling for midget hands Rex Grossman. And as a Staley mascot tattooed Bears fan, I would like to do a public service to Houston fans and let them know that no matter how bad Matt Schaub gets (I mean even multiple amputee injuries), Grossman is the answer to no question except the definition of un-athletic professional athlete. If he gets in, he’ll make you cry to have Parsley Sage Rosenmaryfels back.

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Just like Greggy G, Da Yeker luvs Chris Johnson today!

Tennessee on the other hand, while they did not win, gave a game of it to defending Super Bowl Champs Pittsburgh. They shut down the run and got after Roethlisberger, sacking him 4 times and picked him 2 times. It would have been a lot worse if Roethlisberger wasn’t a mountain of man that can take hits and still deliver the ball to his big play receiver Santonio Holmes.

As for the game at hand, Schaub stats are not good playing in the smoky mountain air (Ricky Williams maybe you should ask for a trade) only throwing for 222 total yards and 3 interceptions in the past 2 games there. Unlike Roethlisberger, Schaub is barely a hill of man. Look for Tennessee to have him on the run all day with just their front 4 and doubling down Andre Johnson at the same time. As for Tennessee, they have had an extra 3 days off to work out the kinks of their offense. Look for them to control the clock all game long by working on their run game with at least 1 big play-action pass of the game from drunken master Kerry Collins.

All in all it looks like Houston is volunteering for a slaughter at Tennessee this week.
Tennessee 27 Houston 14

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The Vikes have more options than this camera man telling these angels they're on a reality show!

MINNESOTA VIKINGS (-10) & OVA @ DETROIT LIONS
He’s old, creaky, and only got a preseason worth of throwing the ball around in a sandlot wearing Wrangler Jeans, but Favre is all that the Vikings needed to be great. Week 1 let him use his arm to turn Percy Harvin into the same phenom in the NFL as he was catching passes from “All Humanity Team” Tim Tebow. And for those that missed it, he’s backed by an RB named AP who runs faster and stronger than anyone else in the league and lives up to his fellow Minnesotan’s Jessie the Body’s quote from Predator of “I ain’t got time to bleed”. While the team, namely the D, didn’t overwhelm a mediocre Cleveland Frowns team, you could see the pieces coming together for at least one half of the NFC Championship Game.

They will be one week better now. Expect them to hit on all cylinders, and as an announcer said best last week, Jared Allen is a different player on turf. Oh, did I mention, they are playing the Lions. The Lions who let Drew “the Mole” Brees put on up 6 middle school-esqueTDs through the air. The Lions who have been winless in their last 18 games.

The net result of my plus-minus analysis of this game is as follows:
Vikings by Super Massive Numbers...Vikings 48 Lions 13

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Btw, Greggy G doesn't want u to forget to put the midgets & Asians to bed & go looking for money to play on Joe Flacco!

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And don't forget to crawl back tomorrow...Greggy G will be back!

September 21, 2009

GREGGY G'S MONDAY NIGHT ATS LUV

GREG GAMBLE'S 2009-10 PIGSKIN Picks: 1-0 ats...100%
NFL 1-0 - NCAA 0-0 - Teasers 0-0 - Lovely Ladies: 1-0
GREG GAMBLE’S 2008-09 PIGSKIN Picks: 68-44 ats...61%
NFL 28-19 - NCAA 20-15 - Teasers 20-10 - Lovely Ladies 69-0

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While he's not warm & fuzzy and definitely has a lil "jerk-face" in him, he's gonna look smoother by the week!

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And I know we got a lil lucky yesterday, but Sofa Sundays have never been so much fun in Chi-Town!

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BTW Jeffrey Reed...nice kicks yesterday...ur a frickin dork!

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I know some of you feel I've turned my back on this gridiron season, but trust me, it's just temporary Homeboys!

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (+3.5) @ MIAMI DOLPHINS
I know it would be sexier than an Olson twin wearing nothing but a thong and a nicorette patch to find a way to take the Fins tonight, but I can't find one reason. Peyton luvs Monday Night, Peyton luvs trying to prove he can win post-Dungy, and don't be fooled, Peyton doesn't care who's opposite Reggie Wayne.

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Miami struggles to cover the middle of the field...which means Dallas Clark catches two TDs and in a rout!

Not much more insight than Indy roll by double digits...
Final Score: COLTS 31 DOLPHINS 17

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And remember boys & girls, it is a school night...so get to bed early!

September 27, 2009

Sunday Funday ATS Magic from Insideplays

GREG GAMBLE'S 2009-10 PIGSKIN Picks: 2-0 ats...100%
NFL 2-0 - NCAA 0-0 - Teasers 0-0 - Lovely Ladies: 69-0
GREG GAMBLE’S 2008-09 PIGSKIN Picks: 68-44 ats...61%
NFL 28-19 - NCAA 20-15 - Teasers 20-10 - Lovely Ladies 69-0

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Someone needs 2 get dressed 2 get ready 4 some football!

GREG GAMBES SUNDAY FUNDAY LOCKS O DA DAY!

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Trust me Homeboys, Patrick Willis will be knocking Grandpa Vicodin into an early exit this afternoon!

SAN FRAN (+7) @ MINNY
Iron Mike has the boys playing w/ passion...upset alert MFers!

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I'd look frustrated too if my QB was JustMissedMyWR Russell!

DENVER BRONCOS (-2) @ OAKLAND RAIDERS
The Broncos have the mojo of "We can win without Cutler!"

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Just like today's Hawk Bear game, I see stuff busting out!

CHICAGO BEARS @ SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (OVA 37)
Seneca & Ochcocinco's former mate are gonna have a field day against the Bear corners...but so will Cutler & Forte against a banged-up D!

Final Score: BEARS 31 HAWKS 20

And now, your Sunday Special...Picks from Da Yeker!
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While u may pay attention 2 me like the girl on the right, trust me, I have da crazy shit up my sleeve 2 make u smile!

I know, I know, 1 for 3 ATS is not good enough for the Inside Plays tradition. After a round with a my favorite midget dominatrix to atone for my mistakes, I locked myself in my hovel and have survived on nothing but Stoli, stale wings, and Jim the Greek’s “Big Black Buck and Other Tales” book on audio tapes all week.

Here are the results from a week in the lab with a pen and a pad:

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS @ PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (OVA 38.5)
Alright, so much is going on in this game, I don’t know where to start. Philly will be bringing back Kibbles & Vicks. KC has not so golden boy after 1 game, Cassel, getting another week to prove he’s worth more than my favorite retro-50s player Brodie Brodie Croyle. And a lot of other nonsense. I only have one prediction for this game: crazy. You are going to see the Option, Wildcat, A-11, kitchen sink, finger cuffs, and GGBG. All in the 1st half. Sit back and root for points, degenerates. Plus, Andy Reid got a new jump suit this week. His wife said it makes him look only 3 three cheese steak big, not 4 as usual.

Final Score: CHIEFS 24 EAGLES 31

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For some reason, the Yeker has no luv for the coolest cat since my first putty-cat luv...don't hate on Seneca Mr. Yeker!

CHICAGO BEARS (-2.5) @ SEATLLE SEAHAWKS
Two and a half, 2.5, 2 1/2. That’s all the Bears are favored by in this game. A game where the Seahawks will most likely be missing their starting QB, all world LT, the back up LT, 2 LBs, and 1 CB. The injury report has 13 people on it. There are emergency rooms that see less people on a Friday night when Great White is playing a concert in town. The Bears only have 6 on the injury report and only 2 of those are probably going to be out for the game. The Seahawk offense will most likely be lead by the undersized, gremlin tattooed Seneca Wallace, who is (believe it or not) ok with an 83.0 career QB rating. But with a week line up front, look for him to be scrambling towards Bear LBs who only do one thing really well: hit scrambling QBs.

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Just wrap your arms around my Pigskin Thoughts Homies!

When I see a spread so low with so many indicators pointing the other way, it spooks me. Luckily, I’m only the seeing a ghost kind of scared and not naked Bea Arthur peeping frightened (although I love me some Golden Girls. Blanche is a freak). I know it’s tough to play in rain city w/ their 12th man flaggy flag, but, don’t over think it. Bears win easy!

Final Score: BEARS 24 SEAHAWKS 10

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You're not daydreaming Homeboy...It's just the magic at Insideplays!

About September 2009

This page contains all entries posted to Inside Plays in September 2009. They are listed from oldest to newest.

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