Sunday Funday Luv & Ladies
GREG GAMBLE'S 2009-10 PIGSKIN Picks: 5-0 ats...100%
NFL 5-0 - NCAA 0-0 - Teasers 0-0 - Lovely Ladies: 69-0
GREG GAMBLE’S 2008-09 PIGSKIN Picks: 68-44 ats...61%
NFL 28-19 - NCAA 20-15 - Teasers 20-10 - Lovely Ladies 69-0
Coach Kubiak, Matt Shaub, and the organization needs this win more than a Kardashian needs a big black semi-famous roller rod-coaster. Seriously Homeboys, this coaching staff is walking on thin ice and Kristy Alley just saw a snow drift of coconut flakes tossed w/ powdered sugar on the surface.
No need for X’s & O’s today beeatches, Andre Johnson, Mario Williams, & Steve Slaton tear it up like T.T. Boy at a backyard BBQ with happy endings in Van Nuys. As for Oakland, even though everyone on the squad knows JaMisscus Russell is beyond awful, Cable is forced to play him because Lord Sidious (aka Al ole diva Davis) doesn't know a thing about pigskin anymore. Throw-in a banged-up O-Line and a D that’s already thinking of where they can go next year (I call it “thinkin’ like Chris Bosh”), and I fully expect a win close to the number of times Winnie Cooper graced my imaginative thoughts as a youngster.
Just like the majority of Chicagoans didn’t realize Mayor Daley put the full-court press on the Olympics once he was told it was the only way to save his spot & reputation, Oakland is putting out shiznit that make it seem like they’re turning the corner...but the Raiders are the biggest joke in sports since Master P was actually given a NBA roster invite. This will be a blow-out…and no need to thank me when you head to halftime up double-digits.
Final Score: TEXANS 34 RAIDERS 10
PIGSKIN PICKS FROM DA YEKER!
After making amends to all last week, this week I plan on making you say “Amen”, because all are welcome to profit at the Holy House of Da Yeker. Sustained for a week on Stoli, Orange Crush, and 2 lbs. of beef stick, I have produced the following for your entertainment purposes only.
BALTIMORE RAVENS (+1.5) @ NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
One of the great things about living in the wonderful City of Chicago, despite wasting $100 million to come in 4th place on a bid to host a bunch of foreigners to play handball and trampoline, is that I get to see the Northeast’s tomorrow weather today. It’s like I’m all Donnie Darko sans bunny suit. Alright that’s a half truth; I only wear the bunny suit head though. Don’t hate my semi-Furry lifestyle.
Ok, ok, back to the weather. Let me tell you it’s been raining here for the past two days in constant nasty sputters. Just enough to make everything soggy, mushy, and alcoholic supportive. According to my meteorological studies, it’s supposed to be the same in Foxboro, MA for Saturday and Sunday with on and off showers throughout the game. While it won’t be monsooning during the game, it will be less than perfect conditions for NFL ball-chucking offensive football. My postulate for these conditions is the team that wins this game will be the one that runs and defends better. Now whose team is that, Joe Flacco’s or Tom Brady Bundchen’s? Let’s look at the numbers.The Ravs are the 5th best rushing team in the league averaging 158.7 yds/gm with 2 RBs averaging over 60 yds/gm. New England is 17th in the league averaging 108.0 yds/gm with their best RB Fred Taylor averaging only 58.7 yds. On top of that, the Pats best short pass catcher, Wes Welker, is Questionable for the game with an achy knee, which means even if he plays, expect him half of a step slow and no replacement for the run.
Now for the second part of the postulate, the D. The Ravs are the #1 rush D in the league and the #18 pass D. The Pats are the #10 rush D and #6 pass D with their key lich pin Vince Wilfork Questionable and their Defensive Rookie of the Year LB Jared Mayo (4 parts oil, one egg, whipped) Doubtful for the game. My sources point to Willie showing Mayo how to dig down on a buffet at Sizzler Saturday night, so no need for shoulder pads Sunday for either. While the Pats might have the better overall D, their injuries and run protection will make them worse on Sunday.
Based on all this, look for a less than photogenic game where the Ravs run well, the Ravs stop the run well, and Brady promises to name his son Reed, if Baltimore limits their picks to 3. Take the Ravs and the points.
Final Score: RAVENS 24 PATRIOTS 14
(If you’re jonesin’, play the UNDA @ 44.5 also)
NEW YORK JETS @ NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (-7)
The game of week, boys and degenerates. I know that J-E-T-S have one the best Ds in the league under the son of the progenitor of the 46 D, which makes him like the post-progenitor. I’m a Latin scholar like that. Despite their skill and pedigree, one just has to look at the injury report to realize they should just go ahead and mark this up as their 1st loss of the season. They have 3 CBs on that list, 2 definite Outs and 1 Probable with a Hami, and 2 Ss as Probable, both with leggy type owies. Who are the facing? The #1 rated QB in the league, Drew “Moley Mole” Brees, at home indoors with his full complement of receivers expected to start. Raise Vonnegut’s ghost ‘cuss I want to compare the number of bombs in this game to Dresden in 45.
Final Score: JETS 13 SAINTS 30