Inside Plays

*Greggy G’s NBA Regular Season: 146-106 ATS
*Greggy G’s NBA Playoffs: 20-18 ATS

Thankfully, the NBA is on vacation today and I won't have to watch my playoff record plummet like Mark Prior's rookie card! Also, I'm going to be pulling a Cincinnati Bengal today, as I'll be in court for most of the afternoon, and will have to keep the banter shorter than the Bulls backcourt. But don't fret young Greggy G fanatics...I've got a pick and some pics to make you smile like Tom Brady when he rolls over in the morning!

*Greggy G’s NBA Regular Season: 146-106 ATS
*Greggy G’s NBA Playoff Special: 21-18 ATS

Here’s a little Haiku for you BEEATCHES:

Cavs Coach has no clue,
Reminds Greg G. of Wayne Fontes,
While L. Hughes is poo!

While it’s tough to whine like Timmy D after predicting the game-winning opportunity for King James and easily coverin’ last night, I would’ve luved to see the Cavs pull that one out like a college-kid without money for a rubber. Listen, I’m tryin’ not to hate on the crafty veterans of Mo-Town, but if Chauncey is going to get a call every time someone brushes into him…you have to call a foul on RIP’s skinny-azz riddin’ LeBron all the way to the cup. With that said, the unequivocal bozo play of the playoffs was made by Cavs headmaster Mike Brown. IF YOU'RE DOWN WITH LESS THAN 30 SECONDS, YOU DON’T HOLD THE BALL FOR THE LAST SHOT! I’m not exaggerating when I say this, but that was the dumbest thing I’ve witnessed in professional sports since Dusty Baker claimed that the Cubs white-players struggle with so many day games because Blacks and Hispanics are better suited for warm weather! In addition, even though Mr. Brown may have turned the Cavs into a defensive juggernaut, please stop runnin’ the same iso-play for your superstar (with about as much movement from his teammates as a virgin on prom-night) every time the game is on the line. When nobody on your squad is movin’ Mickey B…that enables all 10 Detroit eyes to stay focused on LeBron. Feel free to give me a shout if you need any help for Game 3, and if you have trouble trackin’ me down just call the Chicago OTB.

*Greggy G's NBA Regular Season: 146-106 ATS
*Greggy G's NBA Playoff Record: 21-18 ATS

Is Greggy G gonna play the Sloan/Popovich UNDA for a 3rd straight? You'll have wait till later today to find out cause I have a fever for the diamond this afternoon!

*Greggy G's NBA Regular Season: 146-106 ATS
*Greggy G's NBA Playoff Record: 21-19 ATS

SEATTLE MARINERS @ KANSAS CITY AA ROYALS
I keep tellin' you the Mariners are hot Homeboys, and they now have 60 hits over their last 4 games...oh yeah, and their still playing the AA Royals...Mariners sweep series

NEW YORK METS @ FLORIDA MARLINS
I'm 6-0 BEEATCHES, so take my word for it! Mets by 2-4 runs

DETROIT TIGERS @ TAMPA BAY DEVIL RAYS (OVA 10.5)
I'm headin' to the race track fellaz...wish me luck. As for this play, the guy who pitches for TB is named CASEY and the guy on Detroit sucks. BTW, I watched the Rays hit the ball all over the place against my White Sox, while the Tigers have a stacked line-up. I luv it...winnin' money at the track and on the diamond on the same day!...Tigers/Rays 12-15 runs

I had a weekend that would have made the Cincinnati Bengals and Lindsey Lohan proud. Hit up Wrigleyville Friday, Crawfish Boil Saturday, Birthday Bash and Lakehouse trip Sunday, and the race track yesterday…oh yeah, and I went undefeated on the M*tha F*ckin’ diamond the entire time! When I was 5-0 last week, my Homeboy told me he was waiting until I lost before he took my MLB picks…looks like my boy isn’t gamblin’ until after the All-Star break! As for the professional hardwood playoffs, I finally won a Jazz/Spurs UNDA and the Cavs are getting’ a huge break with Larry “I’m more overpaid the Stuart Scott” Hughes going down with a foot injury. And what about the Ronny Mexico fiasco…how shady was that anonymous interview with the dude that said Vick was the Keyser Söze of Canine Battles. You think the Falcons wish they still had Matt Schaub holdin’ his clipboard? And Finally, I’d rather go to a Kirk Hinrich motivational speaking engagement than watch either Chicago baseball team. Our summer in Chi-town is too short to be wasting it on .500 ball-clubs, and you know A.J. Pierzynski can’t start a school-girl fight every single afternoon to keep us entertained. Take it light my degenerates and enjoy the short week…BTW, did I tell you I’M FRICKIN’ UNDEFEATED IN MLB?!

Sorry to be runnin’ late today, but I was signing autographs at K-Mart’s Outdoor Sales Center and I’m movin’ a lil’ slow after a devastating softball injury last night. Besides the disappointment of watchin’ our Smoke Daddy squad get pasted by dudes in softball pants, I also tripped over the first base line on my first Happy Gilmore at-bat of the season and my leg has swollen like Tank Johnson after a jail sentence. As reported in the Chicago Sun-Times today, during Tank’s 60 day stay in Cook County jail, the Chicago Bear purchased the following items: 162 beef sticks, 40 honey bun sweet rolls, 35 summer sausage blocks, & 35 bags of barbecue chips…Now that’s what I call the munchies!

As for my continuing dominance on the diamond, it’s really not that hard with the Royals forced to play 162 games a year. Let’s check my handy-dandy Gambler’s Anonymous baseball schedule…yep, they’re on the docket again to tonight! As for the tilt in San Antonio, I definitely think the Spurs will close-it-out with ease, but 8-9 points seems a lil’ rough for a conference finals match-up. Yeah, I think I’m sticking with the Sammy Sosa motto: “Baseball has been very very good to me!” Have a good one fellas and congrats to my Homeboy LeBron…by far the best player left on the court in the East!

*Greggy G's Regular Season: 146-106 ATS
*Greggy G's Playoff Record: 22-20 ATS

Just like my azz on the streets of Chi-town coming of the pick-n-roll, you can’t stop what you can’t catch! I hate to tell ya I told ya so and I know they need one more, but my pick of the Cavs and Spurs before the playoffs started is looking in-genius Physically, Mr. James is a man-child that can dominate every aspect of the game and he’s only frickin’ 22-years old…I haven’t seen that type of dominance since Aurora Snow burst on the scene Azz-Ploitation. Anyway, I’m off to Midway Airport and heading to Cleveland for the weekend. Congrats to my boy DG who is cashin’ in his chips and takin’ the marriage plunge this weekend. I’m honored to be standing-up, but I’d say it’s 50/50 that I show-up…I might be scalpin’ tickets to see the King baby!

*Greggy G's NBA Regular Season: 146-106 ATS
*Greggy G's NBA Playoff Record: 22-20 ATS

O.K...I promise this is the last time you'll hear me say I told ya! While I was a legend in Cleveland this weekend as many of my diehard fans couldn't believe I had traveled all the way from Chi-town for their victory celebration, I have to admit I skipped the game and actually stood-up in my Homeboy DG's wedding. Of course his lovely wife was somewhat discouraged by the groupin' of dudes around the TV set for Game 6 and the re-enactment we performed of the Zambrano/Barrett fight with her dad, we still had a blast and my only complaint is that I wish I could still party like the VH1 Behind the Music stars. To make matters worse, I got violated at the baggage check going commando, the plane ride home was a little bumby and I almost lost my lunch twice (maybe that had something to do with chuggin' a bottle of Arbor Mist in the hot-tub a few hours earlier), and I couldn't remember where I parked my car when we got back! What can I say...I never bring enough undergarments when I travel. As for today, besides counting my winnings from the Cavs series, I feel terrible and can't wait to sit on my sofa once the work-buzzer finally rings. I promise to make more sense tomorrow, but hopefully you'll still enjoy the pick and pics...Much Luv Fellas!

*Greggy G’s NBA Regular Season: 146-106 ATS
*Greggy G’s NBA Playoff Special: 22-20 ATS

Holy Shiznit! The Cubs & Sox both won last night…that’s about as likely as a day when a Cincinnati Bengal isn’t meeting with NFL commish Roger Goodell. The best thing about a 2nd straight victory for the Cubs with Sweet Lou suspended and the team chirpin’ how he’s meaner the Ronny Mexico’s top-dog is that we’re gonna start hearing how Alan Trammell needs to take over the club. In all honesty, no matter how much I luv a Pinella press conference or his sand-box fight with an umpire, I think he took this job thinking it was a perfect retirement party. As for the Southside, if the Sox don’t have a 4-run lead heading into the 9th, the bullpen is guaranteed to crap down their leg like Najah Davenport stuck in a closet. While I luv the Land of the Venezuelan Oz, I have a feeling he’ll threaten to kick GM Kenny Williams azz if he trades away half of his regulars by the deadline as we’re hearing. Sure, as a Sox fan that would suck, but could ya blame Kenny?

More importantly tonight, my softball squad The Smoke Daddy will try to find the win column for the first time this year, while I try to figure-out what concoction to mix in the cooler to rally the troops. What you thinking boyz, maybe a lil Maurice Clarett special…minus the guns?! Oh yeah, and much luv to Alfonso Soriano for givin’ me a half run cover last night…I plan to spit every two seconds, chew six pieces of gum, and swing a bat as big as Otis Wilson’s third leg in your honor tonight!

*Greggy G’s NBA Regular Season: 146-106 ATS
*Greggy G’s NBA Playoff Special: 22-20 ATS

A pretty uneventful evening of victories…1-1 with a push on the ATS diamond and another embarrassing loss on the softball field for Smoke Daddy. While we hit like Bobby Abreu in his contract year, we ran the bases like Jacque Jones with one-leg and still have trouble preventing the big 10 run inning. Considering the fact that I had 4 grenades of Mickey’s Ice and some lip-candy during the game, I have to say I was impressed with my outfield play…with the exception of a miss-timed dive that made me look Jim Edmonds on crack.

But enough about a bunch of washed-up drunks pretending to play softball, we’re a day away from the start of the Spurs ring-ceremony and the baseball gods have given me a tip on a few plays. I wish I could tell ya the Cavs can make this a series, but I’d give better odds to Roger Clemens sitting on the bench with his teammates than the LeBron’s makin’ it to game 6. Speaking of roundball, how about Mr. Durant’s inability to bench press a porn-star holding a midget once at NBA draft combine…aka 185 lbs! I know he dominated the Big 12 as a freshman, but after watchin’ Shaun Livingston struggle to find minutes his first few years and proceed to blow-out his lower half this year, I have a feeling Kevin may take a few more years to develop than people think. But enough hoop talk, there’s nuttin’ to bet on and it’s time for the baseball maven to go to work. Take it light Homeboys, and always remember to tip your dancers!

Don’t worry fellaz…I don’t expect a thank you. Back to back 3-0 nights and pictures of hotties…who needs ESPN and Dan(ika) Patrick! Thanks again for the Skybox last night Mr. Uncle Ben’s, even though you never told me it was formal party and I had M*tha F*ckin flip-flops on. Got to run, I’m late for a meeting and I smell like an ashtray…but don’t worry, I have some picks and pics for ya. Check in later today if you want some more action…I’m always better on a rebate buzz. HOLLA

I think it’s time to stop makin’ fun of the Royals with my Sox rapidly approaching the basement in the Central. At least we had a nice breeze last night, Ozzie had another hilarious press conference, Alfonso Soriano is now my favorite player to watch stride to the dish, and I found I nice concoction to go with my glaucoma medicine last night: Gordon’s Gin, generic Diet Grapefruit Soda, Lime, & a splash of my girl’s wine should didn’t finish…Now that’s the M*tha F*ckin’ Highlife! As for today, I see no reason not to enjoy the scenery around DePaul University today…gotta luv the man that invented short-shorts that have words on the back. I’m not staring ladies, I’m just reading! One more day before Timmy D and the boys put another ass-waxing on the LeBron’s and one more day for all of us to win some money on the diamond. Oh yeah, and most importantly, hopefully the Rocket gets shelled by the deadly Pirate today. Have a blast this weekend Homeboys and try not to bury too many dogs…I hear the feds don’t like it!

TORONTO BLUE JAYS @ LOS ANGELES DODGERS
Halladay is better than Schmidt...Blue Jays by 1-3 runs

While I felt worse than Courtney Love looks this weekend, the only thing positive about my Mojito flavored TheraFlu Saturday and Sunday was…NOT LOSING A FRICKIN THING BEEATCHES! What can I say; the NBA finals seem scripted right out of my Insideplay’s breakdowns and the Vegas sportsbooks have been calling my houseline before I even have my bloody mixed. Speaking of the NBA Finals, I’d rather play catch with Chuck Knobloch, clean Tank Johnson’s jail-cell toilet, or listen to Keith Olbermann talk about how cool he is than watch the Spurs methodically kick the Cavs azz. King James can only force the issue so much against the defensive-minded Spurs and just doesn’t have the help to even pull one of these games out. I know it’s probably not possible unless they pull a sign-n-trade, but what better fit would free agent Rashard Lewis be in Cleveland. While Lewis will probably be considered OVA-paid after he signs with somebody that tries to make him the #1 option, could you imagine LeBron kickin’ out to an athletic 6-10 sharpshooter like that? I’m tellin’ ya, they’d have a staple in the NBA Finals for years.

As for Chicago baseball, and this coming from a White Trash Sox fan, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the Cubs are going to win the Central. I know that’s like saying “She’s the Sluttiest Hooker!” , but with Alfonso, Aramis, & Derrek Lee knocking the ball around and five legitimate 12 game winners in the rotation…I have a feeling I’m gonna be seeing Cub fans pissing in the alleys into October. I wish I could say the same for my Southsiders, but if I were GM Kenny Williams I would start blowing this thing up like T.T. Boy after a salad bar. I don’t know if these young phenoms are any good, but I know I don’t want to see a bunch of old-dudes with bad-backs cloggin the bases just so we can beat out the AA Royals in the Central. Alright, time for the real reason you’re here…Cause it’s Monday, I ain’t got no job…and I ain’t got shiznit to do!

Coming from a diehard of the hardwood, I cannot stomach the NBA Finals. Even easily predicting the UNDA and pulling-out 1 point cover, I’d rather hear Curt Shilling bloody sock debates or watch “You’ve got Mail” than this slowdown brickfest. On a night when Timmy D & Manu combine to shoot 6-24 from the field and Bruce Bowen has to be the offensive force, you’d think King James and his awful crew could steal one at home. I’m just glad we only have one more game to watch as I’m more confident than Peter North in “Titty-Titty Bang-Bang” that the Spurs will make sure their legacy gets a lil’ sweeter with a Final sweep.

As for the diamond where I’m a in the mist of 2-game losing streak, Michael Barrett (aka P.J. Carlesimo) got into another heated argument with a pitcher and made yet another questionable play behind the plate to cost them the game…say hello to the trade deadline Mr. Barrett. As for the White Sux, at least Justin Verlander didn’t get his no-hitter against them. The Pigskin Season can’t come soon enough for us Southsiders and if I wasn’t the Gordon Gecko of the baseball market, I wouldn’t even check the sports ticker before downin’ my last cocktail. Thankfully, my Homeboys from Phoenix & Detroit are coming into town for a Divorce Party (…like that was ever going to work Dave) and a belated 30th Bash for Joey “Tech Support”. Hey Bartender, looks like I’ll need another batch of Milk Thistle! Take it light fellaz and always remember to ask for the Green Salsa...I’m sure your Torta wants to feel rich too!

After wagering on 298 NBA games the season (171-127), I found myself on the floor of my Homeboys bar last night not because I lost…but because my last memory of the season will be of Damon “Douchebags” Jones. Yeah, keep holdin’-up three fingers like you matter Damon…I just gave Rae Carruth a call and he also had the Spurs minus 3.5.

Anyway, it’s already the weekend in my hood as my college buddies came in last night and have already broke-out their cheesy-azz lines with the ladies:

While extremely cheesy, I have to say it’s pretty priceless in person…they always rock/paper/scissor for who’s the utility infielder. Anyway, I gotta roll cause I’m scalpin’ some tix for the Cubs game this afternoon…what you think, should I bet on it too? Take it light, and check-in all weekend cause you know I’ll have some stories to go along with the winners!

3-1 on the Diamond last night, while my Homeboys and I had too many Crown and Ginger Ale's at the bar...and too much Alize before bed! Nuttin' like dorky white-dudes sippin' on some Alize! I'm off to a barbaque...Enjoy the day and the pick BEEATCHES!

To sum-up the weekend of debauchery, as we partied like a Cincinnati Bengal Friday Night, it struck us that we somehow lost one of our out-of-town Homboys (Divorced Dave as he’s known in our circles) Luckily, one of the randoms who just came into the bar ova-heard our dilemma and mentioned a nice lil’ tidbit of information. As he was paying his cab-fare, someone from the bar hopped-in and told the cabbie: “Take me where the Hookers are!” While we cannot confirm or deny the results of this story, I do know our NHL ’95 Hockey tournament was postponed Sunday because our hands were just too damn shaky!

As for my weekend on the ATS diamond, I have to admit I put-up an effort that would have made Randy Moss look like a dedicated employee in Oakland. Not to mention, the White Sux made the Pirates feel like the Yankees and have proceeded to let the KC Royals tie them in the win-column. As for CubbieLand, with Aramis Ramirez already out, what the hell was Derek Lee thinking. First off, Chris Young had no intention of purposely hittin’ Derek Lee with two strikes and the score tied. Secondly, what the hell was the umpire doing calmly talking to the catcher as Lee walked towards the mound with his hand on his balls in a display of wild-kingdom macho’ness. Finally, Young is 6-10 and slower than Rex Grossman on a roll-out…how the hell do you miss that first haymaker? After watchin’ that, I’d give better odds to Ronny Mexico to completing two consecutive 6-yard outs than Derek Lee ever walking towards the mound again. Anywho, back to the weekly grind of finding some picks and pics for ya Homeboys, and hopefully, my brain will be fully functional by Tuesday morning.

My luck lately seems worse than an NFLer on a motorcycle. It appeared I’d have a profitable 2-1 ATS evening last night as I took the Tigers (minus 1.5 runs), only to watch as Detroit proceeded to blow a 9-1 lead in the 6th to barely hold-on for 1-run victory against the deadly Nats. Speaking of deadly, looks like Pac Man Jones’s crew is on the prowl again. Hey fellaz, have you hear of Barnes & Noble or Putt-Putt Golf? I’m not suggesting someone didn’t bump into ya or threaten to steal your stripper’s thong…but maybe, just maybe, you guys should lay-low for awhile. I mean when I got busted for pissing on a college campus, you didn’t see my azz grabbin’ a Big-Gulp or Beer-Bongin’ for at least 6 months.

As for today’s schedule, I have a funny feeling the ole’ Smokey Daddy Softball team is breaking into the win-column, and more importantly, Greggy G will be sippin’ on the Champagne of Beers after pullin’ MVP honors and watchin’ the sports-ticker with better results than a captain of the football team on Prom Night. Speaking of sleeping with young white-girls, the media is making it sound like Kobe Bryant has a realistic chance of becoming a Chicago Bull. Once again, I cannot fathom GM Mitch Kupchak livin’ through the departures of both Shaq and Kobe from the Hollywood Lake Show. I’m not saying I wouldn’t do it if I were Pax, Skiles, & Co. if I was able to keep some of my young pieces, but in LA, the Zenmaster needs a superstar to be a great coach and Jerry Buss needs a superstar to keep the high-rollers sitting courtside. The only team I see as a realistic option is Washington because Agent Zero/Mr. Habachi is a Cali kid who can make the turn-styles move. Once again, the Wiz would have to throw in another piece and there is no guarantee the whinny-baby in LA would even approve the move. Oh yeah, and please stop telling me there’s a chance he’ll be elbowing-defenders in the Big Apple…the Knickerbockers don’t even have anybody the Bulls would take for Ben Gordon. Gotta Roll…have a good one Homeboys and make sure to be thinking of the Smoke Daddy tonight!

Smoke Daddy Softball wins, Greggy G’s Diamond stock is on the rise, another Bengal has to talk to the cops, and Michael Barrett (a former silver slugger winner) is shipped out of town for a bag o’ balls…is America great for a self-proclaimed sports writer or what!

How about them Bengals…10 arrests in 14 months! At least we know where Pac-Man will be signing once he’s dropped by the Titans (I know Marvin, it must be racial-profiling). Speaking of the Gridiron, why is everybody hatin’ on Tommie Harris for wanting Donovan McNabb. Your tellin’ me you’d prefer a short, slow, white-guy with small-hands and a blind-spot when throwing in the flat…yeah, that makes sense. As for the Diamond and another bullpen debacle by the White Sux, what really sums up our season is the fact that Ozzie’s been DH’ing Alex Cintron and his .214 0 HR 5 RBI lumber lately. ARE YOU FRICKIN’ KIDDING ME!!! That’s like gettin’ a technical Free Throw and choosin’ Shaq to toe the line, or having your girlfriend out of town and renting “50-year-old Hairy Sluts” for entertainment. In addition, what chapped my azz more than parking backwards at the forest preserve (if you don’t know what that means…email John Amechi) was watching GM Kenny Williams on TV saying he thinks the Sux can get back in the race. Listen Kenny, Vegas odds have the Southsiders with as much a chance as ex-Packer Mark Chmura does of being a Prom Chaperone someday. And finally, as Greggy G told you last week, Michael Barrett is back to annoy Greg Maddux in San Diego. All I can say to that is…Bye-Bye BEEATCH!

Briefly, not only did Smoke Daddy win for the 1st time of the season, but we beat the two-time defending champs who have a kid that used to kick my azz in High School! While yours truly was 3-4 with 3 RBI’s, I did pull a Barry Bonds and was ridiculed by my teammates for not sliding on a play at the plate…What can I say, I’m a lot prettier than most of them. As for the Daddy’s MVP, congrats to Andy “Manny Trillo” Flossinator for some unbelievable web-gems and sliding on every play like it’s the College World Series…you the shiznit! Gotta roll Homeboyz, it’s not the 1st of the month but do I have some collecting to do! Enjoy my picks and pics!

I’m hotter than a tea-kettle my lil’ degenerates and the news keeps gettin’ better…another undefeated day investing on America’s pastime, my webmaster made a kick-azz new banner, and I found a grenade of Mickey’s Ice in salad crisper this morning…what can I say, I feel like Greg Almighty! And don’t worry Homeboys, I’ll never be like every other gambling site that charges 50 bucks and then gives half the people the Cubs and the other half the Sox…I just hand-out free Turkeys like its Thanksgiving and stuff it with pictures of hot Asians and witty comedy. Just ask my loyal reader Gator Mike in Florida what it’s like to get a check for $400 from Greggy G because he out picked me in the Inaugural Insideplays.com Football Tourney. The bigger you guys help me make this, the bigger the island I buy for us to party at! Just like my diehard fans in Garland, TX who check us out virtually everyday…either you luv booty-licious gratuitous photos or you need to send me a thank you card for the new pick-up truck I bought ya!

Alrighty then, let’s get to some sports chatter. Here are few thoughts I have going into the weekend before I hand-out some more money and hot women:

1. CUBS/SOX WEEKEND AT THE CELL
I know my fellow Southsiders will think I’m a sellout, but I hope the Cubs beat our azz this weekend. A debacle like that would ensure GM Kenny Williams will blow this garbage up. If I have to hear one more Camero driving douchebag tell me these guys won a World Series for us I’m going to pull a Rae Carruth…oh wait, Rae Rae couldn’t even do that right! Honestly, I want Garland, Buehrle, Jenks, & Iguchi (and Pablo Ozuna of course), and you can ship-out the rest for some youngsters that are from a real farm system.

2. PAXSON BETTER GET GASOL or GARNETT
GM Greggy G’s proposal: Ben Gordon, Tyrus Thomas, Nocioni (sign-n-trade), & P.J. Brown (sign-n-trade) for Kevin Garnett & Rashard McCants. If Paxson, Skiles, & Co. would rather have Gasol, they could drop one of them from the deal. Check-out this starting line-up: Ben Wallace, Kevin Garnett, Luol Deng, Kirk Hinrich, & Thabo/McCants. Listen, I understand the rational that if KG is such a star, how come he can’t even make the playoffs. You know what I think, the group of players McHale has assembled is simply a pile of garbage, as well as, the fact they’ve never given Kevin an enforcer to help him out in the paint. People don’t understand how much easier life would be for him playing alongside Big Ben…and nobody would have the balls to take the ball to the hole against us. With this deal, we also hold onto our pick so Paxson can do what he does best…add more young talent!

3. NBA DRAFT NOTES
Nothing makes me laugh more than an ESPN expert that tells us what a GM told him…HEY DORK, THEY ARE LYING TO YOU!!! Example: Everybody is saying that 7-foot Chinese phenom Yi Jianlian is dropping like a groupie on All-Star weekend. You know why, because GMs desperately want people to think they’re not interested so they can steal him. Speaking of Jianlian, you’ll see my mock draft next week and I think he’s the real M*tha F*ckin deal…no way he drops out of the top 5. As for Ohio St’s lighting quick playmaker Mike Conley, he better send Tony Parker a thank you card the second he gets picked. After watchin’ Eva’s boy dominate the postseason, it looks like the copycat league no longer is enthralled with the 6’5” post-up point guard. And finally, I’ve seen Glen Davis everywhere from the 26th pick to the second round. WRONG…Big-Baby can straight-up ball, has impressed every GM he’s worked-out for with his agility, and has been honest about his weight problem saying he was just uneducated as a youngster on eating right. Give that man a million-dollar nutritionist and he’ll average 15 ppg 8 rpg by year two. I’ll be more shocked than the chick who found Najah Davenport taking a dump her laundry basket if he drops past the 76ers at 21.

4. SEND ME AN EMAIL: GREGGAMBLE@INSIDEPLAYS.COM
My lil’ guy is sick so I’ll be cooped up in the house all weekend. Send my some picks, send me some chicks, and send me your opinions on how we can make Insideplays.com world famous! Have a great weekend Homeboys

Tough one yesterday as 3 out 4 of my teams won, but I was giving-up 1.5 runs in two of them and they both won by one. What can I say, at least you know Greggy G is human. On a positive note, my Southsiders are two-thirds of the way to givin’ Cubdom a sweep and forcing a wonderful fire-sale from Kenny Will to actually get us some young talent. For the first time all year, I think the Sux will come thru for me. Got a roll Homeboys, I’m out of Tom Collins Mix…SUNDAY FUNDAY!!!

What a Sunday Funday! My Homeboys and I closed out the weekend with 10 pitchers of Watermelon Vodka Lemonade, 5 frozen bar pizzas (that I just realize have permanently damaged the roof of my mouth), Golden ‘Gamblin’ Tee, and watching my wallet get fatter during Sunday Night baseball after doubling-up like it was Hawaii during college football season (FYI, in the gamblin’ world, Hawaii plays their home football games at midnight, which means degenerates can either double-up or play catch-up…when their drunker than Rick Sutcliffe on an off-day). And most importantly, my weekend wish came true; no…Zubaz aren’t making a comeback, the Cubs swept my White Sux! I told you BEEATCHES they’d get swept and Kenny Will would be so angry he’d trade away all the garbage and finally get some youngsters from actual productive farm systems. Of course, they one arm I want the Sux to keep, Burls, will probably be the first to be traded. BTW, moment of silence for the mulleted-wonder Rod Beck…on your lunch break, please pour out a lil’ liquor for one of the coolest closers of all-time.

As for the most exciting day in sports for yours truly, only 3 more days until the NBA draft! I know most of you hate the NBA, but I love watching Loch Ness Monster footage of prized European prospects dunking on 5’5” dudes smokin’ clove-cigarettes…followed by Dickie ‘Dumbazz’ V screaming how Bobby Hurley should be taken ova everybody from overseas (FYI, my mock NBA/swimsuit model Draft will be out Wednesday morning). As for my week, what can I say…my caviar and Alize lunch will once again be paid for by my guy and Smoke Daddy softball is lookin’ to continue an unbelievable win-streak! Let’s start the week off right boys, and remember what Tank Johnson has taught us…wait, he hasn’t taught us shiznit! Holla

Another crazy day in the wild world of sports that would’ve made an evening with Shawn Kemp in a hotel with a bottle of Viagra and Spanish fly seem tame. I was just tryin’ to finish my NBA Draft write-up and not spill my 32 oz Cocktail Pot-Pie of booze on my laptop, and proceeded to get flooded with text messages from all my inside sources: Things like…Tank’s thanking the Bears and apologizing for the distractions after his release, rumors of Garnett being shipped to LA in four-team blockbuster are met with Krabby Kobe saying he still wants out, the craziness at Wrigleyville with drunks attackin’ pitchers and 9th inning comebacks, and finally, the tragic news of what a COWARD does when taking his own life just isn’t enough. I guess the dreams of Chris Benoit’s son and wife were just not as important as his own…Enjoy the flames BEEATCH!

Tough to get on with business after that, but I’ll do my best to improve the mood. Speaking of ruining the mood, as I mixed my bloody this morning and silently-gloated what I believed to be a 3-1 record last night, I was more shocked than Muhsin Muhammad when he doesn’t drop a pass that the Dodgers scored 2 runs in the 9th to ruin my UNDA by ½ a run. Oh well, feeling like shiznit cause I went .500 is like John Daly gettin’ up-set cause his marriage only lasted 6 months. Anyway, I gotta roll Homeboys, wish the Smoke Daddy squad some luck tonight on the softball diamond and always remember to find a lunchtime lingere show with wireless internet so you can read Insideplays.com!

What did I tell you about bettin’ the OVA on Tuesday fellaz…it’s a bigger lock than an NBA superstar asking to be traded after realizing the team sucks cause he took all their cap-space. Speaking of the professional hardwood, I haven’t had an NBA Draft chubby like this since the Bulls drafted Brad Sellers. My mock draft is on hold until tomorrow as it looks like more picks are going to be swapped than steroids at a WW(F/E) Wrestling convention. Also, we have so much afternoon baseball I think I’m going to need another notepad for all my investment documentation. And what’s this, Kenny Williams reads www.insideplays.com and finally realized he should sign Mark Buehrle to long-term deal…I knew he was a genius. With that, I’m going to leave you with a few quick thoughts on what to expect the next few days…before handing out money like the New York Yankees when their short on pitching:

1. The NBA will ban former Celtics from being GMs
Larry Bird (Pacers), Kevin McHale (T-Wolves), & Danny Ainge (Celtics) have basically ruined 3 franchises. Hey Larry the Legend, I know you were a slow white-guy, but that doesn’t mean you should trade for every slow white-guy. Your paying Troy Murphy & Mike Dunleavy 16 frickin’ million a year you fool!

2. Even as a Southsider, I can’t stop watching the Cubs
Even if you don’t have an Asian fetish, are you turning off the tube when a Kobe Tai marathon is on channel 986? My reasons…Nobody is more entertaining to watch than Alfonso Soriano with his Peter North sized bat and unorthodox outfield play, you never know what Big Z or Sweet Lou might do, and watching Cubs fans at Wrigley is like a frat party, a New Kids concert, & a Harley Davidson convention all rolled into one. Keep it up Cubbies and keep a bandwagon spot for Uncle Greggy!

3. The Rocket has is 1-2 with a 5.09 ERA
Heheheheheheheheh…old stingy bastard!

4. Kevin Garnett next to Amare is Redonkulous
If Steve Kerr can get KG without giving-up Amare, we have the GM of the year and NBA Title for 2008 already wrapped-up. No matter how many times the Suns run past teams in the regular season, when the playoffs come they look like Rex Grossman trying to stiff-arm a D-lineman when trying to stop Timmy D on the block. As for all the Matrix luv, he makes way more money than Amare and you’ll be surprised how average he looks out of the Phoenix/Nash system.

5. I went to the Dentist yesterday!
This is the exact conversation I had with my dentist:

Greggy G: It’s not you Dr. Lee, I’ve always been deathly afraid of the dentist. It’s embarrassing I haven’t been here in 3 years, and I apologize for avoiding your secretary’s calls like it’s the cops.
Dr. Lee: Actually Mr. Gamble, it’s been 5 years…we need to take some X-Rays. (X-rays are taken and he begins to scrap-off the sin on my teeth as a sweat thru my Devil Ray tighty-whitey’s.)
Dr Lee: Oh my god Mr Gamble?! (A shaving of Labatt Blue soils my D-Ray undergarment)
Dr Lee: I can’t believe you don’t have one cavity! You must not chew, smoke, drink, or hang-out at strip-clubs.
Greggy G: I’m a pretty dorky-guy Dr. Lee, I just like to read & floss…Btw, have you heard of Insideplays.com?

Crazy day at the Gamble Household…and no, my girl didn’t figure-out my lockbox combination. Gonna make this quick, but here are a few draft thoughts before I head to the diamond to start-up a new winning streak:

1. Who should be more embarrassed regarding Stephen A. Smith and Dickie V…blacks or whites? Since I’ve been watching the draft, I’ve never heard Dumbass Dickie not drool ova every kid that played college basketball, while he continues to yell, spitt, and wave his arms like a crazied ol’ man talking to himself on park bench. As for Stephen Azz, I can’t believe ESPN lets him sit their as a draft analyst…he knows less about the NBA than Mitch Kupchak and all the former Celtics that are GMs!

2. Poor Doc Rivers, with Paul Pierce, Jesus ‘No D’ Shuttlesworth, & Al Jefferson, how they hell are they going to prevent teams from scoring 130 every night? On that note, what a trade/day for the SuperDurants! They now get to keep Rashard Lewis, who’s cheaper, younger, and a much better rebounder, and will now sport the most lethal, and towering 2, 3, 4 combo for the next decade with Captain Durant, Jeff Green, & Rashard Lewis. The Pacific Northwest isn't gonna be a fun road-trip anymore!

3. What the hell is Isiah doing? So he’s gonna have two over-weight players that basically sit with their back to the basket, while Stephon Marbury & Nate Robinson dribble around looking to penetrate. You know it’s a bad move when Stephen Azz is calling you genius!

4. I received about 50 text-messages last night from Bulls fans screaming about another defensive-minded, no-offense big. While I’d agree with them if all those guys stay, I have to believe Paxson, Skiles, & Co. are trading for an established low-post threat and believe Noah holds the most appeal around the league. As a rule, it’s easier to trade for a veteran big, if you’re giving-up a young big. If Joakim does stays, he replaces Big Ben Wallace when the Bulls need to throw-in his contract to help match-up some salaries. GO GET GASOL OR GARNETT JOHNNY PAX!!!

I’ll have a complete draft recap next week, but what an awesome job by Portland, Seattle, & Golden State last night. Take it light Homeboys, and also remember never to drink Everclear when you’ve got Poprocks in your mouth!

Sorry bout insideplays, I promised my lady no gamblin' on Jr's birthday this weekend. BTW, I hate lyin'!

My record looks sweeter than the Rebecca Gayheart rubbin’ a lil’ Noxema on her cheeks now that I’ve reached the 50 win plateau. Speaking of 50, you think the White Sux bullpen will blow that many games this year? And how about Miss A-Rod, wearing a shirt that says the opposite of “Have a nice day!”…frickin’ brilliant! Like the kids at Yankee stadium didn’t hear worse shiznit when Chuck Knoblauch was attempting a throw to 1st base.

As for the Free Agent courting in the NBA, looks like Johnny Pax is going Blue Light Special on our azz down-low with Joe “was I really the 1st pick in the ’95 draft” Smith and Chris “Underachieving & Injured” Mihm coming in for workouts. In all honesty, if Pax, Skiles, & Co. has decided not to swing a blockbuster, I guess a healthy Mihm would be a major improvement…like I said, IF he’s healthy. While FA Darko Milicic is only 22-years-old and looks to be changin’ addresses after the Magic vastly overpaid for a spot-up shooter (Rashard Lewis), I still don’t think he has much more between the ears than Isiah and probably will command closer to 10 mill a year. Anyway, family still in-town until after the holiday, but at least I went 2-0 ATS and fleeced my niece for $8 playing Hungry-Hungry Hippo last night. Have a blast anoche fellaz…gotta luv a mid-week holiday!

Am I really just warmin'-up to Darko, or did I have too many root beer barrels last night? (Root Beer Schnapps + Shiznity Beer + Chug = Happy!). Never thought I'd say it, but I think the 22-year is worth an investment. Sorry about the lose last night...I'm not use to those either. Be safe this 4th Homeboys!

Closing out the 4th with a nice 2-0 evening made the Watermelon & Everclear taste even sweeter last night. As for the rumor that I’ve started to endorse Darko Milicic in Chicago, even after the Root Beer Barrels wore-off from Wednesday’s party, I still found myself somewhat intrigued about acquiring the 22 year-old 7-footer. If the Gasol/Nocioni rumor is untrue, I’d much rather pay lil’ extra for Darko if the other options are Chris “Aww...my foot!” Mihm or Joe “I’m super bored” Smith. Speaking of Andres, while Pax says he’ll match any offer, and I'm sure he hopes to, I think that’s more a ploy to keep other teams from even making an offer. Unfortunately, I have a feeling someone (Grizz) will be offering him more the 8 million a year, and I can’t see how the Bulls can justify paying Hinrich, Wallace, & Noce ova 30 million a year and expect to outscore the opponents. As for the latest on Garnett, if the Bulls can’t stomach his 20-25 million price-tag, the Warriors seem to have more young assets than Hugh Hefner to bring KG to Caly. The Wolves luv the potential of Tar Heel Brandon Wright, so I bet Mullin could throw-in last year's lottery pick Patrick O’Bryant, the 21-year old phenom Monta Ellis (2007 NBA most improved), Al Harrington, & another salary to make it work. While I’m sure McHale wants Andris Biedrins, the longer this thing drags-out the cheaper KG will become. You think Nellie's pushin’ hard to pair KG & Baron...ahhh, yeah.

And finally, in regards to Chicago baseball, will they please just trade Jacque Jones and sign/trade Mark Buehrle…I can’t stand hearing about this shiznit everday! Just like a new Britiney Spears koochie shot, I get sick simply at the thought. Anywho, time for some investments my friends…let’s finish this short-week off Vegas style baby!

The White Sox pitchers gave-up 32 frickin' runs yesterday...yeah, we don't need Burls right!? If owner Jerry Reinsdorf let Johnny Pax ova-pay for a hardworking fan favorite (Nocioni), I'm sure he'd let Kenny unda-pay for another hardworking fan favorite. Sushi and Sake last night, pizza and beer tonight, and maybe a lil' gamblin' on the docket today. Kill em' in Vegas Damian...I have a feelin' it's your lucky day!

It’s hotter than Alyssa Milano in Poison Ivy 2 today! I need some covers on the diamond just to pay for my central-air…I mean when your condo is the size of Puffy’s, it takes a lil’ more than a rookie contract to get her cooled! Anyway, pretty boring day in the sports world yesterday, so much so, I even skipped Sportscenter and watched my Tivo’d “Girls Next Door” marathon last night. Think I can get my girl to paint-on her next party outfit…yeah, probably not. Have a splendid Sunday Funday fellaz, you know I will…cause $10 pitchers of Watermelon Vodka Lemonades and a Golden Tee machine are callin’ my name!

While props should definitely be handed out to GMs Johnny Pax & Kenny Will for Noce & Burls comin’ back, I’m sending my luv (Ali Larter whip-cream to Johnny Mox style) to the man sitting in his own sky-box at both…Jerry Reinsdorf. Of course, we could argue about whether the Bulls ova-paid for Noce or if Buehrle’s value could have helped more in rebuilding the Sox “skill-challenged” farm system, but instead, I’d rather give the them kudos for re-signing two of their fan-favorites that have also helped re-shape the style and atmosphere of the two franchises. Lookin’ up-n-down both rosters, it’s obvious Reinsdorf has given his blessing to Kenny and Pax to spent his money on players dedicated to their craft. In a sports world full of underachieving superstars, it’s easy to justify ova-paying for ova-achieving 3rd-tier stars and role-players, especially if the contracts aren’t long-term for players rollin’ into their 30s. With the Bulls, we’ve see it with Captain Kirk and Big Ben, and on the Southside, we’ve seen it with Paulie, Javier, and Jermaine Dye’s 2005 deal.

Even more impressive to a selfish bastard like myself, was watchin’ both of them take a hometown discount. While family wishes played a role in keepin’ both in town, I strongly believe the confidence they had in the franchises to continue to built the right-way, and the relationships they had with the existing coaches and teammates played the biggest role. Just like on E! TV’s “The Girls Next Door”, in today’s day-n-age it’s considered a luxury to have teammates and roommates getting along to the point that they slap each other’s bottoms just for fun.

As for the Greggy G analysis of the moves, obviously the Buehrle signing was a no-brainer with all the money and years he was willing to give-up. Even though Kenny made diehard Sox fans double-up their Marlboro Red purchases the last few weeks, tough to rip a GM who signed one of the best starting pitching deals in last decade. As for the Bulls, I believe Nocioni could have gotten more money elsewhere, but the combination of his love for the team/city and Paxson’s brilliant move to convince other GMs he’d match any offer for the Argentinean kept him in red & black. With that said, we could argue like Michael Irvin trying to convince us he’s the greatest player/role model that Noce isn’t worth 5 years and 38 million, but we can’t argue about the versatility, passion, and winning attitude Andres brings to the Bulls young table. While I want a low-post star now and believe we have enough to offer without mortgaging all our talent, Paxson may not be ready for that risk just yet and seems extremely comfortable stockpiling young, hard-working talent. Maybe he’s taking the correct long-term approach, but in opinion, after watched the Eastern Conference playoffs this year...I think he may be missing a unique opportunity.

Wow, that was pretty frickin’ boring. Anyway, the All-Star break is upon us, so hopefully I can re-group with my scouts after a horrible ATS weekend and improve on my 55-33 record the second half. Until then, I have the Home Run Derby winner for ya, but if your shaking for some more action, just give me a call and I’ll send you my WNBA picks for toinght! Holla

After a day studying WNBA road-trends and the injury-report for Gambia’s soccer team, I’m shakin’ like a frat’tastic white-boy in a New Orleans jail-cell (not fun…I’ve heard) for some diamond action today. While the 1st half of MLB ATS action was nicer than a Polack strollin’ thru the DePaul campus, just like in the NBA, everybody knows Mr. Gamble gets filthier than a pop-star without Underoos in the 2nd. Of course, with my long-time basketball scouting blood (U-14 Mid-Suburban Church League Scout) still shootin’ threw me like a pass thru the hands of Muhsin Muhammad, I have to give ya a lil’ NBA Summer League action to feed my fix. Don’t worry, you don’t have to thank me, I do it out of luv Homeboys. So without further ado (unless you bastards just skip this and check the pick and hottie), I give you my NBA ‘Crappy’ Summer League notables:

MARCUS BANKS, PG, 6-2, Phoenix Suns
1 gm, 32 min, 42 points, 6 reb, 13-19 FG, 4-5 3-pt, 12-14 FT,
2003, 1 round – 13 pick, Memphis Grizzlies

GM Steve Kerr should sit Banks the rest of the summer, even including practice, and madly work the phones to trade the lightning-kick, turnover-prone, former Runnin’ Rebel before he returns his trade-stock to Speedy Claxton territory. While Banks strength, speed, and balance enables him to breakdown anybody up-top, once in the paint he struggles to make the right decisions and doesn’t understand how to control the flow of the offense…not a good selling-point for a point guard making $17M ova the next 4 years! If I was helping Stevie, I'd tell him to call Sacramento cause they have a boat-load of bad-contracts to choose from.

JELANI MCCOY, PF, Denver Nuggets
2 gm, 26 mpg, 13 ppg, 13 rpg, 2.5 bpg, 92 fg%
1998, 2 round – 33 pick, Seattle Supersonics

Out of the NBA since he played 10 games for Atlanta Hawks during 2004-05 season, the former UCLA Bruin looked like a dominating YMCA vet looking to show-up the youngsters back from college. The NBA vagabond made 12 of 13 shots, leads the summer league in rebounding, and made some awesome angry-old-man faces every time he swatted the rock. While it may not be with the Nuggets, I’m guessing McCoy’s performance just purchased himself another ticket to the big-show. And more importantly, now that he’s finally back I expect him to bounce around to at least 4 or 5 teams ova the next 5 years…Chucky Brown style baby!

LOUIS WILLIAMS, G, 6-1, Philadelphia 76ers
5 gm, 34 mpg, 25 ppg, 5 rpg, 5 apg, 49 fg%, 41 3pt%
2005, 2 round - 45 pick, Philly 76ers

While the Warriors rookie Marco Belinelli has been the obvious surprise star of the summer, the former High School draftee has quietly added some strength, improved his playmaking, and surprised everyone in his ability to sneak some rebounds with his 6’1” frame. A remarkable athlete with more similarities to Monta Ellis than Allen Iverson, Williams is one of the few undersized HS guards that came-in with a freelance style to really dedicate himself to changing his overall approach. While this improvement can be most notably found his shot-selection, if he hopes to maximize his potential he needs to continue to develop as point-guard, and not a scoring guard. No reason to think he can’t do that, and no reason to think you can’t start braggin’ about this up-n-comer to your friends.

KELENNA AZUBUIKE, G, 6-5, Golden St. Warriors
2 gm, 29 mpg, 21 ppg, 6 rpg, 47 fg%, 50 3pt%
2006, Free Agent, Golden State

While the trade with ‘His Airness’ was a no-brainer for GM Chris Mullin (Jason Richardson for Brandon Wright), it was even easier than a professional athlete at a strip-club to pull the trigger with the hardworking former Kentucky Wildcat's unexpected success last season. Azubuike already has the strength and speed to compete nightly on the wing, and overall, reminds me of a better shooting, less insane, version of Rueben “Drop your Pants” Patterson. As an owner of Warrior Zubaz, I’ve patiently waited for the unbelievable potential of Mickael Pietrus to develop past 4 fouls in 10 minutes, but I think it’s finally time to give his minutes to the England-born Azubuike. With Baron Davis playing defense half-the-time and Monta Ellis undersized, Nellie desperately needs his toughness, unselfishness, and court-awareness. But the real reason I think Azubuike’s summer results are important, I think it gives Mullin more confidence to throw Ellis or Pietrus in a deal to finally go get KG!

While throwing back a few Coronas and braggin’ about Insideplays last night, a couple of my third-tier friends were complaining that I never reviewed the Bulls Draft. Since my only suggestion box is located wherever I’m bellied-up to the bar, I promised the dude (whose name I always forget) I’d give him a full breakdown today if he let me bum a couple smokes. So, as a man of my word (50% of the time) and before I give away some more winners and hotties, I give you the 2007 Bulls Draft breakdown:

JOAKIM NOAH - 1st Round 9th pick
PF 6-11 232 lbs. Age: 22 Florida
A two-time defending National Champ, Joakim Noah fits the bill of the Paxson, Skiles, & Co. era: Tireless worker/gym-rat, athletic, developed at a big-time program, and not likely to be spotted at places like the Admiral Theater or late night in China-Town. While the majority of Bulls fans seem disappointed in the pick with some even despising the animated style of Joakim’ness, his value is high around the league and rarely do find an athletic frontcourt player with coordination and court-sense this high in the draft. Even with a low-post game similar to Bill Cartwright with two left-hands, Noah’s a solid rebounder with remarkable defensive awareness and already better than most NBA Bigs on the dribble and with the pass. With that said, I honestly believe he’s a perfect fit alongside a low-post scorer and has the most value to a team without a defensive presence, and last time I checked…aaahhh…we have plenty of one and not the other. Paxson now has three players (Tyrus Thomas, Ben Wallace, & Joakim Noah) that are all better defensively than most teams top frontcourt defender, and I have a feeling GMs are drooling to get their hands on one of them. In the NBA, the only way to trade for a veteran low-post stud is to give-up a young frontcourt phenom and throw-in some short-dudes with respectable contracts….and you know what, we can do that. Give Skiles a behemoth on the block and we’ll have an Eastern Conference Title in Chicago by next year. I know it’s easier said than done, but with all the young assets the Bulls have stockpiled it’s easier then it’ll ever be. Overall, I’m a bigger fan of Noah than most, but with this Bulls crew, if they pass the trading deadline this season and all three of their no-offense bigs are on the roster, for the first time, I’m not happy with Paxson’s draft.

AARON GRAY - 2nd Round 49th pick
C 7-1 270 lbs. Age: 22 Pittsburg
The senior from a solid Pittsburg program has averaged 14 ppg and 10 rpg over the last two seasons, and could currently be considered the best low-post threat on the Bulls roster. Unfortunately, he makes Michael Sweetney look like Carl Lewis and hasn’t improved much physically over the last few years. While thick enough to bang-down low, he’s very undefined and doesn’t have any spring in his legs. While polished with an array of moves with his back to the basket, he doesn’t have a mid-range game and actually had his worst season at FT line (55%) in his four-year career…not a good sign. I know the Bulls need size and some low-post scoring, but I can’t see how Gray’s athletic shortcomings enable him to see the floor in Skiles’ up-tempo system. At the same time, not much of a risk her at #49, and he would have been a late first round selection last year had he stayed in the draft.

JAMESON CURRY - 2nd Round 51st pick
G 6-3 190 lbs Age: 21 Oklahoma State
I’m definitely not a fan of undersized two-guards, especially ones that are turnover-prone and have a poor shot-selection. While Curry lit-it-up this season for an undermanned Cowboy squad (17 ppg, 41 3pt%), he’s the definition of a streaky shooter and rarely gives much of an effort at the defensive end. Most easily compared to the Nets Eddie House for his ability to score in bunches and not really play the point, Curry has also had some documented problems with the evil weed and should struggle to stay-out of Skiles’ doghouse…if he even makes the team. Especially, if the Bulls gets rid of Chris “I over-slept” Duhon as has been rumored, they’ll need a true-point to spell Captain Kirk. With the 51st pick, I’m guessing Pax figured the risk/reward was better than most left on the board, but I was shocked he went with an undisciplined poor man’s Ben Gordon.

Sunday Funday is in full-effect…got a buzz from my V-8 this mornin’. Maybe I shouldn't have added Tequila.

Getting’ burned by the -1.5 runs in the Yanks victory yesterday is like ordering a movie in your hotel room and realizing they only show action from the waist up. Still going to ride the Bronx Bombers like a business man in China-town, but man do I hate rooting for those bastards. As for my White Sox, not only do they suck, but they’re boring as hell! I’ve purposely only watched them twice in the last month and have actually substituted them with The Next frickin’ Food Network Star on my favorites. I’m mean seriously, do you really want to spend your evenings watching Juan Uribe falling-over as he swings at a ball in the dirt or watch Jermaine Dye age right before our very eyes…I think not.

And how about the Bulls finally grabbin’ a low-post star in Joe Smith…what!? In all honesty, if Johnny Pax doesn’t have the cohones to trade for a superstar, I’d rather see Tyrus Thomas on the floor than Joe “I kinda like basketball” Smith. And in a year when Rashard Lewis is paid almost 20 million a season, how the hell did the Grizz get away with only givin’ Darko 7 million (rumored). A know he’s a lil spacey at times, but an athletic 22 year-old 7-footer with a soft touch should dominate the market…maybe he’s using Scottie Pippen’s old agent. I luv ya Paxson, but for another 1.5 million I would have rather had Milicic. Take it light Homeboys…it’s only Monday!

My 2nd half ATS performance so far has me thinking its October and I’m A-Rod striding to the dish with runners in scoring position. But don’t fret Homeboys, just like Darryl Strawberry I’m never gonna quit! Speaking of unique MLB personalities, it looks like the ornery/crusty hustling Jason Kendall will be fighting and scratching for the Cubbies post-season push. I career .300 hitter heading into the season, the 33 year-old Kendall has struggled mightily this year in Oakland (.226, 2 HR, 22 RBI), and I’m guessing GM Jim Hendry is hopeful a return to his old stompin’ grounds in the NL Central (Pirates 1996-2004) will be exactly what the feisty backstop needs. A lead-off hitter for most his career, the once speedy catcher has slowed considerably, but still can knock in a clutch run or lean into a pitch when needed. While I’m not as enamored with the move as most, if anything, at least we’re assured of watching another bench-clearing brawl in Chicago…the dude’s crazier than Nick Nolte in a Hawaiian shirt!

Moving on to more important things (no, not the NBA Summer League or an Asia Carrera sighting), it appears the Professional Pigskin Season is starting to stir-up some chatter not related to “Makin’ it Rain” or “Drivin’ Dirty”. In Chi-Town, we’ve already heard Tommie Harris request Donovan McNabb, Lance Briggs request Brian Urlacher money, and Urlacher’s baby’s momma request Brian take some child-rearing classes. As for Briggs, while I usually have more sympathy for football holdouts (injury risk vs non-guaranteed contracts), in this case, I hope Lance doesn’t have a TO complex and is simply bluffing about sitting-out. Take the 7.2 Million, get the Bears to guarantee they won’t franchise you next year, and take your solid (but not great) azz to the open market in 2008. For the Bears, if they have no plans to keep him after this season, I don’t understand why they didn’t pull the trigger on the Washington deal. While nobody really wins in this situation, it does remind me of the Chicken/Tractor battle in Footloose and I have a feeling Jerry Angelo’s shoelace is stuck!

And finally, what team is going to be 'Brittany Spears' enough to take Steve Francis. I don’t care if it’s for the veteran’s minimum (1.1 M), he’ll always give-up twice as many points as he scores and I guarantee his maligned-azz finds its way into a coaches doghouse by the All-Star break. Gotta roll fellaz, and once again, I apologize for my miserable performance on the diamond the last few days. But no need to pout like Stevie Franchise, you know I’m like Rocky Balboa…I always rise back up!

As much as I’d luv to open with the dog-lovin’ Ronny Mex, there was news yesterday on a scale bigger than…well, let’s say Dmitri Young on a scale. And the best part, there’s no need for a smoky water contraption or funky mushrooms to get the laughter rollin’ on this one cause the great Stephon Marbury has once again opened his mouth to reporters. As reported in the New York Post, the self-proclaimed Starbury has plans to play in Italy once his contract expiries in two years. The remarkable Obi-Wan Kenobi revelation surfaced following his trip to Italy, combined with the response David Beckham received on his arrival from overseas. Marbury sees himself as Beckham type of commodity and doesn’t believe it’s a coincidence that he'll be the same age as David (32) when his contract is up in 2009. What can I say…I’m not tryin’ to make fun of the dude, but he actually called this journey the “Starbury Movement”! And briefly back to Ronny Tijuana’s brother Michael Vick, just like the lost girl in Aruba and the Mike Danton Hired-Killer/Gay-lover hockey story, I can’t stop reading every detail about this shiznit. The depths of the Dog-Fighting World is spookier than the drug-invested lifestyles of professional wrestlers, and has forced me to move Michael Vick ahead of Mark Chmura on my NFL Scum-ball Top 10.

As for the diamond, while I’m sure you guys remember me pleading with you to bet the Yankees for the first 20 games after the All-Star Break (5-1 so far), I’d also like to caution you on betting against a team the rest of the 2nd half…The TB frickin' Devil Rays! With no pressure on the youngsters and a line-up littered with speed and power, the Rays are capable of scoring 8-10 runs on any given night. Not to mention, every team playin' in that terribly-boring ballpark wishes they were somewhere else. Trust a long-time baseball maven and just stay away from investing your kid’s college money on Tampa. I actually think you'd have better odds bettin' the White Sox bullpen to have an ERA unda 6.00 by season’s end…on second thought, probably not. Peace-out my young degenerates and make sure to enjoy the beautiful day, and more importantly, a Mark Grace type of night!

This write-up is gonna be quicker than my 1st time followin’ the High School Turnabout Dance…my excuse was I didn’t have an older brother to explain how to add alcohol into the mix! I apologize, but I’m selling my palatial Chicago estate (3rd-floor shitty-condo w/o deck or elevator), and the potential buyers are doing their inspection today. Even though I closed my underground salamander-fighting ring, I’m nervous they may find all the dead-newts I have buried all-over the property. Anyway, I’ll have all kinds of goodies for ya tomorrow, but for today, just enjoy the picks and the pics.

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell ya…I saw 3 different sports’ websites casting a poll asking if fans thought Ronny Mex’s image was permanently tarnished. ARE YOU FRICKIN’ KIDDING ME…that’s like asking the Handicapped-Community if they collect Cade McNown football cards! Take it light Fellaz