Inside Plays

Sorry kids, the weekend sports breakdown is a little late due to Money Mike being a little under the weather. Got sick watching J Cutler Sunday night in Denver. Anyway, I have lots to talk about so as MC Hammer would say, "lets get it started!

Oh yeah.....its the Money Mike back in this piece. My guy G Gamble has been mad mad hot in football and basketball picks the past few weeks. If you fools have not been taking his picks, then I feel sorry for you. Since GG is in the middle of a corn field some where in Iowa visiting his family and has no "dial up" connection to post any picks I am taking over the picks this week. Take notice...its gonna be alot of choking this Sunday and Monday on the gridiron. Here ya go.

Well the end of the year is upon us. If you have been riding with the Cougar then 2006 has been a great year for you. If you just found the Cougar on Insideplays that is ok.... you are still 6-1 with the Cougars football picks.

There are some layup bets left on the Bowl schedule including some Cougar 5 star specials coming up around the BCS games. Let the Cougar help build your bankroll up for those games with the following picks.

BOSTON COLLEGE -6.5 TO NAVY
With Navy's biggest win this year coming aganist Air Force you gotta go with BC here. I love this game at 6.5 but it won't be here for long. There have been a lot of covers this year in bowls. Boston College is holding teams to 15pts per game. In fact only one team this year has scored more the 21 pts on BC (BYU 23)

NEVADA +3.5 TO MIAMI
Who made this spread? Miami has no quality wins all year, a coach out the door, 5 new injuries, and the game is on New Year's Eve. You really think any of the Miami players care about this game? The whole team will be looking forward to getting out in time to go party and shoot people.

ARKANSAS -2 TO WISCONSIN
Not trying to take anything away from the Badgers here but they just haven't been tested enough this year. For being in the Big Ten they have had a pretty cush schedule. Arkansas on they other hand has been overacheiving all year.

MICHIGAN +2 TO USC
Any other field and Michigan is favored by at least 4 here. This is one of my favorite games on the schedule. I feel the Wolverines have better skill players at every position on the field. They have more to play for, have more emotion AND are getting points.

That is pretty much it. I am mostly staying away from the NFL this week. Too much like a preseason week. If you have to bet it play only the games that have teams NEEDING to win. Historically those teams cover.

Speaking of... I like Green Bay this week. A win drags out the Favre era. They COugar isn't allowed to bet aganist the Bears but that doesn't mean you can't!!!

Have a happy and safe New Years,

Love

The Coug

Oh yeah......I'm back. It's Money Mike back up in this beeeatch with the NFL breakdown. I know you fools have missed me but with my guy GG is on fire with the NBA picks I decided to let him ride the wave for awhile. I'm was starting to get jealous so here I am. For you new comers that don't know about me I give winners too......but I also will be covering our segment called "The Hollywood Minute" which breaks down our famous athlete's and their extra curricular activities including movies, TV shows, girlfriends, mistresses and creep moves. Pictures are included kids so check back. Anyway...let's get to the point with this weeks NFL match-ups.

This dude makes my Homeboy Parisi look tall!

Greggy G is having trouble concentrating on his BBall picks with a Bears playoff game around the corner. The feeling around Chi-Town has Bear fans waiting for a collapse and expecting nothing but the worst from Sexy Rexy. While I do think the Monsters of the Midway will advance to the NFC Championship, I think we’ll see Brian Griese by the 3rd quarter…and will see the Seahawks covering 9.5 points by the 4th. As for the second tilt today…www.insideplays.com

Yeah fools.....Its Money Mike up in this piece to give you the Brick oven locks on Championship Sunday. GG is out slapping high five's with his boys at Clybar 3 hours before the game even starts, so I will give you picks also later in the article; but for now....listen to what MIke has to say.

Bears vs. Colts -7 ...these were the good old days to Tex Mex

Oh Yeah.......its finally here. Super Bowl XLI! I can't wait to see somebody pouting in the post game press conference. For the past two weeks people have been asking me "what's your pick Money Mike"? Well I'm here to break it all down for you and tell our Chicago fan base why you should queue up the 80's favorite "The Bad news Bears" starring William Devane in the latest sequel.

As I rolled off of my chinchilla-fur comforter this morning and Ickey-Shuffled my way into the kitchen for a can of Tecate w/ a lime (remember that Vitamin C kids) and some Venison Jerky, I accidentally happened upon a calendar my girl had on the fridge. First off, I apologize fellaz…I didn’t know it was August. My dumb-azz is ranting and raving about the professional diamond and the off-season NBA transactions when I should be discussing the real American pastime…the Gridiron. So with that, I give you some quick pigskin notes to feed your appetite.

DANTE CULPEPPER IN OAKLAND
Word to the wise, if you have a reconstructed knee…maybe you shouldn’t sign a 1-year deal with an O-Line that’s nickname is “The Turnstiles”!

BRETT FAVRE’S LAST GASP
This is going to be an ugly, ugly season for Mr. Vicodin. I guarantee he cries at least three times at the post-game podium and throws twice as many picks as tuddies this year. If he starts every game for the Pack, I promise to throw away my Golden St. Warriors Zubaz…after I wear them for my Super Bowl party!

RANDY MOSS IN BELI-LAND
While most Fantasy Footballers will be eyeing the former Thunder Herd WR, I’m expecting better years from both Donte’ Stallworth and Wes Welker in New England. Randy’s aging faster than Ray Liotta and I expect to see him standing next to a heater nursing a pulled finger-nail as the weather gets icy-cold in Foxborough.

KYLE ORTON HAS THE BODY OF GREGGY G
I’m not joking fellaz…everyday I read or hear how great Mr. Orton’s body looks in training camp. While I’m not gay (except on the 2nd Thursday of the month), I can’t help but picture Orton in a bathing suit every time he drops back to pass.

MARC BULGER WILL HAVE CRAZY FANTASY NUMBERS
The Rams defense is going to be horrific this season, which is great if you have Holt, Bruce, Jackson, Bulger, or the OVA.

Finally, quickly to the NBA, I was in the process of writing-up some break-out performers for the up-coming season, and was just starting to talk-up F/C Andray Blatche when I read he was arrested for soliciting sex to an undercover cop yesterday. Once again, I don’t understand professional athletes. Blatche, a free-agent, was being courting by his former team the Washington Wizards, and reports are he had been offered a 5-year 12.5 million dollar contract. Andray…your telling me there on no groupies, let alone regular girls, that are willing to jingle the jewelry of a potential millionaire? But wait…the best part of this story can be found in a quote from an NBA veteran in the Washington Post about the situation:

"Dude was about to sign a contract for millions and he got arrested for that? That's stupid! Everyone knows you aren't supposed to be out like that when a contract is getting done."

So the NBA vet is saying is O.K. to pull a Hugh Grant as long as you’ve already signed the contract…that’s frickin’ hilarious! Have a great weekend boys and remember to take your Milk Thistle.

Tough one for the Cubbies, but I told you Wandy Rodriquez looks like Les Lancaster at home…simply filthy! While Rich Hill looked nice, the line-up doesn’t without Alfonso in the mix and I won’t stop harping on the Cubbies for not grabbin’ Griffey Jr. when they had a chance. But enough diamond notes, you can read my picks and pics later, because right-now we need to start looking at some Fantasy Football action. Just like my Sunday School Teacher taught me, the only thing better than bettin’ on football is having three players from your fantasy squad on the team you’re betting on! So let’s take a quick peak at Greggy G’s 2007 Fantasy RBs Movin-up and Movin’-down:

MOVIN’ ON UP

CARNELL “CADILLAC” WILLIAMS (BUCCANEERS)
Projected RB rank: 27th
Greggy G RB rank: 16th

After a solid rookie season (1178 rush yards, 6 TDs), the Cadillac took a dive along with the rest of the Bucs last season rushing for under 800 yards and only scoring 1 TD. While injuries played a roll, the biggest reason for his lack of success was Tampa Bay’s inabilities to keep the chains moving. With QB Jeff Garcia is ready to prove he’s still got game (and doesn’t like to land on the end zone pylon azz-first), I have a feeling we’ll see why the Auburn Tiger was considered by many organization as the top RB in the 2005. In addition, just like you saw in Philly with Brian Westbrook, Garcia’s mobility should enable Cadillac to become a bigger threat catching the ball out of the backfield. Reading the press reports, it sounds like Gruden agrees and wants to keep him on the field for as many downs as possible.

JERIOUS NORWOOD (FALCONS)
Projected RB rank: 23rd
Greggy G RB rank: 17th

Obviously, everybody has Norwood as a sleeper this year, but I think he’s going to be even better than expected. With Warrick Dunn out for the first 6 weeks of the season and Joey Harrington taking ova for Ronny Mex, you think Norwood’s gonna get a nice opportunity? While Jerious’s ridiculous 6.4 rushing average had something to do with an extra LB shadowing the Dog-lovin’ scrambler, his lighting quick agility and pass-catching ability make him a perfect fit for the Georgia Dome turf. Especially with a RB depth chart that looks like an Arena roster and WRs that have trouble catching the ball, Norwood has no choice but to be the focal point of the offense.

MOVIN’ ON DOWN

LARRY JOHNSON (KC CHIEFS)
Projected RB rank: 3rd
Greggy G RB rank: 7th

LJ’s holdout aside, I think the Chiefs’ offense is going to struggle all season. Anytime you open the season with one of the Huard brothers as your starting QB and a go-to 34-year old WR named Eddie, you think teams fear your passing attack? In addition, the vaunted KC Offensive Line has seen retirement and injuries take a toll, while starting TE Tony Gonzalez will never be know as extra offensive lineman. Finally, LJ rushed the rock over 400 times last year, and can’t be in the same kind of shape working-out away from training camp. While I don’t doubt his ability and the fact that he’ll eventually be playing on Sundays, I really doubt his situation and his attitude if things go south.

DEUCE MCALLISTER (SAINTS)
Projected RB rank: 15th
Greggy G RB rank: 20th

While nobody knew how well Reggie and Deuce would play together in 06-07, I do not expect the same kind of breakdown in workload this season. After suffering a major knee injury in 2005, Deuce looked solid last season, but had some minor surgery this past February to clean-up the knee. While reports have him looking good in camp, with his running-style, off-n-on weight issues, and the magic found in Bush’s feet, I can’t see how McAllister breaks the 1000-yard barrier this season. He barley accomplished the feat last year (1057 rush yards), and that was with Bush showing-up to camp late and as a rook.

Yes, Barry Bonds is the best player I’ve seen during the steroid-era and deserves props for not hiding behind the DH and playing the field at his age. A ridiculous amount of players took more than Flintstone Vitamins during the 90s, the balls were juiced, and the mound was shaved down, so no, the numbers during this era don’t mean as much to me. Of course there’s an asterisk next Barry’s record in my mind, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t put your head-in-the-sand and celebrate his scientifically-aided accomplishments. Do you really think he breaks Hank Aaron’s record without Flaxseed Oil? If you do, you should hire Britany Spears as a tutor!

Also, did you see the fake lil' scuffle between A-Rod and the Blue Jays last night? First off, kudos to Josh Towers for hitting Rodriguez last night for an overdue retaliation for the bush-league play he made against Toronto earlier in the year. A-Rod should have taken the punishment like a man instead of acting like a tough-guy and glaring at the mound from 1st base like he’s a prize-fighter or something. The pretty-boy didn’t want to fight and knew there was no-way it would ever get to that, so he decided to act like a prima–donna and yell over someone’s shoulder. And finally, while I hate Roger Clemens more than Tofu, nobody hits somebody square in the back like the Rocket. Even at 52, he’s intimidating and as competitive as they come.

Alrighty-then, enough diamond chatter, time to rollback to the Gridiron for Greggy G’s 2007 Fantasy WRs Movin-up and Movin’-down:

MOVIN’ ON UP

LEE EVANS (BUFFALO BILLS)
Projected WR rank: 11th
Greggy G WR rank: 6th

Originally known as simply a speedster who could flat-out blow by anybody, Evans has worked unbelievable hard at becoming a great all-around WR. He blew-up last year in only his 3rd year (82 catches, 1292 yards, & 8 TDs) and has established a remarkable rapport with the improving J.P. Losman. Remarkably, in Evans first two years (48 catches each season), he also averaged 8 TDs per season, so you have to think last year’s TD totals were a little low considering his production. While defenses will continue to double-up on the former Badger until the Bills find another receiving mate, I have a feeling he’s just scratching the surface of his potential…Mark him down for at least 1300 yards and 10 TDs!

DEION BRANCH (SEAHAWKS)
Projected WR rank: 28th
Greggy G WR rank: 18th

The Seahawks are paying the undersized WR superstar money, which led to their leading WR Darrell Jackson finding his paper in San Fran this off-season. Jackson pulled-in ova 60 catches, nearly 1000 yards, and a whopping 10 TDs last season, which bodes well for Mr. Branch considering they didn’t really up-grade at that position. After holding out in New England last year, Branch was traded to Seattle after training camp and never really seemed to find a rhythm with the offense. Reports have him desperately wanted to prove he was worth the investment so expect him to come flying out of the gates this season. With QB Hasselbeck’s remarkable accuracy and Branch’s quickness & route-running skills, I wouldn’t be surprised to see him catch 75-85 balls. While his TD totals will never be sky-high, he’s a lock for at least 60-80 yards every single game.

MOVIN’ ON DOWN

DONALD DRIVER (PACKERS)
Projected WR rank: 8th
Greggy G WR rank: 14th

This is the year 32-year-old ova-achiever comes back to earth. After 3 straight seasons of at least 84 catches and 1200 yards, Driver no-longer has a QB that can thread the needle like he once could. I’m not hatin’ on the legendary signal-caller, but I just think without a running game and a young line the pain-killer kid may wish he retired last year. With Greg Jennings emerging as a top-flight possession WR, Driver’s catches should drop into the 60s and I can’t see him outracing many of the young secondarys anymore. While he’s a gamer and always had a great rapport with Favre, I just don’t see how you win your league with him as your #1 WR.

SANTANA MOSS (REDSKINS)
Projected WR rank: 21nd
Greggy G WR rank: 32nd

After 7 years in the league, the undersized Moss is starting to show some major wear-n-tear. Never minds that the Skins’ offense has been non-existent the last few years or that they have a green QB in Jason Campbell, I just don’t see Moss (55 catches, 790 yards, 6 TDs) spending more than 10 games on the field this season. While he’ll always have a few big plays per season, I’m of the mindset where I’d rather have 6-10 points every week, instead of Moss’s weekly numbers…4pts, 3pts, 15 pts, 2pts, etc. Tough to see a guy drop this far who had a huge season only two years ago (84 catches, 1483 yards, & 9 TDs), but I just call them as I see ‘em fellaz!

Before I get to my Fantasy Football analysis and investment strategies for the diamond, for the first time in a long-time, I’d like to give a sincere salutation to a professional athlete…not too bad Mr. Ankiel! After watching the young pitching phenom deal with a mental breakdown in the 2000 playoffs and continue to throw with as much accuracy as Chuck Knoblauch at 2nd ova the next 3 years, it was remarkable to see the converted outfielder hit a 3-run home run in his first Major League action since 2004. While I wasn’t as emotional as I was for the 90210 series finale or Spud Webb’s retirement, I have to say it was awesome to see him head to dugout and watch as his teammates/coaches/fans acted as though he’d just won the World Series. Congrats Rick, you the shiznit.

With that, I give you my Fantasy QBs Movin’-up and Movin-down, followed by a baseball pick that will make my Cubbie fans proud. Have a great weekend and don’t forget to pull-out the “Straight off the boat and on my lap Asians” DVD before your girl tries to throw-in She’s All That with her girlfriend…man am I stupid!

MOVIN’ ON UP

JON KITNA (DETROIT LIONS)
Projected QB rank: 13th
Greggy G QB rank: 6th

In Jonny K’s 1st season in Mo-Town, the 34-year old threw for 4,200 yards and 21 TDs…and 22 Ints (damn!). While many of those picks were thrown in desperate 2nd half comeback attempts, Kitna’s convinced another year with his WRs and the offense will only improve his efficiency (67% completion…not too frickin’ shabby!). Not to mention, the Lions added a game-breaker in Calvin Johnson who may the best WR prospect I've ever seen. With Roy Williams on one side, the Georgia Tech rook on the other, and Mike Furrey catching everything underneath like Tommy Waddle on speed, don’t be fooled when Kitna throws for 4,600 yards and 25 Tuddies.

TONY ROMO (DALLAS COWBOYS)
Projected QB rank: 11th
Greggy G QB rank: 7th

If you extrapolate (sounds like some type of Ronny Mex dog-torture device) Tony Ro’s numbers over a full season, the former pipe-layer of Carrie Underwood (sexiest legs in the world) would have thrown for ova 4,000 yards and +/-28 TDs. Also, considering TO dropped more balls than the “Queer-Eye for the Straight-Guy” fellaz and Jason Witten had a down year, those numbers could actually have been a lot higher. Throw-in a much more relaxed atmosphere with everybody’s favorite coach/uncle Wade Phillips and a full training camp of 1st-team snaps, and we could see Tony in the Top-5 for QB fantasy points this year.

MOVIN’ ON DOWN

MATT HASSELBECK (SEATTLE SEAHAWKS)
Projected QB Rank: 7th
Greggy G Rank: 13th

Even Hasselbeck's famous wife would agree Matt had a sub-par performance last year (19th in Passing Rating/25th in Comp%) and that was with his favorite target WR Darrell Jackson in-town. Now that Jackson’s off to San Fran and Shaun Alexander has vowed to recapture the rushing-crown, you think we'll see 2 or 3 TDs every week? In addition, the 31-year old moves like a 41-year old and seems nervous in the pocket ever since the best guard in the league (Steve Hutchinson) left for the Viqueens. And finally, Greggy G Fantasy Rule #35b: Never draft a QB who has a back-up that’s faster than Flo-Jo, cooler than Chris Tucker, and a former Cyclone. Yeah, I’m talking about the roll-out master Seneca Wallace Homeboys!

ELI MANNING (NEW YORK GIANTS)
Projected QB Rank: 11th
Greggy G QB Rank: 17th

Is it me, or does it look like Eli would rather be anywhere else in the world than managing the gridiron on Sunday. Seriously, he looks more nervous than my azz after peeing in a cup and doesn’t seem to have any support from his peers in the huddle. Throw-in the fact that Tiki’s gone, Plaxico & Shockey act like lil beeatches, and coach Tom Coughlin is a few games from being fired, this season could be a complete disaster. Especially if the G-men get off a slow start, New Yorkers will be all over the sensitive lil brother of Peyton, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Coughlin looked at the guy holding a clipboard (Anthony Wright) to desperately save his job. Maybe I’m wrong, but as my record shows, that’s only about 30% of the time!

What do you know, another 2 out of 3 on the ATS diamond and I’m now 30 games ova .500…what can I say, I was put on earth to improve liquor sales and the number of dollar bills in my Homeboy's pockets. And speaking of making money, who wants some Fantasy help? After winning 2 out of 3 leagues last year (Yes, Moose Knuckle members you’ve had my number lately, but you better watch your back like Lance Bass this season), it’s time to pass on some knowledge to help you win the fantasy dinero…that you’ll eventually lose betting on the coin-toss or those stupid-squares during the Super Bowl. It’s time for my Fantasy RB Breakdown; feel free to thank me once you’ve captured your first crown!

1. The quietest performance last season for a top RB was displayed by Travis Henry in Tennessee (1,211 rush. yards, 7 TDs). After carrying the ball only 30 times in the first 4 games, the former Bill was remarkable ova the rest of the season and finished with a 4.5 rushing clip and only dropping the ball on the grass 3 times (only one of those was recovered by the opponent). Throw him into the dominating running attack in Denver and I predict he’ll eclipse his best season in Buffalo (’02: 1747 total yards, 14 TDs). While most publications have him ranked between 12-15 for RBs, Greggy G’s yellow notepad has him easily in the top-10.

2. I don’t know why, but Cedric Benson scares me more then being unable to find the 3rd disk of the “Hoes, Toes, & Tiny Holes” 5-disk set the day before my girl’s back from vacation. While every indication is that the Bears’ veteran line will make him like look the luxury-model of Thomas Jones, I’m skeptical of his ability to stay healthy and not piss-off the entire team. I know the Bears really have nobody behind him to steal carries, but something about Benson makes me more skeptical than the ladies who see that New York Yankee late night at the club!

3. Trust me, do not buy the Brandon Jacobs hype in New York with Tiki retired. Jacobs was a TD machine last year (1 almost every 10 carries), but that was because Tiki got his azz to goaline everytime. I fully expect Reuben Droughns to split-time with the 260 lb. battling-ram from Southern Illinois, and can’t see how he’s even worth a glance until 25 other RBs are off the board. As for the theory you should draft both Droughns and Jacobs, feel free to do that in my league and watch as I beeatch-slap you like Nolan Ryan beat-down Robin Ventura. Overall, I wouldn’t touch anybody on the Gaints…they’re going to suck worse than those teeth-draggers!

4. While most experts will tell you Willis McGahee’s move to Billick’s smash-mouth style in Baltimore will help, Greggy G knows the Ravens O-Line is not what it used to be. In addition, after recovering from one of the worst knee injuries I’ve ever seen, the former Hurricane has logged almost 900 carries in his first three seasons. While I hope he proves me wrong, I can’t see how he makes it throw the season unscathed. The fantasy guru’s have him between 10 and 13 for RBs, but if you’re smart like me…don’t even take a look until 16 or 17.

5. After almost 1700 rush/rec yards and 16 Tds last year, Fast Willie Parker seems determined to prove he’s a premier workhorse in the league and has shown a dedication and leadership in camp that should get potential owners excited. While many experts feel the new staff will try to lessen the load with Kevan Barlow and Najah “poop in the closet” Davenport and are concerned with some knee-swelling in camp, I believe Coach Tomlin is simply resting the unheralded superstar for another 300-plus carry season. The O-Line should be dominate again this season and you have to think they’ll want to keep the punching-bag known as Big Ben a little more conservative this season.

6. You guys want a super-sleeper, and no, it’s not Chris “I’m late again” Duhon! I’m talking about Tony Hunt in Philadelphia. With Brian Westbrook & Correll Buckhalter’s knees continuing to give them trouble and 3rd down specialist Ryan Moats already out for the year, I have a feeling we’ll see the Penn State rookie plenty this season. He’s impressed the coaches in camp with his ability to hit the hole, has the size to compliment the powerful O-Line, and will see plenty of practice time throughout the season with the other RBs on the shelf. Especially after seein Donovan go down the last few years, you think Andy Reid might put a little more attention on the ground attack.

Hope this help fellaz and I’ll be back tomorrow with my WR notes. Enjoy my baseball picks and make sure to tell your fantasy league members to check out insideplays.com…but after your draft of course!

It’s a depressing morning in Chi-Town, and not because Zambrano looked like someone stole his lunchbox or the White Sox looked like someone stole their “How to play baseball for Dummies” handbook, but because Smoke Daddy Softball was eliminated from the playoffs in a hard-fought 1-run battle. While we gave more effort than former Poison star Brett Michaels does pretending he’s still a relevant rocker, the rumor of the ump knowing Tim Donaghy's barber and the 2nd basemen was too much to overcome. Oh well, at least I got 2 hits in the last game of my contract year…because I live by the Roger Clemens motto: It’s not about how many you win, it’s about how much you make!

As for today, I have some important fantasy football news for ya. I know most leagues have 10 or 12 players, but if you don’t grab one of the 7 QBs listed below, you’ll be sitting at home like Latrell Sprewell when the playoffs come around. With that, here are Greggy G’s Seven Signal-Callers of Supreme Significance:

1. PEYTON MANNING (so-called Expert Rank: 1)
06-07: 4397 yards, 31 TDs 9 INTs
No QB warrants a top-8 pick overall besides Peyton Manning & Seneca Wallace, and I’d even consider taking Eli’s brother with the 4th or 5th. Seemingly a lock to play all 16 games and throw at least 2 TDs and 250 yards each contest, it’s an unbelievable luxury to have Peyton’s consistency week-in and week-out. Especially with a running game that lost a major contributor in Dominic Rhodes, I expect Peyton’s #s to be even better this year.

2. CARSON PALMER (so called Expert Rank: 2)
06-07: 4035 yards, 28 TDs 13 INTs
I was extremely tempted to take Marc Bulger here, but you have to assume Palmer will be even better a full-year removed from knee surgery. In addition, the Bengal backfield has suffered some major injuries behind Rudi Johnson, so expect the former Trojan to throw it even more this season. As for the defense, it’s easier to move on the Bengals than it will be to movepast Paul Pierce & Ray Allen of the Boston Celtics. Marv Lewis’s squad gave-up the 3rd most yards per game in the NFL last year and doesn’t look all that improved on the defensive side...which is bad for him, but good for Palmer owners.

3. MARC BULGER (so called Expert Rank: 5)
06-07: 4301 yards, 24 TDs 8 INTs
Another team whose defense looks awful, Bulger will be forced to score more than NBA groupie on All-star weekend. Only Brett Favre & Jon Kitna threw more passes last season, and no reason to think he won’t be near the top again this year. In addition, with Stephen Jackson continuing to command more attention than the Olsen Twins, Bulger will have plenty of down-field opportunities and single coverage. The Rams added deep-threat Drew Bennett to complement Bruce & Holt at WRm while Randy McMichael gives Bulger his first playmaker at the TE position in years.

4. DREW BREES (so called Expert Rank: 3)
06-07: 4418 yards, 26 TDs 11 INTs
What a dream season for the undersized former Charger. Throw-in another year of experience with his WRs and Reggie Bush’s development, and Brees should continue his video-game style offensive dominance. While Coach Sean Payton is not going to turn into Herm Edwards overnight, I do expect the Saints to run the ball even more this season with teams more prepared for the Saints spread-offense. Still a lock for the Top-5, I’m guessing you may see his yardage creep closer to 4000 this year.

5. JON KITNA (so called Expert Rank: 13)
06-07: 4208 yards, 21 TDs 22 INTs
It’s like the former NFL Europe MVP was granted a dream from the “Make a Wish Foundation” at age 34. The former Central Washington University star already had the two WRs with ridiculous numbers last year (Roy Williams & Mike Furrey combined for 180 catches, 2400 yards) and the Lions added the most dominate WR prospect I’ve ever seen in Calvin Johnson. Throw-in a Martz favorite from St. Louis in Shaun McDonald and a running game that continues to be inconsistent, and you’ll see the Private Pyle look-alike tossing the pigskin even more than last season.

6. TONY ROMO (so called Expert Rank: 10)
06-07: (11 starts) 2903 yards, 19 TDs 13 INTs
If you extrapolate (sounds like some type of Ronny Mex dog-torture device) Tony Ro’s numbers over a full season, the former pipe-layer of Carrie Underwood (sexiest legs in the world) would have thrown for ova 4,000 yards and +/-28 TDs. Also, considering TO dropped more balls than the “Queer-Eye for the Straight-Guy” fellaz and Jason Witten had a down year, those numbers could actually have been a lot higher. Throw-in a much more relaxed atmosphere with everybody’s favorite coach/uncle Wade Phillips and a full training camp of 1st-team snaps, and we could see Tony in the Top-5 for QB fantasy points this year.

7. TOM BRADY (so called Expert Rank: 4)
06-07: 3529 yards, 24 TDs 12 INTs
For the first time in his fantasy world, the golden-child known as Tom Brady has a ‘lil stress in his life. While dating supermodels is a stress most are willing to deal with, when you’re rich and have your first child with someone other than the one your currently dating…I’m guessing you have some new drama to deal with. Also, I think the addition of Randy Moss is extremely ova-rated and believe that Belichick will put a much higher emphasis on Laurence Maroney and the running game this season. While an extremely efficient QB who may have another chance at a Super Bowl this year, Brady has only thrown for ova 4000 yards only once and has seen his TD #s decline the past three seasons.

That’s all of them boys…don’t be a fool and think you grab another one later…it’s a Greggy G Guarantee. Enjoy my picks and pics and make to sure to check back tomorrow for more debauchery and sports knowledge from your favorite degenerate Polack!

First off, congrats to the Cubbies for signing Big Z (5 years, 91.5 million). A remarkable pitcher when his panties aren’t in a bunch, and even when he struggles, you never now if he’s going to bitch-slap a teammate or break a bat ova his knee…now that’s what I call entertainment! As for Ronny Mex, I bet his shuttle-time from the toilet to his cot will break all kinds of records at the penitentiary. And how about the NBA’s finest Tim Donaghy facing more and more charges, what can I tell ya Timmy…you look more like a catcher than pitcher to me! Anyway, before I roll, I have a few Fantasy notes for ya. I know I promised I’d finish my Sexy Subtle Steals for the draft, but unfortunately, you can trust me as much as you can trust a women’s bball coach not to go diving with her players! With that, here is my FF players I wouldn’t touch with Flavor Flav’s magic stick:

PHILIP RIVERS – (QB Rank #9)
I just don’t see much big-play potential in Rivers, not to mention, his WRing crop looks like an Arena League roster. I know the Lighting Bolts’ dominating run game opens-up the secondary and Antonio Gates is the best TE in the game, but with a new coach and the loss of speedy WR Eric Parker for 10 weeks…I’m not too excited about Philip’s fantasy numbers.

DONOVAN MCNABB – (QB Rank #6)
I’m a huge fan of the Chicago native, but he’s had some big injuries of late and I expect Andy Reid to be a little more conservative with the Pro Bowler this season. It’s also going to take Donovan a few weeks to get comfortable with his knee, and just like Philip Rivers, I’m not too impressed with his collection of WRs

MAURICE JONES-DREW – (RB Rank #15)
Jones-Drew’s emergence last season actually gave Fred Taylor the opportunity to stay fresh and enabled him to have the best rushing average of his career (5.0), so don't be suprised if continues to grab 20 carries a game. While Jones-Drew caught everybody by surprise last year and was remarkable at finding the end-zone late in the year, it’s tough to think he’ll duplicate those totals...and I just can’t get myself to invest in a 5’7” tailback.

PLAXICO BURRESS – (WR Rank #16)
You want this head-case…be my guest. Besides that fact that Eli isn’t any good, Burress has been hobbled by an ankle injury in training camp and still drops way too many balls. More importantly, Burress struggled with his concentration even when the game's mattered, and I have a feeling the Giants will be out of the playoff race by mid-October this year.

REX GROSSMAN – (QB Rank #25)
Do you like drafting players that are short, have small hands, and can’t move very fast…well, only if I’m drafting off a boat that’s carrying Asian wives!

AHMAN GREEN – (RB Rank #22)
Maybe he proves me wrong, but I think the former Husker’s game is falling faster than Michael Vick’s friendships. Especially with a team that has so many new faces at the skill positions, a young O-Line, a new coach, and RB Ron Dayne ldetermined to prove he’s not a bust…no chance he’s even given a back-up spot on Greggy G’s squad.

While preseason football rarely excites me with all the Reality TV/soft-core porn on VH1 and E!, tonight is definitely the exception. With a Super Bowl rematch between Da Bears and the Horseshoes, I can’t wait to have a bloody beer and watch as Lovie’s boys easily cover the spread. While it’s rarity for me to invest my girl’s hard-earned dollars on the preseason, tonight’s contest lines-up more perfectly than Brook Burke’s silhouette against a sun-set. GM Jerry Angelo has built a deep roster with great draft picks and reasonably priced FAs who always seen to fighting to move-up the depth chart. Throw-in an awesome back-up QB battle between Brian “I wasn’t drunk, I tripped ova my dogs” Griese and the new and improved Kyle “Google Pictures” Orton, and we should see Kevin Butler’s ole squad pull-away in the 2nd half. While I’ll probably never play against Peyton during the regular season, the Colts lack of depth and lousy back-up signal-callers (Jim Sorgi & Josh Betts) make this an easy way for me to start the season 1-0 ATS.

Finally, I’d be remiss if I didn’t give the Cubbie Faithful a shout-out. I love watching Tony LaRussa lose and I love watching Wrigleyville drunks during a pennant race. As for my White Sox, I just don’t understand what the hell their doing. We’re an absolute embarrassment, have a farm system that’s more watered down than backend of an NBA roster, and they just signed 38 year-old LHP Mike Myers to stabilize the bullpen. Are you kidding me, I know our bullpen sucks, but why the hell would Kenny Williams want to steal innings from our youngsters…is he really that desperate to make sure we finish ahead of the Royals! And while I’m a fan of Jermaine Dye, 11 million a year for a guy who’s 33 going on 43 and hitting .242…as Hawk Harrelson would say: SSSTTRREETTCCHHH!

My fantasy knowledge screams of a football genius!

Can the week start off any sweeter…3-0 in baseball, 1-0 in football, and I have my first fantasy draft of the season. The only one having a better week may be R. Kelly’s attorneys! I mean we just heard about Ronny Mex’s doggie dog world and a potential plea-deal has already been reached. Mr. “I believe I can Make it Rain on your Head” is accused of lewd acts with a minor on a video-tape, but the chick is now 46 years-old and claiming it’s not even her…yeah, that sound like an iron-clad case…looks like Bad Newz Kennels hired the wrong legal team!

Eli just doesn't have the communication skills!

And how about news that pretty-boy Tiki is taking shots at ugly-boy Eli about his lack of leadership in the huddle…shiznit Eli, everybody knows Tim Hardaway could MC the Gay-Pride Parade better than your azz can convince Plaxico and Shockey to listen-up! But enough about a guy who shouldn’t get drafted unless you play in 66 team Fantasy league, today is the first day I defend my title in the Bowl O’ Dicks league. Since I only suffered one loss last year (and that had something to do with a certain NBA ref), I think it’s only fair to give my fellow opponents a little help in their fantasy selections tonight. With that, I give you Greggy G’s back-ups for the 2007-08 season you must consider…

After a nice 4-hour beer, pizza, & nicotine fantasy festival at my homeboy’s bar, I’m more ready for opening day than Mark Grace was for a game’s conclusion so he could chase around 21-year old DePaul students. While trash-talking is all part of draft-day, the lack of injuries you sustain during the season is really the only time you should be acting like Smokey from Friday. As for the biggest rousing I received, (besides the normal: “Greg Gamble’s a fag…and, get a god-damn editor!) was for my 3rd pick of Tony Romo with Tom Brady still on the board. Listen-up people, including all the last place finishers in my league last year, in Tony Romo’s 1st season of throwing a pigskin in a real NFL game he averaged 265 yards and 1.6 TDs per start. You know what the one talented Manning brother averaged…274 yards and 1.9 TDs per start. So after a full-training camp with the 1st team and loads of playmakers all returning, you’re telling me he’s not going to improve? Don’t quit your day-jobs homeboys…well, unless you’re the Baltimore Orioles pitching coach!

Just way too young

Now before I give you my Fantasy No-No’s (players I wouldn’t touch with Poison frontman Bret Michael’s wang…I heard he lost the other “t” in his first name to scabbies!) I’d like to give a heart-felt thought on the tragic passing of 25-year-old Eddie Griffin. The former T-Wolves/Rockets/Seton Hall forward lived with more demons in his head than one could imagine, but was one of the most amazing collegiate talents I’ve ever seen. Check out the 6-10 forward’s numbers as a freshman: 17.8 ppg, 10.8 rpg, 4.4 bpg, and 41 3-pointers. Maybe the demons made life too hard to keep going and he couldn't say no, or maybe next time organizations, college programs, and AAU leeches can do a better job of making sure they kill those damn demons!

With that, I know most of you are here for my Sporting-wit and not my NBA eulogies, so without further ado…I give you my FANTASY FOOTBALL NO-NO’S and Baseball ATS winners…

Oh yeah professionals and amateurs…it’s Money Mike back from a long vacation ready to get this NFL season going! Hope everybody had a great summer and ready to make some money! Mad love to my boy GG for holding it down while I was gone. He has been doing a great job. One other thing I would like to mention before I get to the picks for the day……..the founders of Insideplays.com are in the process of ramping up things and bringing you more great info to this site in the coming months so continue to tell your homeboys and homegirls about us so we can make this site bigger than ebay!

Investing on the Pre-season comes down to who has more depth at QB and who can handle playing with a 3rd-team offensive line...

Sorry for leaving you without my picks & pics Friday, but the boss was a little insistent on my actually getting a deadline completed on time…crazy I tell ya! Today, my brother’s in-town so I’m off to enjoy the day with taller, smarter, and cooler version of me…Enjoy the weekend Homeboys!

*Greggy G’s 2007 Pigskin Picks: 2-0 ATS

College Football is just around the corner and I’m more excited than Tommy Lee with a fresh batch o’ Penicillin. We’re talking about 7 games on Thursday, including my alma mater Iowa “JUCO-Central” State, and a full-docket of action on Saturday. Just opening my USA Today to the daily lines I lost it faster than my 1st time on a twin bed just below my Spud Webb poster. While the diamond and hardwood have been fun (and more profitable than buying ankle-bracelet stock in Hollywood), I was born and raised investing my lunch money on the pigskin so make sure to check-in tomorrow and Friday for my College Football extravaganza! As for today, I promised a couple fellaz I’d have some Tight End analysis that would make a republican senator proud...

But before we get to that, I need to quickly address the Lance Briggs saga. In his statement yesterday, he said after the accident he ran from the scene, called a tow-truck, called 911 to report his car stolen, and then called back to admit crashing the vehicle because he realized he needed to own-up to his mistake. Which mistake Lance…crashing the car or realizing your story sucked? WHO CALLS A GOD-DAMN TOW-TRUCK AND THEN CALLS TO REPORT THEIR CAR STOLEN…Too funny, too FRICKIN’ funny! (BTW, did you read Monday's article...I told ya Jacque Jones would be the man!)

GREGGY G’S TOP-7 FANTASY TIGHT ENDS
If you don’t have one of the Top-7…you ain’t going to Sizzler!

1. ANTONIO GATES
05-06: 71 rec 924 yards 9 TDs
The former Kent State power forward saw his numbers drop from the previous 2 seasons, but that was more because he was just beginning to establish a rapport with 1st year starter Philip Rivers. Do you think Kobe Tai could spin-around without gettin-off during her rookie campaign…I think not. Especially in the red-zone with teams forced to shadow LT, this could be a record-breaking year for the freakish TE and I wouldn’t hesitate taking him in Round 4.

2. TODD HEAP
05-06: 73 rec 765 yards 6 TDs
Call me Alonzo Spellman (aka Crazy) for not taking Tony Gonzalez, but Heap had more catches than Gates and more Tuddies than Gonzo last season. Especially since this occurred under Air McNair’s first year, no reason to think he won’t improve on each of those totals. Also, reports are that the former Sun Devil has never been healthier, while the aging vet in KC has been hobbled by a knee injury.

It's gonna be short and sweet today fellas. Greg Gamble is out of town today for a funeral so I'm stepping in to give you the winners for the night. With an NFL game tonight and the defending Super Bowl champions getting their rings we gotta give you some analysis on that!

Greggy G’s 2007 College Football Record: 5-4 ATS
Greggy G’s 2007 NFL (Preseason) Record: 3-1 ATS

TENNESSEE TITANS (+7) @ JAX JAGUARS
While I’m a fan of Coach Del Rio’s move to David Garrard, I don’t think he’ll be looking like Joe Montana in his opening season debut as the Jag’s #1. Obviously, Jacksonville will be running the ball 70% of the time today and should find success against a make-shift DL for the Titans, but I expect them eat plenty of clock and settle for more FGs than they’d like. While the Titans offense is still looking for a playmaker in the backfield or at WR, QB Vince Young is such a sneaky and crafty signal-caller I expect him to keep drives alive on the rollout pass or simply running for a the 1st-down. His size and deceptive speed make him the toughest QB in the NFL to corral and he’s also shown this preseason that his arm is not just adequate, but accurate and strong. I like the Jags to win this, but expect a gutsy performance from the Titans and Mr. Young…trust me, you won’t see many more 7-point spreads from a Vince Young led team from here on out…Jax by a FG

CAROLINA PANTHERS @ ST. LOUIS RAMS (-2)
Considering that in one of my fantasy leagues I have Bulger, S-Jax, & Jeff Wilkens…I’m thinkin’ the Rams are going to be puttin’-up points all season. While the Panthers D is always tough, their much better on grass and should struggle to contain all the Rams playmakers. Especially newcomers TE Randy McMichael and PR/KR/WR Dante Hall, I expect Marc Bulger to light-up a somewhat over aggressive secondary. As for the Panthers side of the ball, besides Steve Smith, I don’t see enough playmakers to get them into the 30s…where I believe the Rams will be most of the season…Rams by 4-7 points

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (-3) @ GREEN BAY PACKERS
The Pack running game has been hit or miss this preseason , while an abundance of nicked-up backs have led to rookie Brandon Jackson being forced to learn on the fly. While Favre is still dangerous, a hobbled Driver on one side and a cast of youngsters on the other should take Mr. Vicodin a few weeks to get comfortable. Also, expect the normally blitz happy defense of Coach Johnson to force Brett to throw a few of his trademark picks. While the Packers defense has been billed as one of the toughest this season, I luv how McNabb spreads the ball around and how RB Brian Westbrook seems to always find a vacant spot in the D on each possession. Finally, the addition of WR Kevin Curtis could be one of the quietest moves this off-season for the Eagles and I expect him to have at least three 1st down catches today…Eagles by a TD

Teasin’ T-Bone’s 2007 College Record: 3-0-1 ATS 0-2 Teasers
Teasin’ T-Bone’s 2007 NFL Record: 0-0 ATS 0-0 Teasers

Denver Broncos -3 @ Buffalo Bills

It’s never fun to open up the season on the road in the NFL, but the Broncs have the firepower this year to make it happen. Marshawn Lynch will get his first dose of 4 quarters in the NFL and the boys that live a mile high will simply have him confused with the front seven all day long. Losman doesn’t have enough ability to carry a team through the air, and didn’t have to in ’06 with Henry, who by the way is on the other sideline for this game. Cutler, Walker, Stokley, and Henry will be enough to keep the Bills spread out all day long. A good friend of mine likes Hawkeyes and Horsies, so it’s tough to go against this one. Denver by 10.

Carolina Panthers @ St. Louis Rams -2

Okay, I’m getting sick of the Rams, but when it comes to coin you can’t go away from them on week 1. They are going to score a lot this year with an improving Stephen Jackson, and the Panthers have four defensive players that don’t look to play at full strength already in week one. I can’t find a player on the Panthers offense that can keep this one close, and quarterback controversy will begin early as Carr will most likely get some playing time this week. Nothing like going into the first game with the whole Panthers O saying ‘who’s my leader’??? Rams give up some points, but win by 8.

TEASER SPECIAL

New England Patriots teased down to -.5 @ New York Jets

I almost put the the Pats as an ATS pick, but this rivalry is getting more heated each time the two meet. The Brady bunch have won 8 of the last 9 and will continue that today, but with Mangini and playing at home, the Jets won’t lose by much.

Tampa Bay Bucs @ Seattle Seahawks teased down to EVEN

With Shaun Alexander back to full strength we finally get the Seahawks of ’05 back in action, and that spells bad news for the Bucs who have tried more quarterbacks in recent years than Greggy G’s special brew flavors. Hasselbeck is 16-3 at home the last two years, enough said.

* Greggy G’s MLB Picks: 109-80 ATS
* Greggy G’s College Football Picks: 5-4 ATS
* Greggy G’s NFL Picks: 4-3 ATS

Since my Pigskin Picks this weekend were far from stellar, I’ll choose to start-off talking about my Fantasy QB Tony Romo. After receiving a barrage of insults during our Draft for taking Romo over Tom “The Best Dater in the World” Brady, I will gladly take the weekly top-scorer money and put it towards hiring an editor. As for a Monday Night winner, before I give you that gift I'll give my thoughts from the weekend:

1. Did safety Mike Brown (Bears) sleep with “The Man Upstairs’s” sister, and do you think RB Chris Brown (Titans) now has a chance to sleep w/ her?

2. After two season ending surgeries and a position change from college, WR Ronald Curry (10 rec 133 yrds 1 Td) could be the Rick Ankiel story of the NFL…minus the illegal Flintstone Vitamins of course!

3. Who has a worse QB situation…Virginia Tech or the KC Chiefs?

4. Maybe I shouldn’t cross-off guys on my fantasy lists because I hate them...anybody want to trade Plaxico Burress or Randy Moss!

5. Thanks to Steve Trachsel, now we know what the difference is between pitching for fun and pitching for a contender.

6. Normally, I wouldn’t care about the ND/Michigan tilt, but now, I can’t wait see which one of those ova-rated coaches walks off the field 0-3!

...and now for my Monday Night Winner!

After writing a brilliant piece on the Tigers/Blue Jays match-up yesterday, I was amazed how everything I mentioned was happening to a T…unfortunately, with 2 outs in the 9th the Jays closer ruined a perfect day for me. Of course, I will not mention his name and will not be doing much more than just telling you who will win today!

MILWAUKEE BREWERS (-1.5 RUNS) @ PITTSBURG PIRATES
Pirates starter Bryan Bullington had the 1st start of his career last week and proceeded to allow 7 hits, 5 runs, and 2 walks thru 3 innings. While I’ve heard the phrase “Third Times a Charm”, I haven’t heard shiznit about the second time! As for the Brewers, they desperately need this one and will be sending basically their best starting pitcher over the last few months to the mound (Yovani Gallardo 7-4, 4.27)…Brews by 4-6 runs

CHICAGO CUBS @ HOUSTON ASTROS
Cubs righty Jason Marquis (11-8, 4.13) has been extremely solid this season, while the Astros Brandon Backe has only made one start this season. Also, the Cubs bats came alive last night, while the Astros have lost 5 in-a-row…Cubs by 2-4 runs

ATLANTA BRAVES @ NEW YORK METS (OVA 9.5)
Just call it a hunch, but the Braves are due for some major runs and El Duque Hernandez is due to finally start pitching his age. As for the Braves starting pitcher, let’s just say his name is Buddy and his ERA is ova 5…Braves/Mets 12-15 total runs

33. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS
First off, I think Herm Edwards is great guy who would be an awesome High School JV coach or drama actor as an Guidance Counselor. As for the NFL, let’s just say former Lions coach Marty Morningwig shows tapes of Edwards on the sideline before his interviews to improve his stock. Larry Johnson was absolutely right to ask for every penny cause teams are going to line-up 10 in the box and make Huard or Croyle throw to the worst WRing group I’ve ever seen…Paging James Lofton, paging James Lofton.

32. LSU TIGERS
I used to have a lot of friends that were Chiefs fans

31. ATLANTA FALCONS
Off the field distractions, a former collegiate coach in his 1st year in the NFL, Joey Harrington, more distractions, and an O-Line that used to blocking for Ronny “Bad Newz Kennels” Mexico. BTW, anybody know why “Newz” gets a “Z” and “Kennels” does not…I think we now know what sent a red-flag to the feds.

30. CLEVELAND BROWNS
Romeo Crennel said multiple times that Frye was his guy this off-season and then yanked him after 10 throws Sunday. I have a feeling the most fired coach I’ve ever seen is desperately trying to make this a rebuilding year and hopes he can use the: “This was a learning year for Brady Quinn?” as the Browns try to fire him. Funny thing, they have some nice skill position players and probably my favorite former collegiate QB now playing every position in NFL and looking smoother than Jessica Alba’s backside…Joshua “M*tha F*ckin’ Cribbs!

29. MIAMI DOLPHINS
After Nick Saban left like a stripper in the night, the Dolphins organization seemed in more disarray than the Mongoose Team in the movie “Rad” when Cru Jones finally raced like he was capable of. After being turned down by 20 other coaches, the Dolphins finally settled on nice guy Cam Cameron, who I think was on a bunch of Teen-Bop magazines when I was a kid, who proceeded to start his era by bringing in QB Shawn Green and half the head he has left. The worst thing about the Dolphins, after another year of horrific blocking we still won’t know if RB Ronnie Brown is any good or not. Oh yeah, and any team that drafted Ted Ginn Jr. with the 9th overall pick should be allowed to let the fans choose the following year.

28. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS
No joke, there’s no-way possible Jeff Garcia gets through the 1st four games of the season without a concussion. The Bucs have the worst OL in the league, and I’m guessing the Cadillac has noticed and will be smart to save his gas-money for next year. Bye-Bye Chucky!

27. OAKLAND RAIDERS
They’ll have some fire with the new young coach, have a great comeback story in Ronald Curry, and a pretty solid defense, but the musical chairs at QB and turnstiles up-front will keep their win total no higher than the great Spud Webb’s #...4

26. NEW YORK GIANTS
I love the blind loyalty of an owner who sticks by his coach…the only problem, not one of his players seems to be sticking with him. Especially if the Giants start off slow, you’ll see half the roster run to the training room and at least 3 more books come out that talk about how playing for Tom Coughlin has led them to be impotent.

25. WASHINGTON REDSKINS
I keep waiting for Art Monk & Garry Clark to be racing down the sideline and for the two TE set to actually work again for Coach Gibbs. At least we can still look forward to RB Clinton Portis dressing-up for Halloween and S Sean Taylor dressing-up his helmet to destroy somebody.

24. ARIZONA CARDINALS
Is it just me, or did Larry Fitzgerald seem not to give a flying f*ck in the opener…and quite a bit slower for that matter? Also, if the Cards don’t shore-up their O-Line, the lighting-slow Leinart & Warner will both be wearing matching casts and hats on the sidelines. On the bright side, The Edge looked much better in game 1 than he did all of last year.

23. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS
For all the talk that these guys are better…I’m not buying it. For all the talk that Mike Nolan is an up-and-coming coach…I’m not buying it. And finally, for all the talk that Vernon Davis is going to be a star at this level…don’t they have to throw the ball to him first?

22. BUFFALO BILLS
Let’s just say that Wax Head Coach Dick Jauron is more conservative than former Senator Larry Craig claimed to be, and that GM Marv Levy thought he was signing-up to be GM of the Buffalo Bingo Organization. The only skill this offense has is if J.P. Losman throws the ball deep to Lee Evans on every other possession, the problem…Coach Dickie thinks throwing a screen pass is riskier than lickin’ a stripper-pole.

21. MINNESOTA VIKINGS
I love them already giving the ball to Adrian Peterson, but don’t love the likelihood of him staying healthy. While the O-Line is dominant and the defense is solid, I’m still not sold on QB Tarvaris Jackson (actually, I just don’t know who he is). I will give props to Coach Childress for giving the kid a shot and somewhat risking his future on him…or maybe, I should give him props cause he really wants Louisville’s Brian Brohm or Hawaii’s Colt Brennan and this is the best way to get his hands on them.

20. HOUSTON TEXANS
I have WR Andre Johnson in both my fantasy leagues…I’m cool, your not! QB Matt Schaub may be worth all the high draft picks the Texans gave-up…and may be worth the firing of the Falcons GM. As for the rest of the team, did I mention I have Andre Johnson!

19. GREEN BAY PACKERS
They may have a solid defense, but their offense is pretty awful and extremely mistake prone thanks to Mr. Favre trying to fit things in like he’s in his mid 20s. Crank-up the Flintstone Vitamins Brett, I have a feeling your going to be hitting the carpet pretty hard this season because your boys can’t run the ball.

18. DETROIT LIONS
Once again, playing in the NFC North means somebody has to win games when the Pack, Viqueens, & Lions play each other. And after watching Joe Montana, wait…I mean Jon Kitna and his ridiculous WRs, I have a feeling they’ll surprise on ton of teams in their dome. As for the other games…bet the over!

17. NEW YORK JETS
I have no idea what to think of the Jets after looking horrific in their 1st game. Sure it was against the Cheaters, but Pennington still can’t throw farther than the QB in Nintendo’s 10-Yard Fight and is injured, Thomas Jones didn’t seem to have the same skip in his step, and Head Coach Mangini seems to have spent more time on film then watching it!

16. ST. LOUIS RAMS
I know Orlando Pace is done and the defensive is horrible, but their offense is so stocked it’s hard to think they won’t hang-around .500 most of the season.

15. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS
Maybe Garrard’s not that good…maybe Leftwich’s just that bad! I wouldn’t touch them on Sunday’s with Tommy Lee’s 3rd leg.

14. TENNESSEE TITANS
Did RB Chris Brown really rush for almost 200 yards? I didn’t see it, so I don’t believe it! As for ATS, let’s just say Vince Young luvs being the underdog!

13. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES
Andy Reid might as well take the year off and pretend to be a father. The Eagles are kinda of like Lynda Carter in the final season of Wonder Woman…still watchable, but no need to bring the Jergens. Almost every single game will be decided by 3 points or less.

12. BALTIMORE RAVENS
I had the Ravens ranked ahead of Pittsburg going into their contest with the Bengals, but I swear I saw their defense get older right before my very eyes last night. Not to mention, McNair looks done, Boller was done before it started, and I’ll bet you a shinny red Smirnoff Ice that Mr. McGahee loses his job to Musa Smith by week 4.

11. DENVER BRONCOS
While they struggled in the opener at Buffalo with new personal scattered all over the field, I did see glimpses of brilliance from Jay Cutler and do believe Travis Henry has a legit shot to lead the league in rushing…oh yeah, and the defense held the Bills to 184 yards. Maybe the Cleveland Browns shouldn’t keep releasing or trading all their defense players so Shanahan can turn them into stars.

10. DALLAS COWBOYS
You can’t stop them, you only can hope to contain them…unless TO overdoses on ego-pills. Sure their defense sucks (BET THE OVER), but they have best RB duo in the league, will be getting Terry Glenn back by midseason, and will continue to see the development of the best gunslinger in the game…BTW, did I mention I have him on my fantasy team?

9. PITTSBURG STEELERS
I absolutely luv new headmaster Mike Tomlin intensity, Big Ben’s chances to prove he’s not just a stupid kid on motorcycle (especially with the deadly trio of Santonio Holmes, Hines Ward, and Heath Miller), the aggressive playmaking defense, and that they added Najah “Poop in the Closet” Davenport to let Fast Willie Parker stay fast by seasons’ end.

8. CINNCINATI BENGALS
While they looked shaky offensively in the 2nd half, once they get that offense rollin’ it’s going to be tough for opponents to keep-up no matter how average their defense is. Also, for all the talk about Rudi Johnson slowing down, he looks in better shape than Jennifer Gardner during Alias.

7. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS
Obviously, if any team in the AFC North (besides the Browns) was in the NFC (Pitts/Cinn/Balt), I’d have them ranked ahead of the Seahawks. But after watching what was supposed to be two improved teams (Ariz & SF) and with Orlando Pace out for the season, I don’t see how Hasselbeck and his bald-azz doesn’t go at least 5-1 in conference. BTW, Mr. Alexander’s back baby!!!!

6. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS
I’m not saying last year was a fluke, but I think they were drained after the experience last season (Katrina) and might have expected things to come too easy this season. Obviously, they have too many weapons to count them out, but I see them winning at home and losing on the road all season.

5. CAROLINA PANTHERS
Call me a crazy degenerate, but let's just say I have a strange feeling about the Panthers after week 1. With a balanced running attack, the best WR in the game, a QB looking to prove he doesn’t suck, and a healthier defense…Fox’s boys may be challenging Da Bears in the NFC and actually living-up to the hype they've received the last few years.

4. CHICAGO BEARS
He’s got little hands, little lil’ feet, short little legs, and can’t outrun Rodney Peete. (If you don’t realize I’m talking about Sexy Rexy, please log-off Insideplays and head to Sean Salisbury’s worthless blog) Oh yeah, and their weaker at RB and DT this season…I still luv them, but you’d be a fool to think their better than last year. Luckily, the NFC North is like the Cubs division…beautifully awful!

3. SAN DIEGO CHARGERS
Let's just say you'd have a better opportunity to push one past the goalie having your magic-stick wrapped in plastic with hot sauce coverin' it, then opponents will be pushing one past the goaline against the Chargers. However, I can’t see them moving higher than the 3rd spot all season when most Arena League squads have better WRs, and their QB (while efficient) has a throwing style that makes Johnny Moxon from Varisty Blues look like Carson Palmer.

2. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
Cheaters never win, except the Super Bowl 3 out of 4 years. I will not even consider moving the Bradys’ above the Peytons’ until they win home-field for the playoffs...and in my humble (correct) opinion, the Colts won’t lose in Indianapolis this year. Also, I don’t care how many times Moss is dancing in the endzone in September cause I’m sure he’ll be nursing a sore something by the end of October

1. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS
I’ve been saying they’d be champs the last three years…and this February, I’m guessing I’ll be correct in two out of the three…Damn you Pittsburgh, and Damn you the wife that stabbed the Colts DB so he couldn’t out run Big Ben!

Want some baseball picks and swimsuit picks…here ya go

Not much else to say than HELL YEAH! Went 3-0 yesterday, got shit-faced at one of the coolest wedding spots in Chi-Town, and the sun came up. With that, I'm moving today so just trust me on my picks and listen to what my Homeboy T-Bone says!

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS @ CHICAGO BEARS (-13)
The Chiefs are horrible and the Bears are still crabby from the San Diego trip...Bears by 3 TDs

CINCINNATI BENGALS @ CLEVELAND BROWNS (-7.5)
Do I even need to explain...Benglas by double digits

SUNDAY, BLOODY SUNDAY WINNERS

For the first time this year Saturday was brutal to me. So how do I cope? Get extremely drunk and pass out early so my mind is thinking NFL before the sun comes up. I saw three games pop for me, and I feel comfortable going ATS on all of them, but the kids need more than ramen noodles for dinner tonight so I am going for the sure thing…and that’s why they call me Teasin’ T-Bone

ATS

New Orleans –4 @ Tampa Bay

We all know the Saints are in the top 5 in the league and Chucky’s boys are in the bottom 5. It is obvious the oddsmakers are putting too much weight on the Big Easy’s loss at Indy last week. N.O. needs this game to stay on course for their division title and playoff run. Brees and Bush will settle into their comfort zone this week and Chucky…..well he will be one week closer to looking for a new job. Saints by a touchdown

SUNDAY TEASERS

Kansas City @ Chicago teased down to –6.5

Wow the Chiefs are bad, and this week they get to travel to Soldier and try to keep this one close. The Bears D is tops to begin with and they’ll be sitting in the backfield with a half smoked cigar before KC’s high school play callers can even set up. Man I feel sorry for Larry Johnson this year. Chicago by 15

Oakland @ Denver teased down to –4

The Broncs need as many divisional wins as possible to prepare for their fight against San Diego this year. Cutler shows why he is leading an NFL team this week and it never hurts to be sitting a mile high being the home team. I don’t even think the Raiders are trying to rebuild anymore, they seem to be just fine with winning 4 a year. Denver by 8

* Greggy G’s MLB Picks: 112-85
* Greggy G’s College Football Picks: 8-4 ATS
* Greggy G’s NFL Picks: 5-5 ATS

I woke-up this morning with the pain you get when you haven’t worked out in awhile…unfortunately, the pain was due to simply drinking twice my body weight over the weekend. Throw-in the fact that I’m leaving for Vegas in three days, and I might just re-work my Will during the Monday Night contest. You think Sin City has an ova/unda on how many places refuse to sell me drinks by Friday afternoon? While I’m sure that will happen, hopefully the sportsbook can’t ban me for simply being an ATS genius…except on some Sundays. After an undefeated day on the College Gridiron, the gambling gods beeatch-slapped me like I was the Bengals defensive coordinator as I put-up a 0-2 day. Oh yeah, and to make matters worse, my opponent in fantasy had Carson Palmer and Steve Smith…like that makes the heartburn and kidneys feel any better. C-YA

College Pigskin Picks: 8-5 ats - NFL Picks: 6-5 ats - MLB : 113-90 ats

Check back later for some Thursday College Football luv!

Since this point last year the Saints have been awful!

* current rank (week 2 rank) (week 1 rank)

32. (27) (22) BUFFALO BILLS (0-3)
I bragged about Lee Evans, I drafted Lee Evans, and thru 3 games he has 5 catches and 29 yards. If that doesn’t scream come to Insideplays.com, I don’t know what else does!
This Week: @Bills 20 Jets 24

31. (29) (29) MIAMI DOLPHINS (0-3)
THEY DRAFTED TED GINN JR. 9TH OVERALL!!! I’m guessing next year they’ll draft Chuck Knoblauch to play QB.
This Week: @Miami 17 Raiders 23

30. (30) (31) ATLANTA FALCONS (0-3)
The day Joey Harrington throws for 361 yards, 2 TDs, zero picks, and loses is the day he should send his resume to Career Builder.
This Week: @Falcons 30 Texans 24

29. (32) (32) KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (1-2)
LJ rushed for an average of 1.8 and KC won…that’s crazier than a pornstar with a wedding ring!
This Week: Chiefs 17 @Chargers 27

28. (20) (16) ST. LOUIS RAMS (0-3)
Let’s just say I dropped Mark Bulger and picked-up Joey Harrington for Fantasy. And yes, my theory of not drafting a back-up QB is only working better than Travis Henry’s theory not to wear a condom.
This Week: Rams 20 @Dallas 41

27. (30) (26) NEW YORK GIANTS (1-2)
Let’s just say Coughlin gave Gibbs a little Hot Carl treatment. BTW, have you ever seen a player of the game award given to a guy who carried the ball 3 times and averaging 1.0 per carry? Say hello to Reuben Droughns!
This Week: @Giants 17 Philly 31

26. (25) (30) CLEVELAND BROWNS (1-2)
I know you probably didn’t see my favorite former college QB playing every position, Joshua M*tha F*ckin’ Cribbs, return a kickoff 99 yards cause who watches a QB battle between Derek Anderson and the two-heading phenom know as McCown & Culpepper.
This Week: @Browns 17 Ravens 20

25. (28) (27) OAKLAND RAIDERS (1-2)
I bet you didn’t know Lamont Jordan was 2nd in the NFL in rushing yards, or that the back of Warren Sapp’s pants no longer look like a slip-n-slide.
This Week: Raiders 23 @Dolphins 17

24. (26) (17) NEW YORK JETS (1-2)
Have you ever seen an NFL team just run 10-yard patterns cause the QB went to the same arm-strengthening school as Jacque Jones?
This Week: Jets 24 @Bills 20

23. (23) (21) MINNESOTA VIKINGS (1-2)
I like their defense, but I don’t like when your QBs are so bad RB Mewelde Moore is throwing passing…or the fact that they lost to the Chiefs!
This Week: @Vikings 20 Packers 17

22. (22) (24) ARIZONA CARDINALS (1-2)
Some conniving asshole tried to tell me that Kurt Warner is still playing…yeah, and I bet he hates Jesus and his wife’s tata’s are now 32Bs.
This Week: @Arizona 24 Pitt 30

21. (10) (6) NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (0-3)
I told ya last week once the Saints started getting Deuce more involved things would turn around…my bad, I meant RB Aaron Stecker!
This Week: Bye

20. (15) (25) WASHINGTON REDSKINS (2-1)
Just when I thought Joe Gibbs may still have some magic, Tom Coughlin removed the white rabbit and put a wet turd in his hat.
This Week: Bye

19. (24) (28) TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (2-1)
I was just about to convince my girl we should name our 2nd child Jeff “I’m not Gay!” Garcia, but then looked at his upcoming schedule and saw @Carolina, @ Indy, and Tennessee. That’s more dangerous than dating Fred Lane’s girlfriend.
This Week: Bucs 17 @Panthers 24

18. (17) (20) HOUSTON TEXANS (2-1)
I almost dropped them to 32rd in my rankings cause WR Andre Johnson is completely ruining any attempt of Fantasy trash-talking in both my leagues. Actually, the Texans are a pretty solid team, but their stuck in the best division in football (AFC South- Indy, Jax, Tenn). That’s like the opposite of having to play all Iowa and Iowa State back-to-back.
This Week: Houston 24 @Falcons 30

17. (21) (23) SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (2-1)
I’m still not a believer, but their divisional opponents are worse than the morning after a KFC and Red Bull Vodka party.
This Week: @49ers 20 Seattle 24

16. (14) (18) DETROIT LIONS (2-1)
Even with 3 TVs and the Sunday Ticket, I can’t seem to put anything else on the tube beside Jonny Kitna.
This Week: @Lions 31 Chicago 24

15. (9) (8) CINCINNATI BENGALS (1-2)
If Cincy has a few more losing weeks, watch as Ocho Cinco turns into a bigger pain in the azz than TO and Bill Doran (Major League) combined.
This Week: @Cincy 31 Patriots 38

14. (4) (4) CHICAGO BEARS (1-2)
Brian Griese will make a huge difference…and so will the fact that half the Bears defensive starters are injured and Cedric Benson looks like he doesn’t give a Jenna Jameson.
This Week: Bears 24 @Lions 31

13.